C00LeS WaReZ UNiON MeMOiRS: cHApTER #0x87

========= C00LeS WaReZ UNiON * HiSToRiCaL mEmOiRZ * cHApTeR #0x87 =========

DaTE:     1996-12-31 aT 21:56

LoCATi0N: mR.mEgAsTuFf's aPaRTmEnT @ lAhNalA hAuTATaIPALe LiETeVESi

pREsENT:  mR.mEgAsTuFf . DaRK FuCKeR . dArK sTuFfEr
          wARLORD . MoTHeR FuCKeR . myXTer
===========================================================================

wArlord: The Pielavesi police had already taken some charge in Lietevesi and ordered to stop the investigations...

myXTer: So, they're now gonna stop the whole case and not accuse us of anything?

dArK sTuFfEr: Very peculiar. After all, we were being suspected of all kinds of things, and the evidence was considered nearly certain.

wArlord: Guess they just ran outta budget, or then there's just so much more important investigation to do in Pielavesi...

dArK sTuFfEr: I also consider it possible that Pielavesi municipality might be deliberately wanting to please us.

dArK sTuFfEr: In a scenario I might consider likely, Pielavesi would be wanting to keep all the "young experts" in the area as long as possible.

DaRK FuCKeR: Mummy had heard a gossip just like that, like that they've gotta get all the experts from the schools to the Pielavesi senior high!

DaRK FuCKeR: Mummy said that one one of her gossip friends had been sayin' that Pielavesi governor had been heard sayin' to somebody that -

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, right, that's so many copies-of-copies away from da original rumor that I don't believe it at all!

DaRK FuCKeR: But mum believed it nevertheless! And maybe that's why she let me outta the house arrest and gave my computer back to me...

wArlord: Well, guess she would've let ye free for the Christmas nevertheless. After all, she's a believin' Christian hag -

DaRK FuCKeR: Anyway, the main thang's that I got myself free! 'Twas so really fun to get to play with the computer once again!

DaRK FuCKeR: I ain't been really darin' to do nuffin' else than gamin', 'cause we don't really get properly to the Internet anymaw!

DaRK FuCKeR: 'Cause the mawdem is now the only alternative we've got, and there's the fuckin' per-minute fare there!!!

wArlord: But it was all the same on the seventh-grade spring, when ye also had to limit yer calls -

DaRK FuCKeR: THAT WAS THEN AND NOW IS NOW!! I'd already gotten used to that we're NEVER gonna have naw per-minute fares EVER!!

wArlord: Well, that's yer own sufferin' then, if ye started to live in the hope that yer fixed Internet line was permanent.

dArK sTuFfEr: Indeed. CWUnet 2.0 gave us an early impression of the future, so to say.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well, I'm sure yar gonna get back to bein' jacked into a fixed line, once ya get da fuck outta this billyhill -

DaRK FuCKeR: But I wouldna wanna wait! I wanna get outta this past here RIGHT NOW!!

wArlord: There really ain't naw fixed Internets even in all the bigger villages, except maybe some schools and student dorms -

DaRK FuCKeR: I wish I at least got into some school that's got the fixed Internet!

wArlord: Well, I don't reckon there's such thang even in the Kiuruvesi schools. Ye should move at least as far as Iisalmi -

DaRK FuCKeR: I'm ready to move like far away for school to get me back jacked into the fixed Internet!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I also think it's useless to stay even someplace like Iisalmi or Kuopio. EVERYBODY LET'S GET ALL DA WAY TO HELSINKI, DAMMIT!

wArlord: Oh? Well, y'all not gonna get this chap there, dammit! Any locality south of Kuopio is outta the question!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Fuck's sake, then stay here in da fuckin' Savonia and chew yar cud here, ya fuckin' redneck-for-life!

wArlord: After all, my parents are gonna stay in Lietevesi for the rest of their lives, so it's easier to live at a fair distance...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: But at least I'm gonna move to Helsinki RIGHT WHEN I CAN! Even if Ritu never got to sell Lahnala or I never got a place to study at!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I think if I had to stay in these backwaters a moment too long, I WOULD FUCKIN' DIE OF LAMENESS!!!

dArK sTuFfEr: Indeed. The lameness field produced by the Berglund family is already very powerful and keeps getting more so.

DaRK FuCKeR: I heard quite many town-dwellers had now bought some "Internet Pentium" from the Berglunds for an X-mas gift!!

DaRK FuCKeR: That's true! I heard the Huuskonens got one, and the Nuutinens, and the Vartiainens -

dArK sTuFfEr: Apparently, the families of the specific students who became addicted to the Internet in the computer classroom.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: For da FUCK'S SAKE DAMMIT!! So it was fuckin' YAR FAULT when ya connected da computer classroom to CWUnet!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: IT FUCKIN' DOES HAMPER IF THAT BERGLUND CLOWNHEAD NOW GETS RICH BECAUSE OF CWU!!!

wArlord: Well, that wouldna tax our wallets! Just 'em town morons who's all got too much money anyway...

dArK sTuFfEr: Indeed. And besides, were we not supposed to keep the lamers dwelling in their own lameness, mR.mEgAsTuFf?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well, it still pisses me off if some fuckin' Sanna and Elina start bein' on da IRC more often than us...

myXTer: But didn't that Kotikolumbus have a dedicated per-minute fare on top of the local fare? Wouldn't that limit them a little bit at least?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I don't think that'd limit 'em. No matter if it was fuckin' ten marks a minute, they'd still fuckin' spend there hours every night!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Oh, yeah, right. Well, maybe after the first bill we may get to laugh at 'em again...

wArlord: Yeah, then they might get the same fate as Mikko got two years ago, when he had to sell his computer away.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Except ofcoz if their parents understand to put up so harsh limits that they can afford da bills...

wArlord: Yeah. Well, I don't really care much of that Internet anyway. It lost its glamor when all kinda dumbheads started to use it.

dArK sTuFfEr: Indeed. The major IRC channels, due to their thick layers of lameness, are already only suitable as raw material for human experiment bots.

wArlord: I reckon we could really take some distance from the Internet and Unix and other fads and concentrate on the BBSes and -

DaRK FuCKeR: I would actually prefer to hang on #cwu every night than read some mesages and wait for somebody to call Emptyness!!

myXTer: Yeah... and we don't really have any chances to take it back, 'cause we can't properly monitor splits or anything anymore.

dArK sTuFfEr: A return to BBS-oriented communication would thus be the optimal solution in many ways.

DaRK FuCKeR: I DON'T WANNA BE BACK IN THE PAST, GET IT ALREADY!!! I WANT THE INTERNET!!! THE FUTURE INTER-FUCKIN'-NET!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I'd prefer to take both at da same time... CWUnet mixed 'em quite well, I think.

dArK sTuFfEr: In my opinion, on the other hand, CWUnet 2.0 rather proved the hopelessness of attempting to combine the BBS and Internet worlds.

myXTer: I guess it's gonna get better, once the DOS-compatible OSes will get a better net support, and the Unix will get better -

dArK sTuFfEr: I do not think it is merely a software-level problem but a profound metaphysical incommensurability -

dArK sTuFfEr: I am not familiar with the nature of this incommensurability either, but the issue shall probably clear up in upcoming years.

wArlord: Well, we shall see if they ever get any clearer of are ye gonna have even frostier theories then...

DaRK FuCKeR: I don't care at all what's gonna happen to boards or anythang, AS LONG AS I'M GONNA BACK TO THE PROPER FIXED INTERNET!!!

wArlord: Well, yer gonna hafta stay without it at least until the summer. So, just try to hang on until then...

DaRK FuCKeR: I could atleast stand it better if we even got our local CWUnet back! So that we even got to chat to each other at nights...

wArlord: On the other hand, we ain't even got 'em routin' gear anymaw, 'cause the cops took 'em from Hönttölä...

wArlord: Also we'd gotten the decision from the municipal council that the net was illegal, so it's better if we won't rebuild it right now -

dArK sTuFfEr: In a couple of hours, there shall be no Lietevesi municipality anymore.

DaRK FuCKeR: Goddammit. So, what aboot takin' everbody's computers here to Lahnala some day and put up our own localarea net? And like, play some -

mR.mEgAsTuFf: WE AIN'T GONNA SINK TO SOME QUAKE LAN CRAP DAMMIT!! GO TO DA TOWN AND BE DA QUAKE-MORON WITH DA FUCKIN' QUAKE-LAMERS THERE!!

DaRK FuCKeR: Well, I s'pose I could actually go there. 'Cause Quake doesn't even run on y'all's computers...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: THEY'RE BOTH DA SAME SHOCKIN' DIARRHEA CRAP DAMMIT, AND THAT FUCKIN' DUKE 3D ALSO! I'M CALLIN' 'EM BOTH QUAKES, DAMMIT!!

wArlord: Yeah, right. But I also reckon it would've been nice to try if there's any glamor in playin' Doom in the network -

dArK sTuFfEr: It indeed looks like that the Berglund lameness field is intensifying, as gaming suggestions like this are being made even within our group.

MoTHeR FuCKeR: Come on fellas, don't be like that, I'm sure y'all might like it as well -

wArlord: Sounds yer tawkins be already gettin' so uptight that whaddaboot openin' a canister of kilju?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: At least in my life there ain't gonna nuffin' but SUFFERIN' before I get DA FUCK OUTTA this billhilly, dammit!!

DaRK FuCKeR: But my sufferings are even worse, 'cause I'm not even allowed to try out playin' that Doom or Quake in the network!!

dArK sTuFfEr: Indeed. It looks like you want to deliberately maximise your suffering without a justifying spiritual goal.

wArlord: Well, we've got lotsa other doings too that the computers. Whaddaboot all the pranks, like in the List Gang days...

MoTHeR FuCKeR: Yeah, we could return the prank stuff to our proggie, they were so wily there.

dArK sTuFfEr: I actually have an endless number of computational project ideas - especially now that the fixed Internet connection no longer blurs my mind.

myXTer: I can also make up all kinda stuff, even now I've been learnin' the languages preferred by the Unix gurus, like Lisp and Perl...

dArK sTuFfEr: I, on my behald, intend to deepen my understanding of the C64 and all the genres of occult practice.

wArlord: Well, ya don't take part in the pranks if ya don't wanna. I was just tawkin' aboot 'em who ran outta computer stuff to do...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: At least I'm not gonna take part in some List Gang pranks anymore, I'VE FUCKIN' GROWN UP!!

wArlord: Man, should've guessed ye wanna stay martyr and limit yerself even with this stuff, dammit.

DaRK FuCKeR: Right! And Mega's also always been limitin' all of us since the elementary school! Always forbiddin' all the best games and -

mR.mEgAsTuFf: FUCK, I took all da effort to let us develop into an ever more elite crew, AND YA AIN'T EVEN GRATEFUL FOR THAT, DAMMIT!!

wArlord: Actually, it's quite often that ye got it all so wrong that ye really should've just let us do whatever -

mR.mEgAsTuFf: FUCK'S SAKE DAMMIT! If yar 'bout to hit some wall and don't even try to dodge it, I s'pose I'm allowed to force ya to do so, dammit!!

dArK sTuFfEr: In many cases, the "wall" you have forced us to "dodge", has actually been -

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Even at the stage three of Delta when da pillars come straight towards ya, YA JUST HAFTA KNOW 'BOUT THEM BEFOREHAND to get to dodge 'em!!

dArK sTuFfEr: Your metaphor is now even less valid than usual. You assume you possess some kind of superhuman knowledge or clairvoyance.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I have always been da one who brings all da new trends and idea from Helsinki! So, I HAVE ACTUALLY been knowin' better than ya!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I don't think ya've got much muscles to question it with, 'coz ya never even had a C64!

wArlord: But really, Mega, d'ye really reckon that LIFE would be like PLAYIN' BLOODY DELTA!?

DaRK FuCKeR: Life would actually be more like PLAYIN' ELITE!! Ye hafta get as much money as possible, but nobody tells ye how to do it -

dArK sTuFfEr: DaRK FuCKeR's view would maybe be more valid if he had ever played Elite long enough to notice the money losing its meaning.

dArK sTuFfEr: Affirmative. However, the game then becomes boring, unless one questions its attraction mechanism and starts defining one's own goals.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: What's da fuckin' point in playin' some game like that? There'd be no unambiguous high score list anymore...

wArlord: I don't reckon that the first thang yer gonna see once ye die would be the score ye got and if ye got to the high score list with it...

DaRK FuCKeR: And we would even never get to some list, if it would be just of folks like Bill Gates with their billions and trillions of dollars!!

MoTHeR FuCKeR: Righty. I was just wonderin' aboot who's plannin' to do fireworks here in this village...

wArlord: I don't reckon anybody is interested in da rockets here in Hautataipale.

MoTHeR FuCKeR: Well, they could nevertheless shoot some rocket even if there was nuffin' to fest aboot in joinin' with Pielavesi...

dArK sTuFfEr: Watching fireworks is appropriate per se, but I do not consider it worthwhile to rejoice the arrival of Pielavesi occupational army.

dArK sTuFfEr: In my opinion, Pielavesi is a culmination of the type of lameness represented by the Berglunds and the seventh-grade Quake lamers.

dArK sTuFfEr: The appreciation of skill is being replaced by consumerist show-off and ultimate helplessness, programming and creativity by gaming.

dArK sTuFfEr: SID and MOD music by MP3 recordings, text-based communication methods by WWW, usable operating systems by Windows 95.

wArlord: Right, I'm also sure Lietevesi's gonna be so full of that kinda dung once Pielavesi takes over.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: But that's a good theory there. It explains well why da Berglund morons are so zealous 'bout joinin' Pielavesi!

wArlord: I reckon we should now hold tightly to all the traditions Pielavesi's wanting to take from us.

wArlord: No matter how lame we've been in demoscene's eyes, we've actually been PROPER lamers and naw bloody Windows lamers!

dArK sTuFfEr: Excellently put, wArlord. We have been the last representatives of Newschool, just like Vornas-Heikki was the last of Oldschool.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, once we've left there's just gonna be hordes and hordes of subhuman lamer scum with less and less potential.

dArK sTuFfEr: Affirmative. And the more we try to do to this avalanche, the more power the scum would absorb from it, as proven by the classroom case.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: WE'RE GONNA FUCKIN' STAY IN THIS ROOM NOW AND DON'T JOIN 'EM WITH THEIR FIREWORKS NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAID TO US!!

DaRK FuCKeR: Ye can't order us aroond, dammit! I can go to watch 'em rockets if I wanna!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: WELL, YA CAN GET BACK TO YAR HOME FROM THERE THEN, YA AIN'T WELCOME BACK TO THIS ROOM ANYMORE!!

DaRK FuCKeR: Who cares dammit! If they shoot fireworks, I'm gonna go to watch 'em, 'cause fireworks rulez!!

BERGLUND: Fifteen minutes to the great moment! Do come to celebrate it with us with fireworks!

BERGLUND: Our fireworks would cause more attention here! The town is full of people doing fireworks, but Hautataipale has nearly none!

BERGLUND: But let's get out and prepare ourselves! The moment of joy is approaching!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: YA CAN PUSH YAR JOY AND FAKE MARKETIN' SMILES SO DEEP IN YAR ARSEHOLE THAT YA WON'T EVER REACH TO DIG IT BACK, YA FUCKIN' MORON!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: GODDAMN FAGZ!!! YAR LAMER THAN ALL DA FUCKIN' PIELAVESI WINDOWS CLOWNS COMBINED!!

DaRK FuCKeR: Could we now shout like CWU WORLD DOMINATION right once the year changes over?

wArlord: I don't reckon we have much world domination to prepare for, once we start gettin' drown by the Pielavesi scum...

dArK sTuFfEr: That would be appropriate, although without the word "fucking". We shall be saying farewell to Lietevesi that has also given a lot to us.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Fuck's sake, da most important thang anyway is that next yar WE'RE FINALLY GETTA FUCK OUTTA THESE BACKWATERS!!!

dArK sTuFfEr: I suppose the shouting in question is appropriate to everyone present, even if we differed in its reasons?