C00LeS WaReZ UNiON MeMOiRS: cHApTER #0x86

========= C00LeS WaReZ UNiON * HiSToRiCaL mEmOiRZ * cHApTeR #0x86 =========

DaTE:     1996-12-06 aT 11:33

LoCATi0N: oSMO "OH7MO" kAERkkAeinEn'S hOmE @ hOeTToEvAaRA LiETEVESi

pREsENT:  TAiSTO & TARjA KUUSiNEN (dArK sTuFFeR's pArEnTZ)
          dArK sTuFfER
          oTHRa / Silent Mulats (a.k.a. OONA)
          & L8R: mR.mEgAsTuFf . DaRk FuCKeR . wArlord . MoTHeR FuCKeR
===========================================================================

dArK sTuFfEr: I have been questioned five times in total. I believe others have not been questioned as many times.

TAISTO: You should never give in to political police even slightly! You should always remember the song of comrade Viljanen...

dArK sTuFfEr: I have been keeping the song in question in mind. On the other hand, DaRK FuCKeR, for example, has already revealed many things to the police.

TAISTO: Well, today you might've got some good chance to discipline him. Maybe play that song to him yet some more.

TAISTO: But it would've still been good if Lietevesi had been able to pull the same rope until the end.

TAISTO: But then the bourgeoisie showed its true color, the color of the blood of slaughtered labor and progressive youth...

dArK sTuFfEr: I am eagerly waiting for the new year's eve, when the municipality and police of Lietevesi shall be dismantled and Pielavesi shall take over.

TAISTO: Well, at least there are fewer Kokoomus dickheads in Pielavesi council than Lietevesi, and that's why I also support their occupation.

wArlord: I reckon we both said at home that we're all gonna visit Mega today and watch the independence day shows on the telly...

DaRK FuCKeR: I had to fight so much against my mummy to get her agree to even that!!

DaRK FuCKeR: I reckon he can get out much easier, 'cause Ritu can't discipline him anyhow!

MoTHeR FuCKeR: Yeah, they've been questionin' me too aboot our earlier doings, so I reckoned I could maybe come over here also.

TAISTO: You are absolutely welcome too, if the political police has been questionin' you too.

wArlord: Right, of course we're gonna take Masa too. I'm sure we've got a lot to tawk aboot.

DaRK FuCKeR: Especially that Masa ain't been into none of our stuff in a very long time!!

MoTHeR FuCKeR: I lost a bit of taste for yer stuff when I dinna get 'em anymaw. Like, them CWUnets and demo programmings...

wArlord: Right, we ain't got 'em anymore, so I guess we're gonna get back to some down-to-earth projects again.

TAISTO: Even if the bourgeoisie got the rest of Lietevesi persecute you, there's always our house where you can get a political asylum!

wArlord: I used to be quite happy with watchin' telly on the independence day, but now I'm feelin' a bit bad aboot it.

wArlord: And even Finland practically lost it two years ago with its EU membership -

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well, we've always known that yar taste for games has always sucked, dammit!

DaRK FuCKeR: In Delta ye just always go forward and all the same enemies come to ye in the same way every time!! So borin' -

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Can't ya fuckin' get that it's da whole purpose of that kinda games, dammit! See who gets to play da longest and gets da highest score -

DaRK FuCKeR: I don't wanna take the same way each time! I would've wanted to have some free adventure in that space world!!

MoTHeR FuCKeR: Well, I might've always wanted to drive someplace else with that ship, 'cause it got such fine grafix and everthang.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Fuck's sake yar a bunch of HICKS dammit!! Game are s'posed to be COMPETED IN! Ya should know da winner AND ESPECIALLY DA LOSER!!

wArlord: I don't reckon we should've brought the loser to the spotlight so much...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Hey, maybe we could right now check out who gets da highest and lowest score in Delta now, all without practice -

dArK sTuFfEr: Indeed. The main reason I loaded Delta was the excellent intro music, not playing the game.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I'm sure Kassu would be all eager to play if we instead had a fuckin' Spectrum and one of da lousy MAN-GAMES that don't even count score -

DaRK FuCKeR: Well, actually I'd prefer to play the kinda man-gane where ye can explore freely but that's also got good graphics and sounds!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Ya mean like that STARMAN Osmo showed us da one night?! Goddammit, even yar taste for graphics sucks if some Osmo's -

wArlord: I don't really reckon anythang else mattered to ye in games than that ye got 'em afore everbody else.

DaRK FuCKeR: Right! Whenever we started to have chances in some game against Mega, he always called it crap and switched to another!

wArlord: Which was quite possible for Mega, 'cause most of the games in our village came in thru him...

MoTHeR FuCKeR: And we never got to play Winter Games even if everbody else wanted to! 'Cause our mister lord dinna wanna lose the biathlon part -

mR.mEgAsTuFf: FUCK'S SAKE, maybe da actual reason was that WINTER GAMES SUCKS TOTAL ASS!! IT DOESN'T EVEN FUCKIN' SCROLL!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: WINTER GAMES WAS FUCKIN' TOTALLY FORBIDDEN IN LISTGANG AND IT'S JUST AS FORBIDDEN IN CWU, DAMMIT!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: ALL SPORTS GAMES FUCKIN' SUCK AND ARE FORIDDEN JUST LIKE ALL SPORTS EVER, DAMMIT!!!

wArlord: I might remind ye now that yer now longer the boss of CWU or any other gang, so ye ain't got naw power to decide -

mR.mEgAsTuFf: If ya wanna play some sportsgames, ya can have yar own meetin' for that! Now we ain't gonna play nuffin' or I go home!!

dArK sTuFfEr: I completely agree with this. We came here to review our history, not to compete in games.

DaRK FuCKeR: Then why didye load the game in the first place if ye just wanna hear the musics? Wouldna it have been easier to play with Sidplay -

dArK sTuFfEr: Emulated sound is merely thin squeal compared to the actual hardware, especially without filter emulation.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: That's quite true there, but does that actually matter to ya? After all, ya dinna fuckin' get yar Sixtyfour until like last year -

dArK sTuFfEr: I think this is an objective truth that has nothing to do with when I got my own C64.

wArlord: Objective truth, ye say. I guess it was just aboot that ya wanna compensate for not havin' had a Sixtyfour as a kid...

dArK sTuFfEr: My motivator in C64 use is no nostalgia of any kind, but the fact I consider it aesthetically superiour to other devices!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Fuck off then! And ya didn't even move to Lietevesi until like 1988 or something, so why in da fuck are ya even sittin' here -

dArK sTuFfEr: Nevertheless, I have already spent most of my lifetime in Lietevesi.

wArlord: But maybe Mega could now review all the important stuff that happened in our life afore the year eighty-eight?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well, I guess even Stuffie's heard all da essentials already. First we played with Osmo's shitty computers and then with Kassu's shitty Speccy.

DaRK FuCKeR: Actually it was mostly my big bro's computer, and he mostly invited his own schoolbuddies in to play him...

MoTHeR FuCKeR: But at some point I got to play with 'em too, when Antti took me with him to yer place!

wArlord: And sometime I also came in with the same folks, and soon we also started to see Mega and Sam there...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Right, but fuck that Speccy! Luckily I realized next summer in Helsinki that Spectrum sucks and Commodore hardware is the best!!!

DaRK FuCKeR: Ya dinna even wanna come to play with us after that summer, even if everbody else came to play!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, for some reason he preferred Osmo's computers to Speccy, even if they sucked even much more in graphics and games.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well, I just wasn't interested in that crappy computer anymore! But when the Korhonens got their Sixtyfour I played it whenever I could...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: It was like da best X-mas ever when we came to check out yar Sixtyfour and play Commando and da few other original games ya had...

wArlord: And then the name of the game made us reckon that the computer was actually called Commandore!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, well, nobody of us could read yet at da time, so that was quite understandable..

wArlord: Well, I can say it quite certainly that it was the year eighty-seven at the time.

MoTHeR FuCKeR: First we only got the original tapes, but then Mega started to get new copsy-games every time he visited his Helsinki cousin.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah. And I started to set ya all kinds of rules and conditions for using those "copsy-games"...

wArlord: Right, I recall that quite well dammit! Ye always wanted the right do decide what games are played when yer in...

MoTHeR FuCKeR: And some tapes ye always kept just to yerself then. Like the one with Delta in it...

wArlord: I reckon 'twas important for ye that Masa and Antti dinna getta practice playin' it when yer not at the place.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Fuck's sake, I first had to teach Antti how to copy the turbogames to yar own tape! Fuck's sake dammit, ya took my best weapon!!

wArlord: Well, that's what life is sometimes, ye get paid back if yer unfair to others...

MoTHeR FuCKeR: Even though we then never wanted to play Delta enuff to have any chance in it against Mega.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: But ya started to beat me in Krakout, and I then had to declare the entire game as utter crap!!

DaRK FuCKeR: He even declared Giana Sisters as crap right one he stopped bein' the best at it!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Fuck ya there dammit! I quitted that kinda stuff at my seventh birthday when I got my own C64!

dArK sTuFfEr: Even I remember mR.mEgAsTuFf praising his new C64 at school. We had moved to this locality during the previous summer.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, I remember. Ya dinna know anybody from da village then and were so damn eager to be our friend.

wArlord: And we couldna even resist ye back then, 'cause we dinna know yet that yer parents were communists...

dArK sTuFfEr: I then took a very serious effort to learn the Savonaian dialect as fast and perfectly as possible.

wArlord: And once ye started to be fluent in Savonian ye ended up actually bein' a real person.

OONA: I never even tried to learn to speak Savonian, it always felt so redneckish to me...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: It might've been wise to not even try, I mean it's a fuckin' big mess to learn to stop speakin' it and to speak proper Helsinki-talk instead!!

dArK sTuFfEr: As I recall, the major topic of the autumn was Commodore 64, and making sure that the rest of us would get them.

DaRK FuCKeR: Yeah, I always tried to be so nice all the time, to get Santa give me one! Especially given that we already got our Spectrum...

wArlord: Yeah, ye really had to convince 'em, 'cause it was still a mindless idea to most that there could be two computers in a family.

dArK sTuFfEr: I also expected to get a C64 as a Yule gift, as I had presented my demands to Yule Goat in a sufficiently unambiguous fashion.

wArlord: Right. It really showed back then whose parents were communists, dammit...

dArK sTuFfEr: One of the central mysteries of my subsequent life was the question why my parents ended up to choosing that specific product.

dArK sTuFfEr: As far as I understand, Taisto had visited a home appliances store and requested for a "non-western-made" home computer.

dArK sTuFfEr: Additionally, he was aware of the fact that the Kopsanen and Alarastas families have Spectrum, which he or the clerk confused with Spectravideo.

dArK sTuFfEr: It relates to the fact that HiTBiT is an MSX computer and therefore compatible with the Spectravideo line of MSX computers.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Then ya tried to fuckin' keep it as a secret that ya actually hadn't got a Sixtyfour!!!

dArK sTuFfEr: Indeed, I was so desperate at the time. I even bought cassette tapes you could copy some of your games on.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: But once we found it out we then declared that ya ain't our pal anymore 'coz your computer was of the wrong brand and not Commodore!!

DaRK FuCKeR: Yeah. I reckoned Jyri could've very well continued bein' in our gang even if he dinna have naw Sixtyfour...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: He fuckin' couldn't! Especially when we also noticed that we should start restrictin' who we copy our games to...

wArlord: Was it 'cause Niko had gotten the Cybernoid II ye had originally copied from Helsinki?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, I think it was like that... FUCKIN' KASPER FUCKIN' KOPSANEN HAD FUCKIN' COPIED OUR CYBERNOID TO NIKO DAMMIT!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: NIKO WAS A FUCKIN' UGLY SHITFAGGOT AND YA SHOULDNA HAVE COPIED NO SINGLE COPSY-GAME TO HIM DAMMIT!!!

dArK sTuFfEr: So, this Niko crisis was the key factor that resulted in the foundation of Listgang in early Spring 1989?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah. It was that, even though I had already gotten that kinda plans back in da X-mas...

wArlord: Well, we got a list with Mega, Kassu, Masa and me in it. And ye wasna allowed to copy our games to nobody who was outta the list.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: And we also had a list with all kinda rules in it, like what games and stupid and how to recognize stupid people and what to do to them.

MoTHeR FuCKeR: Yeah, like if somebody plays with Spectrum he's then stoopid, and ye hafta do some prank to him at least once a week...

DaRK FuCKeR: Well, at least we sabotaged Sam's bike many times, like loosened the bolt in his front wheel a few times -

MoTHeR FuCKeR: And then sometime we filled a watergun with piss and started shootin' at Sam with it!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: And at some point of time I came up with da kinda scorin' rules, that ya must do pranks to pay for da copsy-games ya get from me.

DaRK FuCKeR: Yeah!! Then one summer when ye got so many new games, I collected as many prankpoints as I can to get to copy 'em all!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I rather think he's just too wimpy to stand against da Lietevesi authorities...

wArlord: Or then he might've just considered it wiser, 'cause after all he had stronger chains to Wampires than we had...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well, at first ye got most points from bullyin' Sam, 'coz we had declared him da stupidest dude ever for his Spectrum 128.

OONA: But wasn't that so fuckin' childish to use somebody's computer brand to classify how stupid he is?

OONA: But I've heard from Jyri that ya carried on with that classification even to the junior high...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: It wasn't just 'bout the computer damit! That Niko for example, he was damn short for a third-grader and DA DUMBEST WAY TO MISROLL HIS R'S!!

dArK sTuFfEr: Listgangers started to tease me only after finding out the communist background of my parents.

wArlord: Jyri was just a lot harder than Sam or Niko as a foe. 'Cause he fought us back...

dArK sTuFfEr: Affirmative. Taisto always instructed me to stand up and avoid "turning the other cheek".

wArlord: In the end nobody even dared to bully ye even when Mega promised double points for it compared to Sam.

dArK sTuFfEr: Affirmative. Taisto had instructed me to ally with him, so I did it.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: And ya also always chatted 'bout some Basic code and playin' Elite even tho ya didn't even have da same brand of computer!!

wArlord: And we dinna make a bulldung outta their babbles, even if there was Basic and Elite for the C64 too...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I never even got it what was da thing in Elite, and why all da games journalists praised it. Such a fuckin' messy game!!

DaRK FuCKeR: I reckoned it might've the fulfilment of my dreams but I never learned to play it no matter how hard I tried!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, it was easier to just declare Elite as some totally shitty game some Spectrum and MSX lamers play...

wArlord: Yeah, that's what ye declared, I reckon. And ye also said that if ye ever play it even once, yer thrown outta the gang...

MoTHeR FuCKeR: But still, they were quite some happy times, the Listgang times! I'm nearly missin' 'em...

wArlord: Yeah, might've been at least until the end of the third-grade spring, when ye and Kassu got 'em damn Amigas...

DaRK FuCKeR: I reckon y'all became somehow jealous to us when we got better computers!!

wArlord: At least I didn't! Osmo had already told us at the time that Amiga is a shitty toycomputer and PC is the future...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I could maybe admit that I was a little bit jelly for yar Amigas in da beginnin'.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: But da next summer when my cousin had got a proper PC, then I declared that Amiga totally sucks and that Listgang ain't no Amiga gang!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: And ya even fuckin' failed at that! I was then forced to throw ya da fuck outta Listgang!!!

wArlord: And then started the civil wars, when I and Mega started to do pranks to y'all, and y'all paid us back...

dArK sTuFfEr: According to my memory, I also participated in the war on the Amigist side.

OONA: I didn't bother listening to the boys' computer chatters back in the elementary school, but that Juho somehow got my attention...

OONA: Yeah, he was on the fifth grade when I was on the first grade, and he felt somehow magical, like havin' come from another world...

OONA: Then he went to the junior high, and the next year I saw their whole gang when the Vääräpää school was shut down and we were moved to the town...

DaRK FuCKeR: I and Masa had also been reckonin' that might be able to get lotsa games or at least demos from C.O.P...

MoTHeR FuCKeR: But we never asked 'em straight from 'em, just from some town-dwellers Antti knew.

DaRK FuCKeR: Yeah, we were too scared to say anythang to the C.O.P. membas, 'cause they felt to be on such a high level...

OONA: I also felt they were some super magickians, especially when they got their black hoodies!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I think da Listgang activity was quite prank-oriented at da time, 'coz we didn't get new C64 games da way we used to.

wArlord: Yeah, that cousin of yers started to concentrate on PC, and we also wanted to concentrate how to get our own PCs...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah. Osmo had supplied some lousy CGA-XT to Sam back then, so we had to be tight that we need at least 286s with VGAs.

wArlord: Yeah. I got my 386 already in the autumn, and ye visited me like every day to look at it.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: And sometimes I even brought some games to ya from my cousin, like Larrys and Keens...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, and once Masa had promised to hide his Amiga in their attic, we accepted him back in Listgang.

DaRK FuCKeR: But I had to survive with just C64 and Amiga, and I never even get new games for 'em 'cause y'all had just the peecees!!

dArK sTuFfEr: Listgang also concentrated all of their bullying on DaRK FuCKeR at the time, so I tried to ally with him.

DaRK FuCKeR: But I never accepted it!! I also wanted to become a PC dood, so I whined to my mummy and daddy every day to get a PC for me!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: But in da next spring, all da old Listgang doodz had PCs, and Osmo had even made Covoxes for 'em.

MoTHeR FuCKeR: I never had a Covox, 'cause I reckoned that the sounds don't matter so much when playin'...

wArlord: Right, I dinna care aboot the sounds so much at the time either. A mawdem would've been much more interesting at the time...

DaRK FuCKeR: Them mawdem thangs sounded so magickal at the time! And felt like that too, when we got to try out a mawdem from Osmo's place a few times...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I think da only thing I did with his modem was leechin' stuff from some board, like porn pics and Wolfenstein 3D...

wArlord: Yeah, I guess it limited our leechin' a little bit, havin' a 2400-baud mawdem.

MoTHeR FuCKeR: But at least we got some good use for our VGA from them porn pics!

wArlord: Yeah, I wasna jealous at all for the Amiga grafix anymaw, once we had gotten a bunch of pussy-GIFs.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Neither was I. And then da real business started when I got da Terbo modem and ya got also yars da next X-mas...

DaRK FuCKeR: Yeah, I guess Listgang had already changed its name for C00LeS WaReZ UNiON at the time!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: And we also had Sam as a member 'coz he had da first board of da village, and Jyri 'coz he could make so good tracker songs...

wArlord: But those were quite some times too. Everthang was still so new to us back then, all the pirate boards and their top lists -

TAISTO: THE FRONTLINE GOES HERE! ONLY OVER MY DEAD BODY SHALL I SURRENDER THE YOUNG ACTIVISTS I AM PROTECTING!

PEKKA: Mister Kuusinen should let us in right now, or we're gonna hafta use force -

wArlord: For the bloody fuck's sake, are the cops now there at the door? How did they find here?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: At least I'm not fuckin' gonna surrender to 'em! Let's run da fuck outta here!

dArK sTuFfEr: Our chances for escaping are nearly inexistent, as our house lacks a fire ladder.

wArlord: Yeah, I also reckon it might be wisest to just surrender ourselves to the policemen afore they get more to suspect us aboot.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: THAT'S OUTTA DA FUCKIN' QUESTION!! I'M FUCKIN' GONNA FIGHT BACK!!!

KINNUNEN: I would never have believed, that this "computer club" would also be a Communist youth league on top of everything else.

PEKKA: That's quite sump'n. Whaddaboot givin' a phonecall to Wuorenheimo tonight already, to honour our independence day...

KINNUNEN: Just make sure we get to do it before the Presidential Celebrations start.

PEKKA: Yeah, of course before the Celebrations! It'd be totally inappropriate to interrupt somebody's TV watchings on a day like this...