««- · CWU MEMOiRS 0x76 · -»»
========= C00LeS WaReZ UNiON * HiSToRiCaL mEmOiRZ * cHApTeR #0x76 =========
DaTE: 1996-08-12 aT aBoUT 10:20
LoCATi0N: LuOKKA 4, LiETeVeDeN yLÄaSTE, LiEtEvEdEn KiRkOnKYLä, FiNLAND
PrESeNT: KERTTU-OPE oUR tEaChER, fUCkING AnnOYInG BITCH!!!
CWU MEMBAHZ: mR.mEgAsTuFf * wArlord * DaRk FuCKeR *
dArK sTuFfEr * myXTer
+ sEvErAL LaMeRZ, aNd L8tER EvEN M0r3!!!
===========================================================================
== Luokanvalvojantunti ==
KERTTU: So, well! The summer holidays are over, and it is now the time to return to the everyday toil at the ninth grade of Lietevesi Junior High!
KERTTU: As you may notice, the parallel groups have been combined this year due to the diminishing pupil numbers.
KERTTU: I assume we don't need to introduce you to one another, as you probably know each other from the optional classes.
KERTTU: So, I shall now go through the list in the alphabetical order.
KERTTU: Alarastas, Samuli!
myXTer: I'm here...
KERTTU: You are still living in Lietevesi, even though the Hautataipale school was closed and Arja lost her job.
myXTer: Yeah, we're still living here for now, 'cause Arja hasn't found any teacher jobs anywhere else...
KERTTU: But where did you plan to go after the comprehensive school?
myXTer: To the senior high, I think...
KERTTU: I heard your computer club still had a plan to save Lietevesi before you move away to continue your studies.
myXTer: Well, at least we want to make sure that there are still pupils who know computers even after we've left...
KERTTU: You should become supporting pupils, so that you could better guide the seventh-graders towards computer skills.
myXTer: Yeah...
KERTTU: According to the newspaper, you were also planning to establish a Nokia of your own here in Lietevesi.
myXTer: We'll see that...
KERTTU: Of course you do not have to establish it yet, after all you are still underaged...
KERTTU: But once you have finished your studies, Lietevesi will certainly be happy to welcome you back!
myXTer: Well, yeah, let's keep that in mind...
KERTTU: Berglund, Mikael!
MIKAEL: Here!
KERTTU: How is your uncle Rauno?
MIKAEL: He's getting better already, and I guess he can get his teacher's job back maybe this year already!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: (I fuckin' hope he won't...)
KERTTU: That's good, it'd reduce Arto's burder. As you may know, Arto now has all the other mathematical classes and Osmo the computing classes...
MIKAEL: Yeah, I also think we should get a qualified computer teacher to replace the unqualified substitute!
KERTTU: But what kinds of future plans do you have yourself?
MIKAEL: Well, hard studies, so that I can get to the best possible computing highschool next year!
MIKAEL: Then I'm gonna study to become a Master of Technology, and then I'm gonna move back to Lietevesi to save it!
KERTTU: Sounds very good. Lietevesi indeed requires a lot of young computer engineers in order to survive into the future.
KERTTU: Hirvonen, Juha!
wArlord: Here I'm...
KERTTU: I assume your family is not much shaken by the trends of economy?
wArlord: Well, I don't reckon the old Hirvonens are very interested in movin' somewhere else from Hautataipale...
KERTTU: Your farm has still fared well?
wArlord: Yeah, it has...
KERTTU: So, are you then planning to become the householder of the farm once your parents get old?
wArlord: Well, I don't reckon I've got have the biggest urge to continue that, so it might be that or it might not be...
KERTTU: But, at least after your studies, you will return to Lietevesi and save it, will you?
wArlord: Well, let's see...
KERTTU: Do consider that, for real. Huuskonen, Sanna!
SANNA: Right here...
KERTTU: What kind of further educational plans do you have?
SANNA: Well, let's just see where I can get with my diploma...
KERTTU: But, vocational or high school?
SANNA: Well, I don't yet quite know what place would be the best...
KERTTU: Yeah, you have still the year left to ponder it. Jäntti, Eero!
EERO: Righty-right...
KERTTU: Where are you planning to go after the comprehensive school?
EERO: Well, maybe car mechanics in the vocational...
KERTTU: Yes, we do need car mechanics too in the future, not everything will be about computers even in the new millennium.
EERO: I really hope not...
KERTTU: Kallio, Mikko!
MIKKO: Yeah, hi...
KERTTU: Is your father still working in the townhouse?
MIKKO: Yeah, he is...
KERTTU: Probably not next year anymore though, as the Lietevesi municipality will be disbanded.
MIKKO: Well, I heard he might find sump'n in the Pielavesi townhouse but not for sure at all...
KERTTU: But I truly hope you will stay in Lietevesi in all circumstances.
MIKKO: Well, I dunno aboot that, 'cause I'm plannin' to go to the Pielavesi vocational too. There's nuffin' here in Lietevesi...
KERTTU: What did you plan to study there in the vocational school?
MIKKO: Computer engineering, I think, or the electric one...
KERTTU: That sounds quite good. Karhunen, Merja!
MERJA: I'm right here...
KERTTU: What kinds of plans do you have for the future?
MERJA: Well, I reckoned aboot goin' to the agricultural institute, and then back to Vääräpää to work for our farm...
KERTTU: You could very well expand your farm once you have several working hands there.
MERJA: Yeah, that's what we're been reckonin'...
KERTTU: Well, that's good... Kopsanen, Kasper!
DaRK FuCKeR: I decleare myself as being present.
KERTTU: What are you planning to do in the future?
DaRK FuCKeR: I have been so excited of tuning my moped, that I recognise the vocational studies of car mechanics to be my calling.
KERTTU: It is worthwhile to choose one's studies with careful consideration.
KERTTU: I think you could manage very well even in the senior high school, as you have improved your academic grades so much in the last year.
DaRK FuCKeR: I am not a bookworm! The improvement of my grades is merely a side-effect of my rising occult levels.
KERTTU: The improvement of your grades proves that you are gifted.
DaRK FuCKeR: Still, the automobile discipline is my calling, and my success in academic subjects shall not change it.
KERTTU: Well, it is your decision after all, but it is worthwhile to use consideration. Korhonen, Matti!
MASA: Here's what I'm...
KERTTU: We did talk quite a lot when I was visiting Kalle and Veera, but do tell the others about your future plans as well.
MASA: Well, I could maybe visit the vocational to learn a bit more aboot tunin' the car, and then come back...
KERTTU: Do you think there would be enough work for you in Lietevesi?
MASA: Well, I guess I'm the kinda all-aroond guy who can always get the bread on the table somehow...
KERTTU: That is good, Lietevesi will really need resourceful multidisciplinaries in the future. Kuusinen, Jyri!
dArK sTuFfEr: I am present.
KERTTU: Your father lost his job recently, when the parquet factory was closed.
dArK sTuFfEr: Affirmative. Nevertheless, my father shall fight to his death for my ability to finish the comprehensive school in Lietevesi.
KERTTU: What about your little brother, Vihtori? Does your father plan to make sure that he can finish his school here as well?
dArK sTuFfEr: I am not sure of that at all. It is I who have the responsibility towards Lietevesi, so it is obligatory for me to spend the final year here.
KERTTU: What kind of responsibility?
dArK sTuFfEr: Our group is part of a centuries-long chain of sage groups, the last ring of which was an Amiga group called cULT oF pOWER.
wArlord: (For the fuck's sake...)
dArK sTuFfEr: Our responsibility is to find a group of lower-graders to which we can transfer the mandate we received from cULT oF pOWER.
KERTTU: Interesting, surprising even. Is Heikki Vornanen somehow related to that chain of yours?
dArK sTuFfEr: Affirmative. We have met Heikki. He has authorised us to continue his work once he passes away.
KERTTU: ...
KERTTU: I could never have guessed this!
KERTTU: We though the Vornas-Heikki chain already broke up in the seventies, when he rejected Osmo Kärkkäinen's radio club.
KERTTU: But, if this is truly what Heikki has said to you, it is absolutely necessary for you to return to Lietevesi after your studies!
KERTTU: You would then establish your own Nokia here!
KERTTU: You are just the kind of young new-age super-intellectuals who could be expected to be able to continue the sagely tradition!
KERTTU: The municipal office could assist you in all possible ways this autumn... I am going to mention you to them as soon as possible!
KERTTU: But let us continue... Kähkönen, Piia!
PIIA: I'm here...
KERTTU: You were planning to move to Kiuruvesi already this summer, but it seems it never took place.
PIIA: Well, my mum already got used to the longer commute, and nobody's really interested in buyin' our house either...
KERTTU: Right then, it will be really nice to finish the comprehensive school in Lietevesi. Were you planning to go to the senior high after that?
PIIA: Yeah, right there in Kiuruvesi...
KERTTU: But are you planning to return to Lietevesi after your studies?
PIIA: Well, let's see aboot that, it ain't soundin' impossible to me quite yet...
KERTTU: Do consider it. Nuutinen, Elina!
ELINA: Here...
KERTTU: What kinds of plans do you have for the future?
ELINA: Well, car mechanics in the vocational, or if I can't get there, then construction studies...
KERTTU: That's good, we'd get more women to those businesses as well!
ELINA: Hey, that's not the reason why I'm goin' there...
KERTTU: Of course, you should listen to your own heart first. Are you planning to return to Lietevesi after the studies?
ELINA: Depends aboot how dead this village's gonna be at the time... guess there'd be more work to do in the cities anyway.
KERTTU: Well, that's how it goes nowadyas. But do listen to yourself, and then choose what you think is the best.
ELINA: Well, let's do that then...
KERTTU: Hmm, Tiina Pirinen would be the next if she still lived here, but the Pirinens moved to Juankoski in the summer...
KERTTU: But let us continue... Saastamoinen, Kimmo!
KIMMO: Y-yeah, h-here...
KERTTU: What are you planning to do after the comprehensive school?
KIMMO: V-vocational, I r-reckon, e-electricity or c-car m-mechanics...
KERTTU: Allright then... Toivola, Oona!
OONA: I'm here...
KERTTU: What kinds of future studies plans do you have?
OONA: Well, I could maybe try to get to some art highschool... and then to some academy from there...
KERTTU: I hope you will become a succesfull artist who will earn Lietevesi good reputation in the world!
OONA: Well, I'd not be there for the reputation, but for my creative urge, it's like a monster who must get out of me...
KERTTU: All right. Tossavainen, Mika!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah...
KERTTU: I assume you are also planning to return to Lietevesi after your studies -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: FUCK THAT! Right after I'm outta this school I'm gonna move to Helsinki and STAY THERE!!
KERTTU: Oh? What are you going to do there in Helsinki? At least study at some computer high school...?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Hardly any high school, da academic subjects are so total fuckin' shit!
KERTTU: So, some economy school whould then be good for you? Datanomics?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: I'd rather even be a fuckin' datanomic than a high school graduate...
KERTTU: But I am certain you plan to do something for Lietevesi even before that, even if you do not plan to come back after your studies...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: This fuckin' backwaters village ain't deservin' nuffin' from me!!
KERTTU: You said something else in the newspaper interview. Your computer group is supposed to have all kinds of plans for Lietevesi -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Da fuckin' reporter wrote all bullshit there in da interview!! We ain't never said we had that kinds of plans, never!!
KERTTU: Oh. I do think you should take the rescuing possibility seriously. Especially you!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Okay?
KERTTU: You are a super expert among the Hautataipale boys, and even have organisational skills -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: FUCK OFF! I'm not a fuckin' "expert" dammit!! You've just been readin' too much of that local newspaper, goddammit!!
KERTTU: You have exactly the kind of vision that the Finnish information society will need in the future! Not every municipality has someone like -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: I'm FUCKIN' not gonna comment nuffin' to yar goddamn bullshit anymore!
KERTTU: Well, it may be the best idea to leave you to contemplate on this matter. Vartiainen, Milla!
MILLA: I'm here...
KERTTU: What kinds of future plans do you have?
MILLA: I don't quite know yet. At least the senior high, and let's see there what I'd be interested aboot...
KERTTU: Indeed, you will have plenty of thinking time there, especially given that you are of the thinking types.
MILLA: Well, yeah...
KERTTU: But can you imagine the possibility of returning to Lietevesi some day?
MILLA: Well, I've got my roots here, so it might be possible very well...
KERTTU: Do think about it.
KERTTU: I guess that was the entire list. All the pupils are present, excellent!
KERTTU: I would now like to talk to you about the best ways to spend your final comprehensive-school year.
KERTTU: It is important for you all to get to good subsequent studies. This is particularly important to the computer boys of Hautataipale -
== Piha ==
mR.mEgAsTuFf: So, that's what kindsa freshmen we've got this year. They look like some fuckin' pissy shitbastards.
DaRK FuCKeR: I hope they at least worship us so much that we shall not have to say nearly anything to them!
dArK sTuFfEr: Do you see anyone wearing a baseball cap of a crew?
wArlord: Don't reckon I'm seein' any...
dArK sTuFfEr: I assume Vihtori has been observing other seventh-graders and charted their social groupings.
wArlord: There's that Vihtori now.
VIHTORI: Oh, hi.
dArK sTuFfEr: Greetings.
VIHTORI: That bunch there would sound like bein' some computer folks...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: So, yar sayin' those are all da potential sceners we've got? They look so ultra-lame!!
wArlord: Well, I reckon that's what we looked like to C.O.P. eyes two years ago...
VIHTORI: Well, those are indeed the only ones I've noticed so far...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well, I guess we've then gotta shadow on them, dammit.
dArK sTuFfEr: Let us move closer in order to hear their discussion.
DaRK FuCKeR: It is important for us to look as elite and street-credible to them as possible, in order to give a good first impression!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: And make sure that they see our CWU hoodies and start to worship us!!
JONETZU: None of the 66-MHz shitpiles are worth nuffin' anymaw, even Quake's sticky as hell with 'em!
TEMETZU: Yeah, ye need to have at least 75 MHz nowadays to manage in the microcomputer hobby!
HENCCA: Well, I'd say that it's at least 100 MHz!! And some real 17-incher as a screen and none of the 15-inch birdhouses!!
TEMETZU: I reckon 15-inchers are still okay for now, given that ye got the SVGA...
HENCCA: Well, none of the true SVGA resolutions work in them 15-inchers, such as 1024x768!!
TEMETZU: Fuck's sake, nobody needs that kinda resolution for nuffin' nowadays, 800x600 is well enuff for everthang!!
JONETZU: Besides, games care more about the number of colors and the 3D than the resolution!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Ya guys got quite over-the-top peecees.
TEMETZU: Well, yeah, I reckon there's gotta be some kinda baseline micro in every household nowadays...
wArlord: But what's that y'all be doin' with 'em?
HENCCA: Well, what d'ya do with computers in any case? Play games?
JONETZU: And not just any games but QUAKE!!
HENCCA: Yeah, Quakee! Duke is such a total old-fashioned shit, it's worth nuffin' anymaw!!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: And ya think yar some fuckin' tuff doodz for playin' Quake?
HENCCA: Naw, not for that, but for havin' so good computers at home that Quake runs smoothly!!
TEMETZU: Yeah, Quake must run as smoothly as possible if ye wanna be good at it! None of the flupumps with less than 75 MHz -
dArK sTuFfEr: I believe that playing skills also matter, not only the clock rate of the processor running the game.
TEMETZU: Yeah, right, right, but the megahertz determine what it is possible for ye to reach!
HENCCA: If ye wanna be good at Quake with a less-than-100-MHz flupump, it's like tryin' to win a rally with a Lada!!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, right, we got that!! But d'ya do anything with your computers that needs skillz FOR REAL?
HENCCA: Like what, for example?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Do ya code? Do ya have boardz? Or do ya at least trade warez?
JONETZU: Meh, that's all fuckin' borin' compared to playin'.
TEMETZU: Besides, it's useless to make a board of yer own, 'cause it'd end up bein' worse than MBnet! Less nodes, less users -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: So, ya think it's da fuckin' nodecount that makes a good board?
TEMETZU: It's not possible to get a good board with just one node! Or even less than ten anyway!!
HENCCA: Right! It'd be like tryin' to win a rally with a Lada!!
TEMETZU: Yeah, MBnet and Internet be the only boards that matter nowadays, the others be worth nuffin'!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: I mean for da fuck's sake! First, ya doodz think Internet's some board, and then, ya clearly ain't ever seen a good board in yar life!!
wArlord: There's actually quite helluva many good one-noders in Finland, with a much better atmosphere and everthang than in some MBnet-
TEMETZU: Fuck's sake, if there'd be good one-noders, then there'd be articles aboot 'em in Mikrobitti! But there ain't -
wArlord: I reckon y'all be quite a bunch of beginners if y'all use some Mikrobitti to measure -
HENCCA: What kinda credz d'ya have for sayin' that MBnet sucks?? What grade of microcomputer hobbyists are ya, anyway?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well, fuckin' look at these hoodies of ours, and BE SHOCKED!!!
HENCCA: Cee... doubya... ya? It ain't sayin' nuffin' to me, that kinda abbreviation...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Fuck's sake, WE'RE FUCKIN' C00LeS WaReZ UNiON!! Officially da elitest crew in Lietevesi, dammit!! Ain't ya followin' da scene at all!!
TEMETZU: What's a crew? Or the scene?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, of course ya don't know even da words 'cause they don't use 'em in that Mikrobitti of yars, dammit...
HENCCA: Err... when I asked 'bout yar grade, I actually meant what kinda computers ya have...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Oh? Well, we're mostly on the PC scene, but we've also got a ocuple and Amigas and sixtyfours we've been doin' -
HENCCA: More details, please?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Fuck's sake, ya know what PC, Amiga and Sixtyfour are, don't ya? Where d'ya need more details -
dArK sTuFfEr: For instance, my PC is a 386 running Linux, my Amiga is an Amiga 1200, and the word "sixtyfour" means the Commodore 64 home computer.
HENCCA: Yeah, right, but what 'bout the MEGAHERTZES???
dArK sTuFfEr: The CPU clock rate is 25 MHz in my 386, 14 MHz in my Amiga, and 1 MHz in my C64.
TEMETZU: "ONE MHZ"!! THAT AIN'T EVEN REAL NOW!! WHATTA FUCKIN' RETARDATION!!
HENCCA: It's all a bunch of helluva miserable flupumps ya've got!!
JONETZU: Right that!
HENCCA: So, we ain't believin' that there'd be something ya could provide us with in our computer hobby...
MIKAEL: Right! And it ain't worthy to trust those Hautataipale folks in anyway else either!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: FUCK'S SAKE WITH YA TOO, POPPIN' UP THERE WITH YAR UGLY FACE AND STARTIN' TO CHEW YAR BULLDUNG!?
wArlord: Yeah, ye could at least let us rightly introduce ourselves to 'em...
MIKAEL: Well, if y'all talk with my little bro, then I'd really like to know what's the deal!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Oh, right, that's why that bastard's face looks just like yars...
MIKAEL: That's Henri, or HENCCA...
HENCCA: Yeah, and there's also TEMETZU and JONETZU...
MIKAEL: Those are the Hautataipale scene-morons who think microcomputers are all about visitin' some boozeparties and worshippin' satan there...
wArlord: They're actually called demoparties -
HENCCA: Oh, right, they're THEM!! Explains a lot!!
MIKAEL: Actually they're just jealous 'cause none of the modern programs like Windows 95 and Quake work in their gear without -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: WHO FUCKIN' EVEN WANTS TO PLAY SOME GODDAMN BRAINDAMAGED DOOMCLONES OR USE SOME FUCKIN' WINDOZE DAMMIT???
TEMETZU: Err, well, all the microcomputer hobbyists who follow the modern trends?
HENCCA: Yeah, jealous talkin' indeed...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: PISS FUCKIN' OFF THERE DAMMIT!
wArlord: Whaddaboot givin' them swirlies to let 'em learn some respeck, dammit!!
TEMETZU: Hey, not a swirlie -
JONETZU: GET OFF ME!!! I'M GONNA TELL THE FORM MASTER!!!
MIKAEL: Quit it!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Get outta our way ya fuckin' fist-killable nerd, when DA TUFF DOODZ DO THEIR SWIRLIE-JOB, DAMMIT!!
HENCCA: GOD-FUCKIN-DAMMIT!!!!
TEMETZU: Y'ALL BLOODY STOOPID SHITHEADS!!!
JONETZU: JUST LIKE THAT!
wArlord: And then, yer head into the toilet... SOME SUPPORTER-PUPIL ACTIVITY TO THE NEWBIE LAMERS!!
HENCCA: *GURGL*
TEMETZU: *GURGL*
JONETZU: *GURGL*
HENCCA: (cough, cough)
wArlord: Have ye learned yer humility lesson yet?
TEMETZU: Give us some mercy...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well, then repeat after me: "CWU IS THE ELITEST CREW IN THE WHOLE WORLD"...
TEMETZU: "CWU is the elitest crew in the whole world"...
HENCCA: "CWU is the elitest crew in the whole world"...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: "AND I WORSHIP THEIR SKILLS TO MY DEATH"...
TEMETZU: "And I worship their dying" -
JONETZU: "And I worship their SKILLS to my death"!!
TEMETZU: Oh, yeah, right, s-sorry, "And I worship their skills to my death"...
dArK sTuFfEr: I assume this was a sufficient lesson.
wArlord: Yeah, let's let 'em go.
mR.mEgAsTuFf: But we should give one more to Mikael's lil-bro.
HENCCA: Quit it already... pleeze... (gurgl)
HENCCA: *GURGL*
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Okay, getta fuck outta there then, dammit.
wArlord: I guess our supporter-pupil encounter dinna go quite as we planned.
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, definitely not, but it ain't our fault but of THEM BEIN' SO COSMICALLY LAME SHITRASCALS THAT MY HEAD WAS NEAR TO BLOW UP!!!
wArlord: I guess a crisis meetin' could be reasonable now. Today, Hönttölä, straight after school?
DaRK FuCKeR: Absolutely!
««- · CWU MEMOiRS 0x76 · nExT cHApTeR -»»