««- · CWU MEMOiRS 0x71 · -»»
--==oO==-- cHAOS wORLD uNKNOWN -[]- history file #0x71 --==Oo==--
date .......... wed 1996-06-12 at 18:10
location ...... oulu bus station
present ....... kHanatik / cwu wHitedodge / cwu wArlord / cwu nEopardy / cwu mR.mEgAsTuFf / cwu OH7MO / LKR ritu tossavainen [mR.mEgAsTuFf's mother] aarne lipponen [school headmaster] heikki & marjatta hirvonen [wArlord's parents] terttu & pentti kopsanen [wHitedodge's parents]
--==oO==-- --==Oo==-- --==oO==-- --==Oo==-- --==oO==-- --==Oo==--
== Kitchen ==
HEIKKI: There ain't much to praise in what's goin' on in Lietevesi.
TERTTU: There ain't much! Gettin' worse all the time!
RITU: The depression should be over by now, but here it's still goin' on.
OH7MO: The last nail was when both of the factories in the town quitted... more joblessness rumbled in, and many have moved away already.
AARNE: It looks quite badly like that in the autumn there's gonna be so few pupils in the junior high that we have to combine the groups.
wArlord: For the fuck's sake with that too...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Fuckin' B-group buttfaces, we're gonna hafta stand 'em on every class from now on, dammit!
wArlord: But at least there's gonna be more pupils in the town elementary school now that the Hautataipale school quitted?
AARNE: Well, it's gonna say quite well at the same...
OH7MO: I heard Arja ain't gotten a new job either, even though the municipality promised her one. Or have ye heard sump'n else, Sam?
nEopardy: No, I haven't heard...
AARNE: Well, the municipality ain't got no extra teacher jobs. There might be some on the Pielavesi side...
wArlord: Right, we're gonna be part of Pielavesi next year, after all.
HEIKKI: God-fuckin'-dammit with that one too! I'M NOT GONNA FUCKIN' BECOME SOME PIELAVESI PEE-SON, DAMMIT!!
RITU: Right, goddammit! Everthang's just gonna piss out in Pielavesi!
HEIKKI: Fuckin' Pielavesi pussyfaces dammit...
AARNE: Well, our municipality is already full bankrupt. So, it was just a matter of time that the parliament decides to force a fusion...
HEIKKI: Just see how long there's gonna be any school or store in the downtown even, once it's become just another village in Pielavesi!
AARNE: We should now come up with sump'n truly cunnin', so that we can at least keep the downtown services as long as possible.
RITU: Yeah, we'd now need that famous Lietevesi cunningness now!
OH7MO: I guess Lietevesi's gonna save itself with its cunnin' just like always afore...
AARNE: Luckily we've now got the kinda young technology experts like these here computing champions of Hautataipale!
TERTTU: My goodness, yes! The sons of our village are gonna rise to save the whole Lietevesi, y'all can count on me on this!
HEIKKI: Now we've got these cow-milkin' computers, so there might be lotsa work to do in installin' them over the whole Perä-Savo -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: I'M GONNA FUCKIN' DIE RATHER THAN START INSTALLIN' SOME FUCKIN' COW-MILKIN' COMPUTERS DAMMIT!!
kHanatik: Indeed. Our goal is the global world domination, which is absolutely incompatible with local-level twiddling.
HEIKKI: Well, what've y'all been reckonin' then, now that the cow-milkin' computers don't suit y'all?
kHanatik: We intend to maximise our sphere of influence by means so advanced that they cannot even be described to the uninitiated.
kHanatik: We shall attain an extreme mastership and invincibility in all computational neuro-manipulation. Demos are merely a section of it.
kHanatik: We shall also become the feared supreme lords of the Internet, the names of whom shall make Internet users gasping for breath.
kHanatik: The ordinary people who do not use the Internet, on the other hand, shall not know us at all. Our fame shall be purely cybernetic.
OH7MO: So, guess y'all might need a fixed line to the Internet for that?
wArlord: Yeah, that'd be quite mandatory for that...
kHanatik: Yes, absolutely.
OH7MO: I've been doin' some research on that... I reckon the microwave link to Pielavesi Tele would be the best pick.
OH7MO: And then y'all could also well expand that local-area net of y'alls. For some connection and transfer fees, perhaps -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: We're not gonna fuckin' get no money-whores to CWUnet 2.0, dammit! It's our private network!
wArlord: Well, I reckon we could get 'em quite well. How would that hamper us, for real?
kHanatik: Affirmative. It would be technically relatively simple to priorise the telecommunication of CWU members so that the lamers -
HEIKKI: Tawk Savonian, dammit! Or at least Finnish...
TERTTU: Just like that! This old hag's not gettin' nuffin' at all once again!
HEIKKI: Everthang that makes some sense can be explained with plain language! I feel a bit that it's not gonna make no sense at all.
OH7MO: Well, folks often don't grasp forerunner stuff. Ten years ago, nobody could've even grasped what Nokia is doin' nowadays...
HEIKKI: Well, ye can explain even to a farm-holder what a handy-phone is, and everbody understands its usefulnesses right the way!
HEIKKI: But nobody's yet been able to explain well to me what that Internet is and what's s'posed to be so good in it!
AARNE: It may be a bit hard to explain, 'cause it's a totally new kinda phenomenon that wouldn't match anything we've been havin' afore...
HEIKKI: I ain't gotten nuffin' else from the Internet news that ye can find some fuckin' child porn and bomb instructions there!
HEIKKI: Jussi has been tryin' to explain to then what's s'posed to be good aboot it, but I ain't still grasped it yet!
RITU: But even if we wouldna get it now, we should just wait until the boys found a Nokia of their own in Lietevesi -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: WE'RE NOT GONNA FOUND ANY FUCKIN' NOKIA DAMMIT!
kHanatik: Nokia is already a used idea, and far too mass-cultural for our purposes.
wHitedodge: Well said, just like that!
AARNE: Well, no matter what y'all did, at least I'm gonna trust 100% in the computer skills and cunnin' of y'alls.
OH7MO: Yeah, certainly.
AARNE: We adults just hafta believe in it, and give all the support we can to that project...
RITU: Yeah, certainly, no question in that!
HEIKKI: But I'm still doubtful aboot if there's anythang worthful in sump'n ye can't even explain in Finnish...
TERTTU: But at least I'm gonna trust Kassu and other boys in this!
wArlord: But what aboot when we're gonna move away from Lietevesi next year?
AARNE: Yeah, y'all can just start the project here. After that, it's important to get the younger youngsters to carry on what y'all started.
wArlord: Yeah, that might well be...
AARNE: It's gonna be such a challenge on the boys that it might be good to have some kinda coach for 'em.
AARNE: So, what wouldye say, Osmo, if we gave ye a permanent job as our school's computin teacher?
OH7MO: Well, it'd be quite welcome, so that I had some money to buy butter on my bread...
AARNE: After all, yer the only one in the whole municipality who can coach the boys forward with computers.
OH7MO: I'm actually reachin' some kinda limits already...
AARNE: Well, at least we could ensure that Lietevesi has some young experts even after the boys have left for higher studies.
RITU: Yeah, we hafta keep the Lietevesi computing team in the Finnish league even if the squad changed a little bit!
wArlord: By the way, when's that Perä-Savo News reporter gonna come here?
RITU: At seven...
wArlord: It's almost seven already.
TERTTU: Look at that. Could we get to eat that reindeer stew already?
RITU: Well, it should still stay in the oven for an hour, so that we'd get some well-stewed bestness!
HEIKKI: But boys, do tell the teacher all y'all can aboot that Lietevesi Nokia and -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: WE AIN'T GONNA TELL ABOOT NUFFIN' LIKE THAT! OR NUFFIN' ELSE EITHER!
RITU: Well, it'd be good if ye told sump'n, so that the Pielavesi folks would get a good picture aboot the saviors of our village -
kHanatik: It is our principle to be extremely careful of what kind of public impression we are going to give of our group.
wHitedodge: Just like that!
HEIKKI: So, d'y'all really wanna make the newspaper article to be just an interview of parents? Is that what y'all want?
wArlord: Well, at least I can babble sump'n even if the others wouldn't...
OH7MO: It is actually quite a good idea to be a bit wary of what yer gonna tell to some reporter.
HEIKKI: At least Terttu should watch her mouth, and at least not tell aboot that murder thang -
OH7MO: What murder thang?!
RITU: Oh, seems we ain't gotten to tell Osmo aboot it yet!!
TERTTU: Them boys have solved some kinda murder mystery with them computers of theirs!!
RITU: I reckon that'd be quite a good thang to tell aboot...
HEIKKI: It could we, if we could make sure that the Pielavesi dumbheads don't get any kind of misunderstandin' aboot it!
OH7MO: Right! Ye can never underestimate how stupid newspaper-readers be. If there's some murder or crime mentioned in the same story, then -
RITU: Yeah, it might be good that Terttu won't tell aboot the murder -
TENHUNEN: Good evening to the house!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: (Fuck's sake, how did she get in already?)
RITU: Look at that, howdy-ho! We've been expecting ye already!
TENHUNEN: I'm Saila Tenhunen, from Perä-Savo News..
RITU: Ritu Tossavainen... do step further in!
TENHUNEN: Are they here now, the computer championship boys?
TERTTU: My goodness, yes!
RITU: The reporter can also take some coffee and cake...
TENHUNEN: Let's take some then. So, you have baked a whole cake to honor this interview of mine!
wArlord: Well, it's actually to honor our compo success -
TENHUNEN: Well, I've already gotten used to get served coffee at every location, but there's no cake very often!
TERTTU: Is that interview gonna start sometime soon? I'm quite excited already!
HEIKKI: Whatta hell are ye bein' excited there for, she's not even gonna interview ye!
TERTTU: Well, on Kassu's behalf, 'cause he's not so often excited anymaw...
TENHUNEN: Maybe we could start already, even if we're still drinkin' the coffee...
HEIKKI: I might move away from here, so that there's a good seat for the reporter.
TENHUNEN: Oh, thank you so much.
OH7MO: I can then try to translate, if what the boys say gets too technical -
TENHUNEN: I manage with the computer stuff!!
OH7MO: Oh, allright then.
TENHUNEN: But, boys. I heard you are Finland's champions in computers. What does that mean?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: HOW WOULD WE KNOW 'BOUT THAT DAMMIT! Nobody but da adults have used that shitty term -
wArlord: It means that, well, we were in an event called Abduction'96 in Oulu -
TENHUNEN: Is it a kinda Finnish championship race in computers?
wArlord: Well, in a sense -
TENHUNEN: And y'all won that Finnish chmapionship there?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: WE GOT THIRD IN DA PC DEMOCOMPO, DIDN'T WIN NO CHAMPIONSHIP DAMMIT!
TENHUNEN: But you did compete in sump'n, right?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well, yeah...
TENHUNEN: What belongs to that computer competition? Do you like surf in the Internet as fast as you can?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Fuck's sake, NO FUCKIN' WAY!!
TENHUNEN: Do you type with the Word program as fast as you can? Or do you just play some games?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: (For DA FUCK'S SAKE...)
kHanatik: The matters we compete at are far too advanced to be understood by an ordinary mortal being.
TENHUNEN: So, I'm just gonna write about the surfings and typings in here then?
TERTTU: The boys have actually solved some crimes with them computers of thems!
HEIKKI: (Fuckin' blabbermouth...)
TENHUNEN: This is what I'd like to hear more about. What crime did you solve?
kHanatik: Unfortunately, we are unable to tell more about it.
TENHUNEN: Did you catch some robber with the computer? How did that happen?
HEIKKI: Hear me now miss, if there's one word "crime" in the Perä-Savo News article, then we're gonna complain to yer editor-in-chief!
TENHUNEN: I'd actually like to get this into the story...
HEIKKI: Well, on top of the complainment we can also reveal what editor-in-chief Kortelainen has been doin' in our village, so -
TENHUNEN: Well, maybe I'm gonna ask him before I write -
HEIKKI: And YER NOT GONNA WRITE A WORD ABOOT IT, IS THAT CLEAR!?
RITU: Yeah, ye should rather like write aboot how the boys've been plannin' to found a Nokia of their own to Lietevesi!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: WE AIN'T GOT NO PLANS LIKE THAT, DAMMIT!
OH7MO: The boys have actually talked aboot that they could build a fixed Internet connection to our village...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: WE AIN'T FUCKIN' DECIDED NUFFIN' YET!
TENHUNEN: Well, I'm still gonna put in the story that you're planning to buy Lietevesi's first Internet connection to Lietevesi!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: WE'VE ALREADY HAD INTERNET CONNECTIONS FOR ONE AND A HALF YEARS ALREADY, DAMMIT!
OH7MO: Yeah, we're now tawkin' aboot a FIXED-LINE Internet connection -
TENHUNEN: I know the terms quite well, you don't need to translate!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: It ain't seemin' that ya know, dammit...
TENHUNEN: Do the boys have a lot of expectations about what you're gonna find in the Internet once you get to surf there?
wArlord: We're actually usin' Internet already...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: BUT WE DON'T FUCKIN' "SURF" THERE DAMMIT!!
TENHUNEN: So, you haven't gotten to try out Internet surfing yet. I'm gonna write it out like that.
mR.mEgAsTuFf: I'M NOT EVEN FUCKIN' INTERESTED IN DA FUCKIN' "SURFIN'"! THAT SHIT'S FOR DA TOTALLY BRAINDEAD LAMERS!!
TENHUNEN: So, you're more interested in playing the games then? Or typing with Word?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Fuck's sake, what 'bout DEMO CODING, WAREZ TRADING, BBS SYSOPING, MESSAGING, IRC, SERVER-ROOTING -
kHanatik: As well as neurobiofeedback and other occult applications, as well as human-manipulation bots operating on IRC and elsewhere.
TENHUNEN: Yeah, right, that kind of games. Well, I'm gonna put the games in then. Was Doom the name of the game you're playing?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: NO, IT WASN'T!
HEIKKI: They might be a bit interested in them cow-milkin' computers too, at least they're useful -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: WE FUCKIN' AIN'T!
TENHUNEN: Cow-milking computers, right, that's a good one, I think it fits quite well with being from Lietevesi.
mR.mEgAsTuFf: (Mrrrh...)
TENHUNEN: Seems there's enough stuff for a story already. Could we still take a couple of photos, like, about you with your computers?
RITU: Of course! Mika's room is upstairs, I reckon ye could get quite good photos there...
TENHUNEN: So, let's go there then...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: WE FUCKIN' AIN'T!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: DO YA FUCKIN' HEAR ME, DAMMIT!?
== Mekan huone ==
TENHUNEN: All right, there's that computer terminal now. Is it yours?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah...
TENHUNEN: Which brand is it?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: It ain't actually got no real brand -
TENHUNEN: I guess it is a Commondore? I heard that's a common brand among children.
kHanatik: It is an IBM PC compatible computer, but actually I do have some Commodores too -
TENHUNEN: Allrighty then, I'm gonna write Commondore in the story then.
mR.mEgAsTuFf: FUCK'S SAKE if ya write it like that, then ya should at least spell it right -
TENHUNEN: Could you now sit on front of the computer -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: NO, I COULDN'T!
wArlord: I can go, if Mega's not willin' -
TENHUNEN: Don't go, you don't even have eyeglasses. Let's take you instead...
nEopardy: Me?
TENHUNEN: Yeah. Just sit really close there, like your face touching the terminal, like you nerds usually do...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: WHATTA FUCKIN' NERDS?
nEopardy: Allright then...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: MAN, YAR ADMITTIN' YAR SOME FUCKIN' MISERABLE NERD DAMMIT!!
TENHUNEN: Now I've got the photo... could we also get some group photo of you all?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: AT LEAST I'M NOT GONNA BE THERE DAMMIT!
wArlord: Well, I can be there...
kHanatik: But I can not.
wHitedodge: Neither can I!
TENHUNEN: Well, let's take a kinda friend-photo of you two then.
wArlord: Allrighty.
TENHUNEN: Get close to each other there, and smile a little bit...
TENHUNEN: I guess you're not very interested in girls yet, now that you've got these computers of yours?
wArlord: Well, actually there's one even in our crew -
TENHUNEN: I guessed you are the kind of nerds that you aren't familiar with girls or booze yet, heh! That's a good thing -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Piss off already...
RITU: THE FOOD'S READY, COME TO EAT!!
TENHUNEN: Allright, I guess that was all I need for my story.
== Tupakeittiö ==
HEIKKI: Didye get good pictures?
TENHUNEN: Yeah, we got some really good ones.
RITU: You should stay with us and eat some reindeer stew -
TENHUNEN: Unfortunately, I'm still in a bit of a hurry to get home. But I would have enjoyed eating with you and chatting even some more!
RITU: Well, that's a pity then. It was right nice that ye visited!
TERTTU: That was, really!
TENHUNEN: So, nothing but good evening for you all! The story's gonna be out in the Friday issue, I think.
RITU: And if ye still got sump'n to ask aboot the story, then give me a call!
TENHUNEN: Allright then! Good evening to you all!
HEIKKI: Could we already get to load that reindeer to our plates?
RITU: Yeah, be my guests!
TERTTU: Ye could also turn on the TV, there's gonna be the news right soon!
wHitedodge: I can turn it.
UUTISANKKURI: Good evening from TV news.
UUTISANKKURI: Police plans to save in fraud investigation costs by persuading tax-avoiders to report themselves.
UUTISANKKURI: The new Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu promises to destroy everyone who jeopardises his plans for peace.
UUTISANKKURI: Over two hundred people have been wounded in Manchester, England, in a car bomb attack by Catholic extremists.
UUTISANKKURI: An extremely violent act of murder has been revealed in Joensuu, Northern Karelia.
wArlord: Bloody hell, they got to the national news right the way!!
HEIKKI: Shh!
UUTISANKKURI: A 17-year-old youngster from Kuopio was murdered with an axe and steel bars last April.
UUTISANKKURI: After the murder, the body was sliced, and the slices were buried under an abandoned storehouse located in Joensuu railyard.
TERTTU: Jesus forgive 'em!
UUTISANKKURI: The suspects of the murder are four teenage boys who are from Joensuu and its neighboring municipality, Liperi.
wArlord: There was a bit more of 'em than that...
UUTISANKKURI: Crime inspector Kari Mähönen, do we already have information regarding the motives of the act?
MÄHÖNEN: In the light of our current investigation, it seems quite clear that the blood act was motivated by Satan worship.
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Whatta fuck?
MÄHÖNEN: A plenty of Satan-worshipping equipment has been found in the suspects' rooms, including sinister posters and heavy metal records.
MÄHÖNEN: Based on this, our investigation team considers it 100% certain that the murder was motivated by Satan worship.
UUTISANKKURI: We have now phoned an expert of Satan worship, charismatic theologician Jyrki Jyrkänne.
UUTISANKKURI: Charismatic theologician Jyrkänne, how could we avoid blood acts like this one in our country?
JYRKÄNNE: I am especially calling for parent responsibility. Parents should recognise the signs of Satan worship early enough.
UUTISANKKURI: What are these signs of Satan worship?
JYRKÄNNE: Playing role-playing games, heavy metal music, all the unusual interests in general
UUTISANKKURI: What should parents do if they notice these signs of Satan worship in their children?
JYRKÄNNE: The children should be immediately forced back under the protection of Jesus Christ. Our savior says, in the Gospel of John -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: WHATTA FUCKIN' BUNCH OF MORONS DAMMIT!! THEY WEREN'T NO FUCKIN SATAN-WORSHIPPERS BUT FUCKIN' SKINHEADS!!
HEIKKI: Ain't all of them skinheads anyway, them young folks of Joensuu?
kHanatik: According to my own observations, skinheads only constitute a small minority of Joensuu youth.
wArlord: And ain't they already beaten some Somali refugees there afore? That should already ring some bells -
OH7MO: Well, nobody cares aboot the skinhead stuff anymaw, 'cause the public spotlight is on Satan worship.
OH7MO: So, from no on y'all hafta avoid gettin' connected anyhow to that Joensuu murder, at all costs!
HEIKKI: Just like that! Get everthang that even slightly smells like Satan worship outta yer rooms. And to the confirmation camp, everbody of y'all -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: I wouldn't really like to go there -
RITU: It'd be good for ye to go there!
OH7MO: I'm absolutely with it too. For the sake of yer reputation -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: WE DON'T NEED NO FUCKIN' CHRISTIAN REPUTATION DAMMIT!
HEIKKI: Well, reckon aboot it overnight, but I'm just sayin' that WE GROWN-UPS HAVE WAYS TO ENSURE THAT Y'ALL GO THERE DAMMIT!
wArlord: I could at least try to talk some sense to the rest of 'em -
kHanatik: But you shall not get me or wHitedodge We are not even members of the Evangelical Lutheran church -
HEIKKI: Who cares if y'all are or not, BUT IF WE DON'T SEE Y'ALL IN THE CAMP AFTER THE MIDSUMMER, THERE'S GONNA BE CONSEQUENCES!
RITU: Just like that!
««- · CWU MEMOiRS 0x71 · nExT cHApTeR -»»