========= C00LeS WaReZ UNiON * HiSToRiCaL mEmOiRZ * cHApTeR #0x79 =========

DaTE:     1996-08-19 aT 12:15

LoCATi0N: aTK-LUoKKA, LiETeVeDeN yLÄaSTE, LiEtEvEdEn KiRkOnKYLä, FiNLAND

PrESeNT:  OH7MO (oUR ELiTE tEACHeR, mR.mEgAsTuFf's uNCLe)
          CWU MEMBAHZ:  mR.mEgAsTuFf * wArlord * DaRk FuCKeR *
                        dArK sTuFfEr * myXTer
          + sEvErAL LaMeRZ, aNd L8tER EvEN M0r3!!!
===========================================================================

 This hear rear computer's for me and Masa only!

 Oh, s-sorry...

 Has everbody already found seats for themself?

 Yeah...

 There's three of us here, and some others get to be pairs!!

 Yeah, so unfair!!

 Why did we need to combine the groups? I reckon ye should've
plenty of time for more classes...

 We did reckon a bit aboot keepin' the old groups but then we
decided to put the effort in the club activity.

 After all, I'm only bein' paid for the computer classes for
these two groups, and the rest I'm doin' for free -

 Why are ye keepin' the post as our computer teacher anyway?
Arto would have the qualification!!

 Arto has all the math and natural-science groups, and even biology
now, so his workin' hours got already full from 'em...

 Ain't Tuula a teacher anymaw??

 We've only got five permanent teachers in the junior high now, and
then there's me helpin' with 'em computer thangs.

 It's gonna be six once Rauno gets outta his sickleave!!

 Yeah, right, they couldna fire him because of the sickleave.
In that case, the groups might change a bit, yeah.

 And the unqualified replacements would be fired!!

 Hey teacher, could we skip the break so we get home earlier?

 Well, let's see -

 Rauno would've let us skip the break!

 I'm just reckonin' aboot that we've got the computer club straight
after the computer class...

 I wanna get home as quickly as I can, and not stay in some
computer club!!

 Likewise!! Besides, I reckon everbody's already got better gear
at home than these 386 flupumps!! It's useless to stay-

 I reckon ye mean, evrebody's who's even interested in that stuff...

 Well, yeah, right.

 Who's arrangin' the club?

 I am, and the Hautataipale boys be helpin' with it...

 So, there's nobody there who even gets any modern-day computin'!!

 Yeah, right!!

 Don't debunk it yet...

 Listen to me now, our stuff in da club's gonna be so advanced that yar
kinda Windows Pentium losers ain't even heard 'bout it!!

 Right, I don't reckon even Mikael's got a FIXED-LINE INTERNET
CONNECTION at home, and we're gonna get one next month in this classroom...

 So, a fixed-line Internet connection, with these flupumps??
Pull the other one!! That'd actually require at least -

 Fuck's sake, a fixed Internet won't require nuffin' from a computer,
if ya do yar stuff da ELiTE way instead of da lame way!

 Indeed. Even the resources of an Amiga 500 suffice excellently for
the full-scale use of the Internet.

 Phew-ew, how clueless y'all are!!

 Yer tone's gonna change for sure, once ye get to try it yerself...

 I doubt that! Proper Internet requires at least Windows 95 and
Internet Explorer three, too much for these flupumps to handle!!

 And what's da essential stuff for yar "proper Internet" in those
shitsofts, ya fuckin' clown?

 All the modern WWW sites use frames and Java and ActiveX... the
pages show all wrong if the browser doesn't support 'em!!

 In a 386 ye can only run some shitty Lynx, that doesn't even
support pictures, not to mention any modern-day animated GIFs!!!

 Fuckin' clown, NO SELF-RESPECTIN' NET USER doesn't wanna look at
some fuckin' puke-colored background pics!!

 The essential thing in the Internet is the information, and useless
Java applets and GIF animations have zero information value.

 And I guess Mikael's mawdem makes ye wait many minutes while
the "modern-day" sites load...

 Good and modern sites are always worth waitin' for!

 Actually it is more essential to finish the desired activities as
quickly as possible and with minimal use of resources.

 That's just yer own super-old-fashioned opinion!!

 I intend to hold to my opinion to my death, as I think is the truth.

 Well, yer opinion would really change, if ye got once to try out
the PROPER Internet with a PROPER Pentium!!

 And who even fuckin' voluntarily uses some fuckin' WWW? IRC,
newsgroups and FTP are where da REAL DEAL is!

 Well, even IRC's dull and ancient compared to the modern Windows
95 programs such as MICROSOFT CHAT!!

j

 Bloody hell, mister Pentium expert... let's now stack up the
facts, what makes yer MICROSOFT CHAT better than IRC?

 Well, first of all, ye ain't limited to some dull text, ye
can chat graphically, in pictures...

 It's got a kinda cool comics mode, that's SURELY outta the reach
of any 386!! If y'all only saw -

 Fuck's sake man, yar SUCH AN UNBELIEVABLE CLOWN, DAMMIT!!

 For real, ya think some COMICS MODE is cooler than some scriptin'
features, bots or global server nets...

 I think you cannot say you have even tried the Internet properly,
before you have spent at least 24 hours straight on the IRC.

 Yeah, the fixed net's a bit different thang from tryin' out
some IRC or Netscape for an hour...

 Yeah, it's entirely different world with the fixed net, when ye
don't hafta count the minutes!!

 We were actually reckonin' aboot this with the headmaster, that
a fixed Internet's a better investment than some processor upgrades.

 So, y'all planned to upgrade these computers but y'all didn't?

 Well, we planned aboot it a little bit but then thought we would
be havin' to upgrade soon again if we took that route.

 Fixed-line Internet would gives a ten-year lead to the other
little villages, so we wouldn't need to do upgrades in that time -

 The headmaster should've asked Rauno or at least Arto first!

 Arto was actually agreein' with me, and the town wouldn't even have
the money to buy any Pentiums.

 Ain't the fixed Internets a lot more expensive than Pentiums?

 Well, I've got some relations with the Pielavesi phone company
and some of my own know-how, but no such relations with Intel...

 But if somebody of y'all wants to show us those Pentium multimedias
at a class, yer freely allowed to bring yer computer here.

 For real??

 Yeah, we tawked aboot this a bit too with Aarne.

 I'm gonna get a new computer for myself soon!! A hundred-megahertz
486!! It'd be so fun to bring it here!!

 In that case, I am going to bring my Amiga 1200 here in order to
prove that many features are more important than the CPU clock rate.

 And I guess Mikael would also like to bring his computer.

 Yeah, y'all would see a proper Windows at least once in yer
lifetime!!

 Yeah, and ya would see at least one proper demo...

 Yeah, y'all could like show us them demos y'all went to watch
there at the Helsinki Assembly.

 We actually missed da democompo, 'cause we got such a terrible
hangover in the morning, from the MAHTI kilju...

 Well, you missed it, I actually watched the PC demo too...

 Whatta fuck? Ya should've woken me up!!

 Well, I tried, but ye just mumbled sump'n there all passed out,
and all the MAHTI members too ...

 Fuck's sake dammit!

 Hey, Osmo, can we get to turn the computers on already?

 Oh, yeah, right, y'all can freely start 'em anytime, y'all got
my permission...

 Yeah!!!

 But speakin' of Assembly, I could tell a bit aboot what kinda
curriculum I've been plannin' for this year.

 Ain't ye followin' the official curriculum??

 The curriculums are school-specific. So, I've now got all the
responsibility for the Lietevesi computer classes.

 Hey, this computer's got some problem! It dinna start bootin'
up Windows...

 Yeah, we took out the forced Windows start-up. Ye can always
start it separetly if ye need it...

 So, our computer classes are gonna be pure DOS crap this year??

 Well, we were plannin' to learn a bit aboot Unix too, once we
get the Internet link first...

 Unix?!? Goodbye to modern days!!

 I've got the kinda principle in teachin', that ye should concentrate
on the stuff that's kept steady for a longer time.

 DOS and Unix have kept practically same for them fifteen years, so
they're surely gonna stay that way for the next fifteen years too...

 Besides, once the fixed Internet gets more common in the future,
it's prolly gonna make Unix more popular and forget the Windows.

 I don't believe that!

 But afore we get to the Internet and Unix, we should properly learn
the basics first.

 We studied computer tech a bit last year, but this year we're
plannin' to get a lot deeper than that.

 Digital logic, assembly and machine language, Ethernet, IP and other
network protocols...

 Yer gonna learn the ways how the toughest computer experts use the
computer!

 Is everbody's computer already on?

 So, let's type a command called 

... David Echo Bravo
Uniform Golf, and press enter...

 A debug monitor is enough for the toughest computer experts.
They can use it to build everthang they need...

...

 So, show me what's y'all got in the memory, starting from 0100...

 Not with U but with D, as in dump. We wanna see the strings...

 Oh, right. Ye mean like this?

 Yeah... there's the string of yers in the memory, startin' right
there at 0100, but ends with the dollar sign just as it should.

 Is the machine code part startin' straight after that then?

 Well, I guess ye know better, 'cause ye gave the instructions...

 Well, let's check it out then.

 F, E, D, C, B, A... zero-one-one-A. Show me the U-dump startin'
from the address zero-one-one-A.

 Okey...

 So, there's it startin'. It's just the way it should, but the
string start address is wrong...

 Ye said what?

 That line, MOV DX, 0109...

 What's we gonna put there instead of it then?

 Well, in what address did yer string start at?

 I ain't gettin' this stuff at all...

 Was it that 0100?

 Exactly. So, y'all hafta rewrite the first machine-code instruction.
D'y'all recall the command to write 'em there with?

 I don't recall...

 It's A, followed with the address...

 Ye mean like this? A011A?

 Right, just like that. And then give the new assembly instruction,
MOV DX,0100.

 Like this ye mean?

 Yeah.

 And press enter another time to get back to the main mode...

 And now it should start with the G command, if y'all start from the
location of the MOV instruction...

 Like that? Gee equals 011A?

 Yeah, just like that, now press enter.

 Now it worked right!!

 I still ain't gettin' nuffin aboot this...

 And besides, it's two o'clock already!! Ye should let us home
already!!

 Oh, right, the time's up already... Well, y'all can get out if y'all
like.

 But the computer club's gonna start after this! So, everbody
who wants to continue learning the assembly language...

 Oh, so it's only y'all now.

 Well, we might be gettin' some eight- or seven-graders here
still...

 But anyway! And I tried to make the class as interesting as
possible...

 Well, so ya ACTUALLY tried to make the class INTERESTING, and then
we're just twistin' some ASM with some fuckin' DEBUG.COM??

 Well, I reckoned that Assembly would be hot among the youngsters,
'cause there were thousands in Helsinki at the convention -

 Assembly ain't a fuckin' asm codin' event dammit! At least nowadays...

 Well, I guess many of the folks there don't even know what asm
coding is... it ain't hot stuff among today's youngsters anymaw.

 Oh, well, so I guess I misunderstood sump'n then.

 It's all okay to teach asm, right, but there are much more advanced
debuggers in the world than some fuckin' DEBUG!!

 But DEBUG is simpler, 'cause there's nuffin' extra in it, easier
to concentrate on the essentials...

 Fine job with da essentials then, ya wasted most of the time for
explainin' how to read the memory and stuff!

 And the computers hung up all the time, when the folks forgot to
put in that INT 20, or jumped to wrong places with the G command...

 Well, at least it teaches ye strictness, when ye hafta rewrite
everthang after a mistake! Back in the seventies, with Telmac -

 G'day to the classroom...

 G'day.

 So, the computer club's startin' quite soon, or has it already
started?

 We're waitin' for the seventh and eighth graders, if there's
somebody of 'em even comin'...

 Well, we're gonna see that soon.

 I'm a bit worried if they're even interested very much...

 Well, at least once we get the fixed net here, I guess da room would
get full of all kindsa leechers!

 And IRCers...

 But dinna we fuckin' agree not to let them to IRC??

 We agreed that they should make their own proggies for if they
want it. From the driver and protocol level up, preferrably...

 Sounds quite utopistic, somebody bein' interested in that
so much to go all that way up.

 Right, I reckoned like that too. We should put a lot of effort to
even keepin' the students interested in spendin' their time here...

 At least I wanna be here all the time!! At least once we get the
fixed internet here!

 So, ye mean even after ye get yer over-the-top 486?

 Well, dunno aboot that really... I guess I'd be more excited aboot
that better computer -

 "More powerful", not "better".

 Oh, yeah, right, more powerful...

 So, this is the computer room then?

 Yeah, please get in if y'all wanna be in the club...

 What's that y'all boys wanna do?

 Sure they've got network cards? So that we can like play Quake in
the network -

 WE AIN'T GONNA PLAY NO FUCKIN' QUAKE OR OTHER GAMES IN OUR CLUB,
DAMMIT!!!

 Fuck's sake, these computers wouldn't even run Quake, they look
like a bunch of flupumps!!

 And fuckin' DOS in all of 'em!! I bet they're some
twenty-megahertz PIECES OF SHIT!!

 Yeah, let's get out, we can't do no sensible stuff here.

 Ain't y'all interested in that fixed internet even??

 Them flupumps ain't worth nuffin' in the internet, no matter
how fixed it is!!!

 Yeah, right!!

 ...

 Right, so much for that hope for the future.

 They've surely listened Mikael's propaganda carefully, dammit...

 They feel like quite hopeless cases, but they've been the only
ones so far who've been even slightly interested...

 The nature of lameness is really gotten quite different.

 Yeah, we never had that kinda prejudices in da seventh grade!!

 Not indeed. We now have to spend plenty of resources in overcoming
the prejudices of the modern youth.

 Giving them a path for self-improvement is not enough. We should
also actively show them the light.

 Yeah! We could like show all kindsa demos to them, and stuff!!

 It'd of course be the best to show them from a big screen and
big speakers...

 Yeah, that'd really show 'em where the chicken pees from!!

 So d'ya mean we should fuckin' organize a fuckin' party for 'em,
damit??

 No, just have a kinda hour-or-two screenin' of some tough demos...

 That'd be a helluva job to haul some projector and amp and some
man-sized speakers in just for some two-hour demoshow!!

 Especially if nobody even came there after Mikael had made everybody
believe that demos are total crap!

 Well, if y'all wanna so sump'n to the whole school, then that could
even work from within the mandatory curriculum...

 It would be very alarming if people did not voluntarily attend our
educational event.

 Well, my minimum requireent is that if we ever do something like that,
it's gotta be MANDATORY for the WHOLE SCHOOL, dammit!!

 I guess 'em computer graphics could best fit in with the art
curriculum...

 But I'd rather organize a whole-weekend party than have that kinda
effort just for some local lamers!

 Affirmative. We could organise the party primarily for the scene,
so we would not have to concentrate on the lameness of the locals.

 Local lamers would visit the party anyway, at least if we gave them
the chance to connect their computers to a local area network.

 WHATTA FUCK!? WE AIN'T GONNA HAVE A FUCKIN' LAN IN OUR PARTY, DAMMIT!!

 I'd prefer to drop the LAN myself, but that'd be only way to
get some of the Wintendo gang in the party...

 Could we also connect the LAN to the Internet? Like, from that
CWUnet link of ours?

 WE ESPECIALLY AIN'T FUCKIN' GONNA SPOIL CWUNET'S FAME DAMMIT!!

 Heck, I reckon that'd be the toughest thang ever!! Not even all
city-dweller parties got a fixed net!!

 Maybe we could only allow external connections to a few specific ports.

 Ye could always do workaround, like by puttin' a proxy on some
shell machine...

 But that requires specific skill and would therefore encourage the
lamers to acquire it.

 Yeah, well, right.

 We've already used all of our available money for this school
year. We should arrange some more from the town council...

 I guess we could cover the expenses with entrance fees? It's
usually sump'n like fifty or hundred marks for the weekend at parties.

 We should still borrow some money from the council. But at least
we could sell that idea to them much more easily.

 Yeah, ye absolutely should say many times over that the party's
gonna pay itself back many times, to convince the Centre members.

 Da adults in da town surely got da money for that, 'coz they're
buyin' Pentiums for their kids and all...

 But what if a child from a poor family would like to visit the party?

 Well, maybe we should make it free to just watch da compos, but if
ya wanna in earlier or with yar computer ya'd hafta pay.

 This sounds like a working solution to me.

 But the entrance fees should be like at real parties, to get
some proper prize money from the extras.

 Yeah, it'd be kewl to have some Cyrbion or Doomrapers and other
tuff crews there, reachin' for da compo money.

 Indeed. Local lamers would feel so insignificant compared to them
that their motivation for self-improvement would get a real boost.

 Right! This is actually startin' to sound like a damn good idea!

 I'm not really gettin' what y'all plan to arrange, but I guess
Osmo can explain it to me in the adult language.

 Well, I can of course try.

 YEAAHH!! WE'RE GONNA ORGANIZE OUR OWN DEMOPARTY!! IN LIETEVESI!!
THIS IS SO EXCITING!!!!