««-  · CWU MEMOiRS 0x8D · -»»

0x8D	PIRTTIMÄKI

wArlord:
 Allrighty, now there's every crew's signs on the bridge.

dArK sTuFfEr:
 Hopefully they shall last there for a mininum of a hundred, preferrably
a thousand years.

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 Yeah. Even if da generation after us was fuckin' lame, maybe da
next could be a bit less so again.

mINDeAGLE:
 Let us then proceed our journey towards Pirttimäki.

...

mINDeAGLE:
 I recommend that you shall not proceed until I have described the
area and provided you with the required safety instructions.

wArlord:
 Allrighty then...

TF:
 Don't then stay there blabberin' for hours. I've got such a helluva
hangover!

mINDeAGLE:
 As you surely know, in a few tens of metres, the so-called Pirttimäki
Anomalous Zone shall begin.

mINDeAGLE:
 The zone has been known as anomalous since ancient times. It has a
reputation as a place where cattle disappears and gods appear.

mINDeAGLE:
 The people entering the area return changed if ever. In the seventies,
a multitude of UFO observations were made in the vicinity.

mINDeAGLE:
 Thus, the area is darngerous, powerful, even holy. We shall not step
on it due to our curiosity, but for we must approach it.

mINDeAGLE:
 Lietevesi and other localities are being filled with so-called
Pielavetian energy which is poisonous by nature.

mINDeAGLE:
 Pirttimäki might be the only means to neutralise this energy. We shall
have to proceed to the core of the zone and release the power ingrained.

mINDeAGLE:
 
dArK sTuFfEr
 is carrying diskettes, which, according to his theory, can bring
part of this power to our own reality.

dRAGONcROW:
 D'ye have any clue how to actually release that power?

mINDeAGLE:
 No, but I trust that the power itself has.

wArlord:
 Right.

mINDeAGLE:
 Yet, a reminder before we leave: in order to keep safe, you must
follow my instructions literally!

mINDeAGLE:
 Every step must be carefully considered. I shall lead the way and throw
rocks on the path in order to ensure the safety of taking the steps.

mINDeAGLE:
 If someone wishes to abstain from the journey, let them do so no!
At the vehicles, it is safe to wait for our return.

...

wArlord:
 So, it seems nobody decided to stay there and wait.

myXTer:
 I'm scared like hell, but stayin' there alone would've scared
me even more...

dArK sTuFfEr:
 Indeed. An alright Lovecraftian atmosphere of horror emanates from
the area.

OONA:
 But it somehow feels it's callin' for us at the same time...

...

mINDeAGLE:
 Now we are at the location where the Hut was located before burning
down in 1968. The foundations are still partially visible.

mINDeAGLE:
 Pirttimäki was named after the building in question. Before that,
the place was called Pirunmäki, and before that, Hiienmäki.

myXTer:
 Wasn't the Hut itself a thousand years old?

mINDeAGLE:
 Not at all. It was built in 1858 by a person named Juhani Nousiainen,
or Pirtti-Juhani.

wArlord:
 How did he dare to build it in a place like this? Wasna
dark-fearer that chap, I reckon.

mINDeAGLE:
 As far as I know, the one who lured to choose this place was his wife,
Pirtti-Kaisa. Juhani himself died soon after the Hut was finished.

wArlord:
 Right, should've gussed that some supertitious hag demanded to
get the hut built here.

mINDeAGLE:
 After the death of Juhani, Kaisa, known for her poweful witchcraft,
created a kind of astral Faraday cage around the Hut.

TF:
 Well, that explains why my Communicator ain't findin' the GSM
network anymore...

mINDeAGLE:
 I recommend you to power off the device. Anomalous phenomena might
permanently disrupt it.

TF:
 Allright! I'm even gonna remove the battery so that the computer
side won't disrupt either...

mINDeAGLE:
 Nevertheless, the cage in question protected the Hut-dwellers for
over a hundred years. The space inside it is relatively safe.

mINDeAGLE:
 Immediately outside the cage, however, the anomalous phenomena steeply
increase. I believe the border is approximately at that birch.

dArK sTuFfEr:
 Very peculiar indeed. It seems like the far side of the birch had
mutated into an entirely different life form.

myXTer:
 I'd heard from Osmo that the last Pirttimäki residents had been
radio HAMs...

mINDeAGLE:
 Affirmative. Pirtti-Jalmari and Pirtti-Alma were also enthusiastic
to commit parapsychological experiments with electricity.

mINDeAGLE:
 Once the couple's children moved away and Jalmari died in 1945, Alma is
known to have continued the experiments until her death.

myXTer:
 Osmo has also told how some of his older HAM friends have been
in contact with Alma...

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 Reijo also had some fuckin' sick story 'bout Alma -

TF:
 Could we now quit 'em history lessons for now and do what we hafta?
I've gotten a bit anxious already...

wArlord:
 Yeah, I wouldna stay for very long in such a place no matter
how interestin' the histories are.

dArK sTuFfEr:
 Indeed. We have a mission to accomplish.

mINDeAGLE:
 You already know everything you need. Let us then carefully proceed
towards the core of the zone.

=== Ilmiöiden alkua ===

myXTer:
 Hey, didn't we already pass this place?

dArK sTuFfEr:
 It indeed looks like a location we have already visited.

mINDeAGLE:
 Apparently, we have walked straight forward, but the exceptional space
topology made me return to a prior point.

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 So, we can't trust our sense of directions anymore?

mINDeAGLE:
 At least not in the Euclidean sense, or not even in the Euclidean
sight. Astral sight would be more reliable.

wArlord:
 Right, so let's open the astral eyes then, dammit.

dArK sTuFfEr:
 I assume we should walk as closely to each other as possible, to ensure
nobody gets lost.

...

OONA:
 Err, well, wasn't that sun lower just a while ago?

myXTer:
 Yeah, I also feel like it'd been morning or evening a while ago,
and that it's noon now.

DRBLOOD:
 Even though 'twas one PM when we left Höttövaara...

mINDeAGLE:
 I believe the zone causes optical disturbances in the astronomical
phenomena as well.

...

myXTer:
 Hey, there's some figures there at the end of the path!

wArlord:
 I ain't seein' nuffin'...

dArK sTuFfEr:
 Indeed. I sense them to be humanoid creatures in a vibrational mode
slightly different from ours.

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 They're also pointin' at us...

mINDeAGLE:
 Let us carefully proceed towards the creatures.

ThE SkEneMiEs:
 Whatta hell!? It's Mika from our school and their entire gang of
morons!! Whatta hell are Y'ALL doin' here!?

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 I was just 'bout to ask da same thing from ya dammit!!

ThE SkEneMiEs:
 
SUoMEN HUiPPU KoPSARiT
 is here to release the energies of this area, to make sure
THAT KINDA losers don't get to boss aroond anymaw!

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 So, ya have founded SHK again...

ThE SkEneMiEs:
 Whaddye mean again??

IceHockeyMan:
 COME ON HEY! Even if ye don't follow the scene anymaw, ye should've
at least heard aboot SHK's success -

HENCCA:
 Whatta fuck's 
SUoMEN HUiPPU KoPSARiT
!? Sounds like the lamest crew ever!!

ThE SkEneMiEs:
 WHATTA HELL, HENKKA?! WE'VE TAUGHT Y'ALL EVERTHANG Y'ALL KNOW!

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 And where in fuck did da fuckin' CLAN ZERO clowns pop up!?

HENCCA:
 Whatta fuckin' CLAN ZERO?

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 Well, yar miserable shitcrew or whatever clan it is -

HENCCA:
 Wa are CREW ZERO!!! Ya came the same way to Abduction with us -

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 WE FUCKIN' DIDN'T, WITH THAT KINDA QUAKE LAMERS!!!

ThE SkEneMiEs:
 But ain't y'all YERSELF the Quake lamers...?

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 WHATTA FUCK!? WE DEFINITELY AIN'T!!

PH2:
 We in C.O.P. chose 
SUoMEN HUiPPU KoPSARiT
 to continue our work, as it felt that 
C00LeS WaReZ UNiON
was worth nuffin'...

pHASERhAWK:
 Hey, whatta hell, are there two of us here?

DS2:
 It looks a bit like we're at sumkinda crossroads of parallel
realities.

myXTer:
 Yeah, it'd really seem so. The real Jyri stopped speakin'
Savonian over a year ago...

wArlord:
 (Bloody hell, I've gotta take this all easy now...)

DiCK PUNiSHER:
 Hi Mika!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 FUCKIN' TIM, GETTA FUCK OUTTA HERE!!! YA DON'T EVEN LIVE IN
LIETEVESI ANYMORE!!

DiCK PUNiSHER:
 Eh?? I do live here...

mINDeAGLE:
 I recommend that you discuss with the dwellers of other parallel
universes as rationally and benevolently as possible.

dArK sTuFfEr:
 Indeed. We have a unique opportunity to exchange inormation between
realities, and 
mR.mEgAsTuFf
 just keeps cranking at everybody.

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 Well, okay, I'll try to take it easy... but THOSE GUYS STARTED IT!!

DiCK PUNiSHER:
 For real, what's up with ye, Mega? We're s'posed to be best friends
and brothers -

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 Err, could ya now keep away from me and quit talkin' to me, OKAY?

DiCK PUNiSHER:
 Err... yeah... okey then...

dArK sTuFfEr:
 I would be interested in how 
SUoMEN HUiPPU KoPSARiT
 became the leading crew in the
other parallel universe.

ThE SkEneMiEs:
 Well, we had a tradin' contest against CWU and needed some help
to have a chance...

IceHockeyMan:
 Then we went to tawk with 
pHASERhAWK
 at school and then 
cULT oF pOWER
 gave us
a kinda darkbox...

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 Why in da fuck did they give it to YA instead of us? After all,
we made an Amiga intro with Amos and used it to approach 'em!!

PH2:
 Well, on our side we heard nuffin' from you, and you seemed even more
childish and arrogant than them...

mINDeAGLE:
 In our universe, CWU impressed us in a particular way by taking the
effort of using a traditional means of communication.

dArK sTuFfEr:
 Have you been in contact with Vornas-Heikki and aware of your position
in the Lietevesi sagely continuum?

ThE SkEneMiEs:
 We ain't heard nuffin' aboot any Vornas-Heikki!!

PH2:
 I reckon I've heard that name some day, but I'm sure I've never
heard about a "sagely continuum"...

HENCCA:
 Whatta fuck, how can ya even LIVE in Lietevesi without hearin'
'bout Vornas-Heikki?

dArK sTuFfEr:
 Peculiar. What about Turun-Martti, have you heard of him?

JONETZU:
 Yeah, I reckon my father's tawked aboot it, and maybe I've
heard aboot him at school too...

dArK sTuFfEr:
 It would seem like that the differences between our parallel realities
are indeed substantial. What is the story of CREW ZERO?

JONETZU:
 Well, we got interested aboot demos last autumn, when the CWU
fellas showed 'em to us at our school...

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 On our side ya were only interested in the Internet!!

TEMETZU:
 Well, we never got very often to the Internet from the computer
classroom, but we could watch demos very well...

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 Whatta fuck? What kinda computers ya got in da classroom?

HENCCA:
 Some 486s with VGAs and Sound Blasters...

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 And ya never got the fixed Internet line we arranged...?

HENCCA:
 I heard that would've been the other option the town would've
used their money for...

ThE SkEneMiEs:
 Whatta hell, a fixed-line Internet? In PIELAVESI? -

dArK sTuFfEr:
 It was in the municipality of Lietevesi at the time.

PH2:
 There ain't never been nuffin' called "municipality of Lietevesi"!
 
mINDeAGLE
 On our side, the Lietevesi gained independence from Pielavesi in 1876
and lost the independence merely half a year ago.

DS2:
 By the way, would anybody got diskettes or sump'n with 'em? We could
swap a bit of software...

dArK sTuFfEr:
 Oh, so we got the same idea regardless of the differences between the
parallel universes.

DS2:
 I've got a couple of C64 disks here...

mINDeAGLE:
 I recommend that you exchange the items by leaving them on the ground
in order to not experience a so-called vibrational shock.

DS2:
 Allrighty then...

wArlord:
 Err, hey, I wouldna like to interrupt, but I'm a bit worried
if we ever get back to our own reality anymore...

dArK sTuFfEr:
 Indeed. I sense that the space-time topology surrounding us is becoming
ever more chaotic.

mINDeAGLE:
 I suggest that we move immediately towards a more static subzone.
Follow me.

pHASERhAWK:
 Bye then, 'twas really interesting to talk to you!

PH2:
 Okey, bye...

LAZERCODE:
 Oops.

wArlord:
 Whatta fuck!!

mINDeAGLE:
 It seems that all the static reference points of reality just vanished.

wArlord:
 Could we get the hell outta here somehow!?!

dArK sTuFfEr:
 I recommend that you do not wish to get to Hell or any other Undeworld
location, even on a metaphorical level.

wArlord:
 Yeah, right, o-okey... so, would we get the HOME outta here??

OONA:
 I'm also scared like hell!!

wArlord:
 Yeah, some helluva horrors came over just after Jyri'd taken
the floppybox from the other Jyri.

dArK sTuFfEr:
 How advanced are your astral sensing skills, 
mINDeAGLE
? Can you provide
us with any kind of directional recommendation?

mINDeAGLE:
 My recommendation would be better than pure guessing.

myXTer:
 Well, let's walk at least to SOME direction!! Or rather run...

mINDeAGLE:
 Keep in place. It is important for us to move as a group.

dArK sTuFfEr:
 We could try to summon Forest Goat. After all, we are still in
a forest in some sense.

mINDeAGLE:
 Your idea sounds considerable.

dArK sTuFfEr:
 FOREST GOAT, WE PRAY FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE! LEAD US BACK HOME!

OONA:
 O FOREST GOAT, HELP US!!

mINDeAGLE:
 I feel that we are even outside Forest Goat's sphere of influence.

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 Could some doodz from the other realities been able to help us?

myXTer:
 Did you see any Kassu there...?

OONA:
 I guess I did...

dArK sTuFfEr:
 Could you try to lead us to a direction where you detected him?

wArlord:
 Maybe we should first just try to yell at him... at least I don't
dare to move nowhere from here so it wouldna get any worse than this!!

dArK sTuFfEr:
 Good idea.

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 KASSUUU!! HAUL YAR FUCKIN' ASS HERE!! WE NEED YA!!

dArK sTuFfEr:
 
DaRK FuCKeR
 OF 
C00LeS WaReZ UNiON
!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 Don't fuckin' call any CWU Kassu now, but someone in that fuckin'
CLAN ZERO...

dArK sTuFfEr:
 Indeed, that is a very good point.

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 
DaRK FuCKeR
!! DaRK FUCKIN' FuCKeR!!

myXTer:
 OF CLAN ZERO!!!

wArlord:
 KASSUUUU!!!

DaRK FuCKeR:
 Greetings. I would suggest you to hasten. It has already been two weeks
in the everyday reality -

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 Yar the wrong Kassu!

DaRK FuCKeR:
 Why so?

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 Our Kassu stopped speakin' formally...

DaRK FuCKeR:
 All clear. I shall proceed to look for my real crewmates.

dArK sTuFfEr:
 It would seems that many of our parallel versions also called Kassu
for help, and now we have to make sure that -

DF2:
 I don't tawk formally!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 Okay. Are ya in CWU?

DF2:
 Yeah, I am in 
cHAOS wORLD uNKNOWN
...

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 Right, ya ain't da real one either, especially if yar in some fuckin'
Chaos and not in Cooles.

TF:
 Whatta hell, did that first Kassu really say that we've s'posed to
have been like TWO WEEKS here?

mINDeAGLE:
 Peculiar indeed. I would estimate that a maximum of two hours of
subjective time has passed.

DaRK FuCKeR:
 Hey... CWU, COP, and are y'all there in CGK?

LAZERCODE:
 Yeah, we are...

DaRK FuCKeR:
 Good, y'all felt just right to me.

dArK sTuFfEr:
 Feeling right is not enough. We need to ensure that we return
to the same reality that we left.

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 We ain't got time to twiddle 'round, if our every minute here
matches to a day outside or sumthing!!

TF:
 Right! I've gotta get back to my workplace RIGHT NOW!! My vacation's
been over ages ago!!

dArK sTuFfEr:
 At least we should ensure that the returning persons are as same
as possible, or at least that they amount -

myXTer:
 I don't care, as long as WE GET TO THE ALMOST SAME REALITY
AS WE LEFT!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 Yeah, this time we must be happy in finding' a Kassu that's
RIGHT ENUFF! No time for endless comparisons -

DaRK FuCKeR:
 Allrighty then, follow me!

dArK sTuFfEr:
 I'm still a bit suspicious -

DaRK FuCKeR:
 But I feel that yar the exactly right ones!!

dArK sTuFfEr:
 At least say whether you are a CWU member.

DaRK FuCKeR:
 Nope, 'cause Mega kicked me out once I started to play Quake -

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 Okay, he's right enuff. Now let's fuckin' go!

myXTer:
 Yeah, that's absolutely enough for me too.

...

dRAGONcROW:
 The landscape's a really buggy here...

dArK sTuFfEr:
 I am nevertheless relieved by the notion that we are sprites
rather than background graphics.

...

dArK sTuFfEr:
 I sense a decrease in the level of anomality.

DaRK FuCKeR:
 Yeah, I guess it goes down, 'cause we're headin' the way y'all
came from to begin with...

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 And there's our cars even.

TF:
 Bloody fuckin' hell, if we actually spent many weeks in the
woods... gotta turn on the Communicator right now and check it...

wArlord:
 Well, at least we gotta outta there! Ain't that the main
point...

TF:
 Well, the main point is now that I start drivin' back t'wards
Kuopio right now!

wArlord:
 So, did we move forwards in time for real?

TF:
 Yeah, we did, for the fuck's sake. It's goddamn third of July...

dArK sTuFfEr:
 In which year?

TF:
 Ninety-seven, thank gosh. But for the fuck's sake for real,
god-bloody-dammit -

DaRK FuCKeR:
 So, it's exactly three years since CWU was founded!!

dArK sTuFfEr:
 Indeed.

wArlord:
 The time has really gone quick...

mINDeAGLE:
 You mentioned that you have made a tape recording of your crew's
foundational meeting.

DaRK FuCKeR:
 Yeah, we did so, right... and I've been listenin' to it like every
day after Abduction!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 Whatta fuck!? I thought we'd lost it!!

wArlord:
 I'd also hoped that it'd been lost someplace...

DaRK FuCKeR:
 Well, it's still there! I could like bring it over to Hönttölä, so
we could listen to it together!

dArK sTuFfEr:
 This could be very interesting indeed.

TF:
 But I'm outta here now! So, bye to y'all -

wArlord:
 Hey, could ye also give us a ride to Hautataipale? -

TF:
 I guess Juho might have better time?

mINDeAGLE:
 Affirmative. My vacation is still continuing, and besides, I had
already been planning to visit my parents anyway.

dRAGONcROW:
 But maybe we could take the ride to Kuopio with Technie?

TF:
 Yeah, well, that's okey.

LAZERCODE:
 We could also maybe jump in the cargo hold if y'all drop
us at the nearest train station or sump'n...?

TF:
 Well, get in then if y'all want that, as long as we leave NOW!

DATAPIMP:
 Allrighty then, so let's get aboard without any more tawkings.

FUCKSUCKER:
 Okay.

pHASERhAWK:
 Farewell to CWU guys... I'm sure we're gonna meet again some day!

dRAGONcROW:
 Bye then...

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 Bye...

dArK sTuFfEr:
 We shall absolutely see agin. This meeting created a unique bond
between us -

wArlord:
 They left quite fast.

DaRK FuCKeR:
 They're always like that, them city-dwellers...

myXTer:
 Have the grown-ups been worried about us in the meantime?

DaRK FuCKeR:
 They were so damn worried!! And me too!

myXTer:
 Do you know if Arja has already moved out...?

DaRK FuCKeR:
 Yeah, I heard she's gone... and she also gave his stuff to Osmo
to keep.

myXTer:
 Well, good that they left 'em for me... maybe I should get to
Osmo's place from here then.

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 By the way, 
mINDeAGLE
, have ya got a kinda GSM phone...?

mINDeAGLE:
 Unfortunately not.

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 Okay, maybe then ya should drive us all straight to Osmo, and we
could call other grown-ups from there.

DaRK FuCKeR:
 I maybe drive my moped, 'cause we came with it in the first place -

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 WHATTA FUCK? Have ya got a moped in this reality -

DaRK FuCKeR:
 No, I just borrowed one for this trip -

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 PHEW! I got scared as fuck that we'd taken da wrong Kassu!!

dArK sTuFfEr:
 Still, I shall probably be extremely carefully observing every possible
detail over the next few days.

mR.mEgAsTuFf:
 Yeah, that's maybe worthy.


««-  · CWU MEMOiRS 0x8D ·  nExT cHApTeR -»»