««-  · CWU MEMOiRS 0x8E · -»»

0x8E	HÖNTTÖLÄN POLTTAJAISET (1997-07-11)

 greets you! Kneel before me, and I shall confer you as a CWU
member.

 Allrighty!

 WELCOME BACK TO THE MEMBERSHIP OF THE LAST ELITE CREW OF LIETEVESI,

 OF 

!

 Yess! It's so damn nice to be back to our crew again! I was missin'
y'all so lots!!

 I have also been missing your return to our crew, for several months
already.

 But after all this I reckon there's nobody in this crew anymaw
who would ever wanna kick ye out!

 Yeah. Ya saved our lives and everything. No matter how damn much ya
played Quake, my eternal gratefulness would always run over it!

 I do not think it is appropriate to ever expel anyone else either.

 Oh, so ya say that?

 This night shall be the last common night ever among our crew. As if,
the endpoint of its history.

 Whaddye mean endpoint? D'ye mean that CWU's gonna die!?

 Fuck sake, if it's ever up to me, then CWU's gonna stay to exist
as long as I keep breathing, goddammit!!

 Of course, the crew shall continue its existence, but its nature shall
be different, as we shall not be meeting each other on a daily basis.

 No matter if we moved to the opposite ends of the words, CWU's
gonna stay together, dammit!

 But could you imagine the scenario of CWU receiving new members without
the original members meeting each other?

 Well...

 At least I reckon that'd be a bit unfair, if like Mega would get new
members from Helsinki and we ain't never even seen 'em...

 Yeah, right. And I guess ye wouldna dare either to ask anybody of
yer new Iisalmi schoolfriends to join the crew.

 Yeah, I guess I now got what ye mean, Stuffie. I guess we really
should now freeze da membalist of da crew.

 Whenever we think about CWU over the following years, we shall probably
remember Lietevesi Junior high school and our common school days.

 What CWU is was defined in those years. Redefinition would be
alright heretical.

 Yeah, I really agree with that! No matter how shitty Lietevesi is,
CWU belongs only to those who were there on da Lietevesi days!

 I reckon all the remote members would screw the fuck off anyway.
We ain't gonna get naw remote members anymaw! 

 We really ain't, dammit!

 "Lietevvesj-only", like the CGK fellas said!

 But I'm sure we're still gonna see sometimes? Like at demoparties or
sump'n -

 Well, I ain't shitworth interested in naw demoparties anymaw.

 Me neither, especially if all fuckin' Quake lamerz take over 'em and
make 'em into some fuckin' vector game carnivals, dammit.

 Yeah, we should rather concentrate on havin' meetings of our own...

 No matter how often we met, however, the fact is that we shall mostly
be together via BBSes and the Internet.

 Yeah, I guess it'd maybe be turnin' into that, yeah...

 Are y'all gonna put yer boards back online once y'all finish movin'?
At least I'm gonna try to!!

 Yeah, Frontline's gonna stay up for sure, as long as I'm still
breathin'!

 I dunno really 'bout Slauughterhouse, 'cause I dunno what kinda
place I'm gonna end up living in there in Helsinki...

 But yer still gonna put it online if it's ever possible?

 Yeah, I guess I will...

 But what aboot startin' to booze already? So that our last
boozings wouldna end up too short.

 Yeah, sure we're gonna start the booze!

 These here kiljus are quite well-brewn now, 'cause I already
started 'em afore the Abduction...

 I've also got my own kiljus made, if Jussi's kiljus end too soon.

 I could now play the tape we recorded three years back!

 By all means.

 Is it recordin'?

 Fuck how squeaky my voice was back then!!

 Ya know, I wanna...

 Huhuhuh, "Ya know, I wanna".

 SHUT DA FUCK UP NOW! I've got sum big buzz to tell ya now.

 "Big buzz", huhuhuh, all the way up to "big buzz".

 My voice's a bit lower there already...

 Fuckin' fast-foward, I'm so fuckin' embarrased of this!!!

 Allrighty...

 Well yeah but ya don't even know what's lamer or elite and don't even
know what's WAREZ or even NPD STUFF!

 Ya still always ask if ya've got any new "COPSY-GAMES"!!!

 For the fuck's sake, copsy-games are copsy-games dammit!

 DA ONE WHO CALLS WAREZ "COPSY-GAMES" WILL FLY OUTTA DA CREW DAMMIT!!!

 Bloody hell, what kinda rascals we were back then...

 I have actually never heard this recording before. I would prefer to
listen to it in its entirety.

 Fuck's sake then! I'm gonna get so embarrassed 'coz yar hearin' that
stuff for da first time!! And especially that Oona's now hearin' 'em!!!

 Oh, is that so...

 I would be more worried if they DID NOT embarrass you. That would
mean that you have not grown up at all.

 Well, Kerttu was thinkin' that we ain't grown up a bit...

 Well, I reckon this here tape proves sump'n different.

 What the fuckin' see-dubya-you?

 FUKKEN C00LeS WaReZ UNiON, GODDAMMIT!!!

 Hahahahah, this has to be the most fuckin' insane shit ever ...

 Right, my voice used to be quite melodious too.

 Ofcoz ya can leave anytime, but I wanna remind ya that I'VE GOT A
WHOLE CD-ROM DISKETTE WITH ME FROM HELSINKI, FULL OF NEW HOT DAYZ WAREZ!!!

 I mean for real! A WHOLE CD-ROM DISKETTE with many HUNDREDS of megz
ONLY hot dayz warez -

 Uhuhuhuh, "hot dayz warez".

 Fuck's sake, "CD-ROM DISKETTE", who da hell calls a CD-ROM a DISKETTE!?
Fuck's sake we wer LAME back then!!!

 I am coming to understand what 

 meant when discussing the
magick of a tape recorded in a foundational meeting.

 So, whaddye reckon he meant then?

 The tape opens a portal to the past in a sense, lets us encounter
the younger versions of yourselves our crew is based on.

 So, a portal ye say.

 I think we encountered right enuff versions back there in da fuckin'
Pirttimäki, dammit...

 "Sawles... varets... oonion".

 "Kawles", ya fukken countryside hillbilly who doesn't even know
English.

 Why d'we need to write it like that? Dinna we just get the hell
outta the elementary school? Big and small letters -

 It's fukken written like that coz it's ELiTE that way, dammit!!!

 God-fuckin'-dammit, we actually SERIOUSLY wrote elite at da time,
without no slightest irony or nuffin'!!

 Yeah, 'twas ye who made us believe it'd be a sign of a tuff
dood if we mix small and big letters.

 What the hell are "handles"?

 Somethin' like nicknames, but not lame ones like "Jussi" or "Masa" but
some tough English-language ones. Like I'm 

.

 Right, uhuhuhuh, yer what?

 Ya've gotta write that ELiTE as well. Kassu, gimme da pencil and I'll
show ya...

 And man ye were so dead-serious aboot that handle at the time!
Like the most street-credible handle ye could ever make up...

 Yeah, well, I don't really believe in "stree-credible" handles
anymore, but ironically ya can use as shitty lamenames as ya want!

 At least ye've kept yer balls aboot that, ye ain't even agreed
to switch it to anythang else one single time...

 It's still fuckin' lame to change yar handle, dammit!

 One tough swearword is "MOTHER FUCKER", it's like SON-OF-A-BITCH...

 Huhuhuh, hahahah, son-of-a-bitch, can I get sump'n like that? Yeah,
I'm son-of-a-bitch.

 That's literally like "MOMMY-BANGER"... Ain't it, Meka?

 Yeah.

 Huhuhuh, hahahah, I'm MOMMY-BANGER, damnit, yeah, that's a good
one!!!

 Bloody hell! If ye're some "mommy-banger", then I'm "FATHER
FUCKER"!!! Like "DADDY-BANGER"!

 Hahahah, huhuhuh, daddy-banger, ye're even tougher, lemme... naw, I
reckon I can just be a mommy-banger, I mean son-of-a-bitch.

 Let's write ur handles down, I can put da ELiTE casin' in...

 I'M SO FUCKIN' EMBARRASSED!!! PRESS STOP!!!

 Naw I won't, 'cause -

 I'M GONNA PRESS IT THEN!!! AND TAKE DA BATTERIES OUTTA YAR BOOMBOX
SO YA'D NEVER CONTINUE PLAYIN' IT DAMMIT!!!

 Meh! So unfair...

 I think it would have been of occult importance to listen to the
entire tape and release the chronomagick potency ingrained in it.

 Right! And besides, there's lotsa else there after it! Like the
meetin' were Sam joins in and we make him drink Masa's kilju!!

 I don't reckon y'all get it how much pain it is for us to hear
it...

 Right there! But maybe we can continue it later, once we've gotten
more wasted...

 It also made me maybe a bit too secondhand-embarrased...

 I ain't secondhand-embarrassed at all by the tape!! I've even typed
up everthang we say on the tape -

 Whatta fuck now dammit!?

 I hope ye keep the file very well hidden then, and especially
NEVER release it nowhere, goddammit!

 I was never gonna release it!! I just wanna make sure I've got
the file in case I sometimes lose the tape...

 Well, maybe sometime in the year two-thousand we might ponder
once again if it'd stand publicity -

 IT FUCKIN' WOULDN'T!

 Well, maybe in two-thousand there wouldna even be a scene where we
could spoil our reputations!

 Ya can spoil yar scenefame if there's just one other scener alive! So,
maybe we should wait at least fifty years before releasin' it dammit...

 Yeah, absolootly. But do take some more kilju.

glugluglug

 I heard ye no longer really into that downtown game club anymaw, Kassu?

 Nope, 'cause we weren't really at the same wavelength...

 Ye mean how so?

 Well, if I like mentioned Knight Rider or MacGyver, they never got it,
'cause they never watched it as kids!!

 And then they've just been watchin' some Moomies or some strange
Alfred Quack, so I never got their stuff either...

 And now in the spring they started to seriously watch some
children's proggy called Pokemon...

 Fuck's sake, they're startin' the eighth grade! What's so interestin'
to 'em 'bout some kiddyshow!?

 I heard it's based on some game they've been playin' with their
bloody Nintendos...

 Right.

 I assume we could also be interested in watching a children's TV series
based on Elite or Ultima, for example

 Well, right, even if Babylon 5 was a kiddyshow, I think I'd be
still interested in checkin' it out...

 The CZ guys have also been plannin' to start watchin' it!

 Well, da Gatenet lamers watch it too, who cares... after all, they've
been ravin' 'bout it so much in da net that I'm still interested!
 

 There are also Finnish WWW sites dedicated to Babylon 5. Everyone who
uses WWW has surely encountered them already.

 But anyway, bein' in CLAN ZERO made me totally convinced that my place
is with y'all and not with 'em!

 I think the event of you joining CLAN ZERO was an alright unbelievable
feat requiring immense courage.

 I respect all of your shamanic journeys, but as a CLAN ZERO member you
visited a deeper level of Underworld than in any of them.

 I really dunno, 'cause I just wanted to play Quake... and maybe make
sure that the fellas there get interested in the right stuff...

 So, your feat also probably saved the entire Lietevesi sagely chain.
Absolutely appreciatable.

 But there's also Sam who's been in some bloody Nazi Satan-worship
crews, so I'd say he's been havin' some balls too...

 Well, I think WAMPIRES isn't really that for from CWU compared
to CZ...

 On the other hand, comparing parallel universes revealed that CZ could
also have become a demogroup.

 But that'd have been a really shitty crew, if they never even
watched MacGyver!!!

 Well, we can't really tell at all if they'd have made a good
democrew, 'coz we didn't get their demos to us in Pirttimäki.

 But we did get some other demos...

 Indeed.

 So, what was there on da floppiez?

 Some of them seemed to contain games and other programs I had made as a
child in the other reality.

 Whatta fuck? So ye actually got a Sixtyfour in da other reality,
rather than da fuckin' MSX?

 Affirmative.

 And ye even got a disk drive!! How did that Taisto ever afford -

 I do not believe I had a disk drive in my childhood, as all the
floppy disks were the same ones we found at Fucksucker's place.

 So, ya had just been savin' yar tape softs on Fucksucker's disks
with his diskdrive?

 Probably yes. Additionally, it would seem that NTSC lamers are
considerably less lame in the other reality than in this one.

 Oh?

 Some of the floppies contained PAL-fixed NTSC demos that were not
present on the ones of our own reality.

 So, ya've got all of da floppies now?

 Affirmative, as COP and CGK exited Pirttimäki so hastily that
we never had the time to divide them.

 But, there's still gonna be some parties ya can bring 'em to...

 Yeah, wasna it like y'all were workin' on some co-op demo
for Assembly.

 We shall probably not participate in the next Assembly, as we lost
nearly a month of valuable demo-making time.

 Instead, we have been thinking about focusing on a C64-only party
named Zoo, held in Pori.

 Right.

 Was there any stuff on da floppies ya could use in yar own demo?

 I have found nothing immediately usable. Rather, the material has
created reality-related insights in my mind.

 So, the trip was worth nuffin' then...

 Not at all. Parallel universes balance each other already due to
our awareness of the unrealised options.

 Now we are more aware of CLAN ZERO's potential, for example, and we
can believe that the group in question may still have some hope.

 And don't forget how Kassu taught occult stuff to 'em...

 Indeed. Maybe the occult could also function for them as a gateway to
programming, once they become mature enough.

 So, should we give our key to 'em then?

 We fuckin' ain't, until they stop plain' their fuckin' Quake!

 I also think we should not surrender our sceptre until CLAN ZERO
has released itself from the bog of Quake lameness.

 I wouldn't be so hopeful that those idiots ever become anything!
No matter what we'd seen in some fuckin' parallel universe...

 Anyway, it's fuckin' useless to worry 'bout da future of this shantytown
anymore. We're gonna move da fuck out tomorrow and NEVER COME BACK!!

 All of us? At the same time?

 Looks a bit like it, yeah. We already packed our movin' stuff to Osmo's
trailer yesterday and get goin' towards Helsinki tomorrow...

 I was also packing my stuff there, 'cause I'm gonna have to leave
Osmo's place at the same time as Osmo and Mega...

 Our cargo's also gettin' to move tomorrow to Kiuruvesi and
Iisalmi, pulled by Korhonens' tractor...

 So, yar gonna move to Kiuruvesi, and Kassu and Masa to Iisalmi?

 Yeah.

 It's a bit early, but at least we're gonna get to see what kinda place
that there Iisalmi is anyway.

 Yeah, a bit early, right.

 We shall also leave tomorrow. Taisto shall be offering a simultaneous
transport for me to Kuopio and for othra to Lapinlahti.

 So, Oona got into that fuckin' art highscool?

 Yeah, I'd gotten the approval letter while we were forest-covered...

 Okay.

 What aboot Mega, did ye get into anywhere?

 I fuckin' didn't, 'coz I'm still at standby positions at every school
I applied to...

 But yer still gonna move to the Helsinki area regardless?

 Yeah. Altho I don't think I can stand livin' at 

 for long,
so we're prolly gonna start lookin' for an apartment da day one...

 So, how's ye gonna pay yer apartment then?

 Well, with da money from da fuckin' social office dammit! Altho I'm
sure that Osmo's gonna get some job quite easily even...

 So, Osmo's also gonna move?

 Fuck's sake, ain't he been talkin' 'bout movin' to Helsinki like
how long already?

 It never occurred to me that y'all would be movin' to the same
home!

 Well, we thought it'd be easier that way. And I'm also prolly gonna
try to get a job from some codehouse if I can't get into any school...

 Good luck to ye with that then, without naw diplomas or nuffin'...

 I know how to code sumthing! I heard that's well enuff nowadays that
ye can make at least some crap...

 Well, let's see then are they so desperate that even yer crap's
enuff.

 Well, I trust that Osmo gets work, 'cause he actually knows Asm
and electronics design and whatnot...

 I'm gonna so much miss the CWU days after we've moved, even all the
lame stuff we did back then!!

 Indeed. Even capture-making and the "getting-laid project" of Spring
1995.

 Did anyone else of us even get laid in da end, besides Sam and Jyri?

 I got too, 'cause I was workin' at a strawberry farm in Suonenjoki
while y'all were lost in the woods...

 Yeah, I've heard that the strawberry girls are eay. I guess I
would've wanted to go too, if it wasna for the bloody Pirttimäki...

 I also got laid in Oulu durin' the Abduction!!

 Yar fuckin' kiddin!?

 It's true! By the Suvi whose nick's in square brackets and followed
by an up-triangle -

 Fuckin' HER?? Gosh, women are all so slutty if -

 I guess she might've given sex to y'all too! 'Cause she recalled us
and our magicks and how I turned into a bird durin' the demo...

 Right, fuck that then.

 But what aboot the gettin'-laids of mister "pussy-project leader"?

 Well, I don't think I'm even that interested in da pussy. Except a bit
for braggin' purposes maybe.

 Oh?

 I've noticed that I'm more into boys than girls...

 ...

 ...

 Oh, sump'n like that then, right.

 Oh bloody fuckin' hell there dammit! That explains quite a
heap of stuff then!

 So, ye actually liked gettin' the blowjob from Masa!!

 Well, I wouldn't have demanded it if I hadn't liked it, right?

 Ye bloody fuckin' fag, dammit!! Yer such a dirty brown-hole-knight,
bloody hell -

 Hey fellas, have a look at the door...

 Fuck's sake, NOW GETTA HELL OUTTA HERE! There's a fire in the
kitchen!!!

 Allrighty, so we lost Hönttölä also, then.

 Did someone of us now fire it up on purpose?

 Kassu is the first on my list of suspects now.

 Whatta hell!? I ain't even got no lighter with me!!

 What aboot Masa? Or that FUCKIN' FAG RIGHT THERE?

 Wasna we in the same room all the time, and the fire went up in
the kitchen? I guess it did it all by its own...

 Well, that shack's gone already now, who cares who burned it if
it was someone.

 I would suspect that the fire was ignited from the spiritual world
like the ones in Öökkölä, Vornastorppa and likely Pirttimäki.

 Well, who knows really, gues 'twas just a coincidence...

 There's just the church left now, out of the pentagram...

 YER FUCKIN' NOT GONNA BURN IT DOWN, DAMMIT!

 Hey, I wasn't fuckin' plannin' to...

 Do take some more kilju so ye calm down a bit...

 Allright, allright. Seems I ain't really wasted enuff yet...

 Man, ye saved da kiljus from a burnin' house!!

 Well, yer gotta have some kind of priorities!

glug glug glug

 LOOK AT THIS BURNING HOUSE! YOU ARE NOW WITNESSING THE END OF AN
ERA AND THE BEGINNING OF ANOTHER!

 THE STORY OF 

 IN LIETEVESI IS OVER, AND A NEW, UNKNOWN WORLDLY
ERA IS WAITING BEFORE US!

 Oh shit, I'm so EXCITED!!

 This is so damn cool!

 And in the year two-thousand there's gonna be another new era
startin'! 'Cause everthang's gonna change in 2000 anyway!!

 This sounds pleasantly regular to my ear. Maybe stories are supposed
to be three years long.

 In two-thousand we could like move to the Moon or Mars or someplace,
and make a kinda CWU colony there!!

 I ain't that interested in movin' anyplace else from this
planet...

 I ain't that interested 'bout space travel either, until we've
got some proper warp engines first...

 Well, at least let's go to the cyberspace virtual reality then! 'Cause
I've heard the world's gonna like converge and synverge -

 I don't reckon the world's gonna get to change so much over
three years, even if we'd be gonna reach the year two-thousand.

 But Internet's developin' so terribly quickly now! Three years ago
nobody of us had even gotten there yet...

 Right, and nowadays it seems that even every fuckin' bumpkin's
gotten to try it out somewhere.

 But what aboot we cried out that eternal unity thang now, like
we used to in the old times?

 Yeah, let's cry it!!

 LONG LIVE THE ETERNAL UNITY OF THE HAUTATAIPALE SCENE!!!

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