««-  · CWU MEMOiRS 0x31 · -»»

========= C00LeS WaReZ UNiON * HiSToRiCaL mEmOiRZ * cHApTeR #0x31 =========

DaTE:     1995-06-11 aT aBoUT 13:00

LoCATi0N: hAuTATAiPaLEeN aLA-aStE, LiEtEvEdEN kUnTA, FiNLanD

PrESeNT:  REiJO PiRiNEN (dA fAtHeR of DiCK PUNiSHER)
	  RiTU ToSSAVAiNEN (dA MoTHaH oF mR.mEgAsTuFf)
	  HEiKKi HiRVoNeN (dA FaTHeR oF dA dArK WaNKeR)
	  MaRJaTTa HiRVoNeN (dA MoTHaH oF dA dArK WaNKeR)
	  PENTTi KoPSANeN (dA FaTHeR oF WaRe FuCKeR)
	  TeRTTu KoPSANeN (dA MoTHaH oF WaRe FuCKeR)
	  aARNE LiPPOnEN (dA heADmAsTeR oF LiEtEVEsI cENtRAL sCHOOL)
	  TAiSTO KUUSiNEN (dA FaTHeR oF dArK sTuFfeR)
	  OSMO "OH7MO" kÄRKKÄiNEN (dA uNCLE oF mR.mEgAStUFF & WoRLD HeR0)

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REIJO: Is everbody hearin'?

REIJO: HEAR ME NOW Y'ALL, I've got important stuff to tell, especially for parents!!!

RITU: Terttu, come on and listen up also...

REIJO: I've been worried aboot our youngsters usin' their computers.

REIJO: Especially these boys who just finished their first year in Aarne Lipponen's school.

HEIKKI: It's no concern to our Jussi!

REIJO: Actually this does concern him too...

REIJO: See, I've noted that our Mika's school grades have dropped below anythang acceptable.

REIJO: The only reason for this can be his computer and mawdem.

REIJO: Mika has gotten some bad influence from there. Started to worship Satan and defy his parents.

TERTTU: (That's what our Kassu too...)

REIJO: IT'S A TOTALLY CLEAR FACT that computers turn young folks in such a way!

REIJO: I've now given Mika A COMPLETE PROHIBITION for all computers, and it also applies to other kids' computers!

REIJO: This is especially for the heads of the Hirvonen and Kopsanen households: if you let Mika use yer kids' computers, THEN THERE'S GONNA BE SANCTIONS!

TERTTU: (There, Pentti, didye hear!)

PENTTI: (I heard it allright...)

REIJO: And I'm now gonna strongly appeal to y'all!

REIJO: Y'ALL HAFTA COMPLETELY PROHIBIT COMPUTERS FROM YEAR BOYS, JUST LIKE I'VE DONE!

HEIKKI: So, ye have forbidden 'em from Tim also?

REIJO: WHATTA?

REIJO: Well, err... Tim is a bit different thang.

REIJO: He's gotten a straight-backed Centre Party upbringing and a real man's role model.

REIJO: So he surely can keep himself outta all evil anyway...

HEIKKI: OUR JUSSI'S ALSO GETTIN' TOTALLY RIGHT-MINDED UPBRINGIN'!!!

HEIKKI: And he also got his Centre Party membership right at baptizement, like all decent citizens, so -

REIJO: I don't suspect anythang else, but I'm still for givin' a completely prohibition to Jussi.

REIJO: After all he's still a member in that there Satan-worshippin' club of Mika!

HEIKKI: Jussi's actually quite steeply denouncin' Satan-worship...

HEIKKI: And I wonder if he's even a member there anymaw, 'cause the other boys had beaten him to blood stains a few days ago?

HEIKKI: 'Twas the whole company against one, and he'd also lost his keys there in the Hönttölä house!

HEIKKI: And the other boys had also made Jussi drink their self-made kilju afore that...

TERTTU: But it surely ain't the first time they drank kilju there?

MARJATTA: Naw, but this was some specially evil kilju!

MARJATTA: I guess 'twas some instruction given by the computer, that told 'em to put some poisons in there...

MARJATTA: Jussi was groanin' his stomach pains for the whole day... And when we asked he dinna recall almost nuffin'!

MARJATTA: He just recalled that there'd been some fight between God and Satan forces! Oh Lord Jesus with that!

REIJO: I'm sure y'all gave him some good beatin' 'cause of that??

MARJATTA: Naw, we dinna, 'cause -

REIJO: AND Y'ALL CALL THAT STRAIGHT-BACK UPBRINGIN'!

HEIKKI: IT AIN'T JUSSI'S FAULT AT ALL NOW! Five boys 'gainst one...

TERTTU: I read a story aboot them there Satan-worshippers in Nykyposti magazine!

TERTTU: They've s'posed to have some whole-world congregations they use to recruit young folks in...

TERTTU: They play some Satanic games and play music from some Satanic tapes.

TERTTU: So there ain't chance for one kid to resist much of it... even our Kassu -

HEIKKI: Jussi has shown so much regret that I'd say there's no reason for punishment!

REIJO: But Y'ALL HAFTA BEAT 'IM EVEN IF IT WOULD BE A PUNISHMENT!

RETIJO: As a warning example, so he'd be more careful, and to drive all the Satanic demons away from his body!

REIJO: Take some boilin' water to help ye, so he'll get some true burns! The demons will surely fly away from that!

HEIKKI: WE'RE NOT GONNA START DOIN' NAW WITCHCRAFTY!!!

TERTTU: That's nonsene, even yer father -

REIJO: So let's ask some priest from the town to exorcise if y'all can't do it on yer own?

REIJO: And we're also gonna ask Martti Kääriäinen to scold y'all aboot how to raise up yer kids in Centre Party!

HEIKKI: Well, we can accept that...

HEIKKI: But have ye also given Tim good beats aforehand?

REIJO: TIM'S GETTIN' BEATEN EVERY WEEK GODDAMMIT! EVEN WHEN HE'S BEEN ALL NICE!

REIJO: It's better to be extra sure, and Mister Hirvonen should learn from this too!

REIJO: If the kids've been beaten' regularly since little, then there's naw worry from any computer Satanics!

REIJO: The kid's gonna keep under our Lord's command!

TERTTU: At least we're gonna give Kassu a complete prohibition right away!

REIJO: Yeah, I reckon y'all should do it, 'cause yer way of upbringin' seems to be a bit of the loose side!

TERTTU: Well Pentti's indeed a bit limpy, can't even say nuffin' 'gainst his own wife! A bit of the same sorts as Mister Tossavainen was...

RITU: Do we really hafta involve Allu here?

REIJO: Allu couldna give Mika the real man's model, so he became that kinda incurable rascal!

TERTTU: Pentti ain't relly given any real man's model to Kassu either...

TERTTU: So I guess it's better to keep 'im outta all kindsa gadgets so Satan wouldna whisper to him from there!

REIJO: It really seems like that our Tim's the only boy in the village who's straight-backed enuff to let him use computers!

REIJO: Hirvonens' boys could also be, once the upbringin' methods are fixed and the demons driven away...

REIJO: BUT FOR EVERBODY ELSE'S KIDS IT'S SENSIBLE TO PUT UP A TIGHTLY CONTROLLED TOTAL PROHIBITION!!!

REIJO: Does somebody disagree...?

OH7MO: I could maybe throw in a differin' opinion...

REIJO: YE FUCKIN' CANNOT!

AARNE: It's good to hear everbody's opinion, the Centre Party still supports democracy, after all...

REIJO: Oh... I'm sorry, I flared up a little bit.

REIJO: Indeed, we're in Democracy and not in any Communism, so SPIT OUT YER CRAPS ALL FREELY, YE U.F.O. CRACKPOT!

OH7MO: Krhm, well...

OH7MO: Have y'all ever reckoned why ye got computers to yer kids in the first place?

OH7MO: That's because it's the CITIZENSHIP SKILL OF THE FUTURE!

OH7MO: That kindsa folks won't manage at all in the future who don't get computing.

OH7MO: It's best to start as early as possible, and it's best to give them freedoms in usin' them there gadgets and not control too much -

TERTTU: Dinna we just see what happens if ye give 'em extra freedoms!?

AARNE: Right, it's always good for the parents and teachers to know what the youngs are up to...

OH7MO: Did the adults get our doings when we were young ourselves?

HEIKKI: I reckon not, but I'm still quite grateful for all the beatings my father gave me!

OH7MO: But what aboot if they had forbidden me from hassling aroond with radios as a kid?

OH7MO: Who would repair all the electric gear of the village then?

OH7MO: Or if they'd forbidden mopeds from all the moped boys?

REIJO: There be vocational schools for professionals to graduate from! We don't need naw hobby folks to screw aroond.

REIJO: Our government, thru representational democracy, decides what our society needs, and organizes the educations to match that.

REIJO: Nawbody needs to start screwin' aroond for their own!

OH7MO: Yer a radio hobbyist yourself...

REIJO: I dinna touch naw radio afore I got to the vocational school!

REIJO: There the teachers specially told the youth to get interested in radios, so I got interested. And that's the better way!

REIJO: If I had gotten to the frequencies as a twelve-year-old, then that'd really damaged my school success!

REIJO: And who knows what kindsa dangerous thoughts would've gotten into me!

TERTTU: One's so fragile as a kid, easy to get crazy aboot anythang! Y'all can just look at Osmo and see what he's become...

MARJATTA: Just like that!

AARNE: At least I'd say that Osmo's gotten to be quite an important member of our society, no matter if he got any crazes or not!

AARNE: Lietevesi municipality has saved some long pennies just because Osmo hain't done everthang accordin' to the official rules.

AARNE: So, we really also need some folks who take their own roads!

AARNE: And it's often that the kids can use computers better than their teachers...

AARNE: So I wouldna dare to only depend on the school teaching for our future...

OH7MO: Exactly!

OH7MO: We can't trust that the government would always know everthang better and could give everthang ready from the top.

OH7MO: Just like that we can't trust that we could just grow potatoes and raise dairy from generation to generation...

OH7MO: Especially now that they start sellin' cheap farm produce from the European Union, and we can't afford competin' 'gainst them.

OH7MO: We need other kindsa talents too and not just the same old. Especially we need ones who dare to try something new -

HEIKKI: Once it becomes unaffordable to farm in Hautataipale, then it's all the same to get yerself hanged!

HEIKKI: It's better to be honorably dead than live as an unemployed boozer, ye can count on me on sayin' this!

OH7MO: Would yer kids hang yerself too, when they wouldna be allowed to try anything new either?

HEIKKI: Krhm...

TERTTU: At least I trust that Pentti's might hang himself quite soon, 'cause he's just the kind of sissy as Allu was...

RITU: Shut up there now, Terttu! Don't ye reckon aboot Pentti's feelings at all...

HEIKKI: But that's totally sure that WE IN OUR FAMILY HONOR THE AUTHORITIES AND DON'T START SCREWIN' AROOND WITH BULLDUNGISH STUFF!

HEIKKI: AND THIS ALSO APPLIES TO OUR KIDS!!

REIJO: NOW, THAT'S SOME STRAIGHT-BACK CENTRE-PARTY TAWKIN'!

REIJO: It's best to just forbid everthang that's not specifically allowed by the authorities, to keep the folks away from evil-doings...

TERTTU: Forbidding is the key for everthang, for sure! Ain't it so, Pentti?

PENTTI: Yeah, right...

OH7MO: I'm not into that there prohibition ideology at all...

AARNE: It's all true that ye hafta be careful aboot too strict prohibitions...

AARNE: The kids would then just be breakin' the rules in secret and that'd make it harder to watch them...

REIJO: ARE YE ON OUR SIDE, AARNE, OR ON THE SIDE OF KÄRKKÄINEN THE ETERNAL BACHELOR, WHO AIN'T EVEN GOTTEN WIFE FROM NOWHERE???

OH7MO: I'm without one from my own will...

AARNE: I feel y'all be choosin' yer sides all too easily now.

REIJO: DOES SOMEBODY DISAGREE WITH ME IN THAT COMPUTERS SHOULD BE TAKEN AWAY FROM THE KIDS AND IT'S ENUFF FOR THEM TO LEARN ABOOT 'EM AT SCHOOL?

TAISTO: I DISAGREE!

OH7MO: (Bloody hell, he got here nevertheless...)

REIJO: COMMUNIST PROPAGANDA, THAT'S WHAT WE NEED NOW!

TAISTO: FROM DECADE TO DECADE, THE YOUTH HAVE BEEN FIGHTING FOR GOOD THINGS!

TAISTO: The older generation has not always understood it, but look, what their battles have brought us!

REIJO: Yeah, look behind the eastern border...

TERTTU: Heheheheheheh...

HEIKKI: Heheheheheh...

OH7MO: I guess that was enuff from Taisto for now...

OH7MO: But I'm really not supportin' the idea that the youth would start rebellin' against the system, but givin' them enuff room to live!

TAISTO: DON'T YOU REALIZE, how Pirinen the industrial capitalist is fooling you with his cliched propaganda?

TAISTO: The setting is crystal-clear! The upper class wants the people to submit under its will, therefore preaching humility and obedience.

TAISTO: If everyone had always unconditionally obeyed the authorities, we would still live in full-scale feudalism!

TAISTO: Science wouldn't have been able to develop as all, as the church and Inquisition -

HEIKKI: Well, I'd rather live as a medieval serf than in the Soviet Union...

TERTTU: Heheheheh....

REIJO: Heheheheh... Straight-backed tawkin' there!

REIJO: What we need in this world are humble and hardworking labor who don't complain easily and don't rise to the "barricades" from every grievance...

REIJO: And we also need good leaders...

TAISTO: DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A GOOD LEADER?

REIJO: Sure in hell I do!

TAISTO: I'm just sayin' that INDUSTRIAL CAPITALIST REIJO PIRINEN IS A SADIST WHO TORTURES HIS SUBORDINATES!

TAISTO: HE HASN'T EARN A SINGLE SECOND OF RESPECT FROM HIS SUBORDINATES DURING HIS CAREER!

TAISTO: When I was workin' under Pirinen in the pulp factory, he caused me this injury ALL DELIBERATELY...

OH7MO: We've already seen yer injury!

TERTTU: I guess ye made it on yer own to yerself, 'cause yer such a lying' piece of Communist rot...

REIJO: I'VE BEEN LITERALLY FOLLOWIN' THE LETTER OF THE LAW!

REIJO: Stubborn subordinates of course hafta be punished in the hard way, but WITHIN THE LAW!

REIJO: Although I sometimes hope that the rotteners hadn't managed to get so tight laws passed.

REIJO: If I dinna hafta obey the law, then WORKMAN KUUSINEN WOULD'VE GOTTEN WHIPPED MANY TIMES DAILY AND ALSO GOTTEN MANY TIMES TORTURED IN A RACK...

REIJO: AND ALL OF HIS FINGERS WOULD'VE BEEN CUT OFF WITH A RUSTY AX -

AARNE: Allright, maybe that's enough for these mental images...

TERTTU: GOOD SPOKEN, REIJO! THAT'S THE KINDA ATTITUDE WE NEED AGAINST COMMUNISTS!

TERTTU: Even if somebody died in all that torture without reason, then that'd be a heroic death, important in anti-communist fight...

HEIKKI: THAT'S THE RIGHT TAWKIN', JUST LIKE THAT!

OH7MO: Could we return to the topic already?

OH7MO: We do know that clearly that Reijo believes in quite extreme measures and punishments, but -

TERTTU: ARE YE ON OUR SIDE, OSMO, OR WITH THE PEOPLE-DESTROYER COMMUNISTS???

OH7MO: I don't think I'm on either side...

TERTTU: THERE BE ONLY TWO SIDES YE CAN CHOOSE FROM! AND IF YER NOT ON THE RIGHT SIDE, THEN YER ON THE WRONG SIDE!

HEIKKI: Yeah, ain't that quite clear that, no need to chew no bulldung there...

REIJO: So, we've reached an agreement now?

TAISTO: WE HAVEN'T!

REIJO: Communists always lie, so when they say no the reality is yes...

REIJO: So, let's go on...

REIJO: Aarne, could ye remove the people-destroyer from this space, now that we've heard his opinion accordin' to the principles of democracy?

AARNE: Allright... Well, Taisto, let's go...

TAISTO: I'M NOT GOIN' NOWHERE!

AARNE: Could somebody please come to help me, I'm too old to fight him alone!

RITU: Ye were also preachin' in yer youth, Osmo, revolution and all that. So ye ain't very credible to us now...

RITU: When yer sayin' that yer s'posedly not a Communist.

OH7MO: I'M NOT A FUCKIN' COMMUNIST DAMMIT! And that was just a kinda youth folly...

RITU: Nonsense, yer still just the same...

AARNE: Well, now we've removed the troublemaker. Didye have sump'n else to say, Reijo?

REIJO: Yeah... I've theard a gossip that the computer boys would be tryin' to get to Iisalmi after Midsummer.

REIJO: I've heard there'd be a kind of computer party for them.

REIJO: I just wanna say to y'all that IF Y'ALL CARE ABOOT YER KIDS AT ALL, THEN TAKE ALL MEASURES TO STOP THEM FROM GETTIN' THERE!

REIJO: There they'd be gettin' their final initiation for Satan-worship and Communism and ye can't try to change them after that!

HEIKKI: I'm quite sure that Jussi's gonna stay home, but I'm still gonna start the discipline procedure as soon as possible...

TERTTU: We're also puttin up' the total prohibition for Kassu right away!

OH7MO: (Sigh...)

REIJO: And it's not enuff if just the parents forbid their kids!

REIJO: EVERBODY WHO LIVES IN THIS VILLAGE'S GOTTA TAKE ALL POSSIBLE MEASURES to stop the kids from gettin' outside the municipal borders!

REIJO: IS THAT CLEAR!?

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