C00LeS WaReZ UNiON MeMOiRS: cHApTER #0x10

========= C00LeS WaReZ UNiON * HiSToRiCaL mEmOiRZ * cHApTeR #0x10 =========

DaTE:     1994-10-12 aT aBoUT 08:55

LoCATiON: kÄyTäVä, LiETeVeDeN yLÄaSTE, LiEtEvEdEn KiRkOnKYLä, FiNLAND

PrESeNT:  CWU mEMBERS (ELiTE):

          mR.mEgAsTuFf  cAmE WiTH sChOOL BuS fROM hAutATAiPALE
          dArK sTuFfEr  cAmE WiTH sChOOL BuS fROM hAutATAiPALE
          dA dArK ELiTE cAmE WiTH sChOOL BuS fROM hAutATAiPALE
          FaTHeR FuCKeR cAmE WiTH sChOOL BuS fROM hAutATAiPALE
          MoTHeR FuCKeR cAmE WiTH sChOOL BuS fROM hAutATAiPALE
          WoRLD HeR0    cAmE WiTH sChOOL BuS fROM hAutATAiPALE

          pHUKKEN LAMERS:

          MIKKO "The SkeneMies" KALLiO
          JANI "IceHockeyMan" ROMPPAiNEN
          + OThER mEGALAMErs FroM oUR cLASS
          JUKKA "JUKKA-OPE" SiiKAViRTA (OUR MATHS TEACHER)

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ThE SkEneMiEs: Allright, there's that there Hautataipale bunch of fuckheads! Now tell me WHO THE FUCK OF YOU WAS THAT THERE dA dArK ELiTE???

mR.mEgAsTuFf: It's ya who's da "SceneMan" here, ya should know all da kings of da scene!

ThE SkEneMiEs: No one knows aboot such fuckin' losers! Canna there be nuffin' more miserable than takin' some captures from others? Bloody fuck!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Oh, so you got it ONLY NOW, altho we released it days ago... bwahahah...

ThE SkEneMiEs: I don't fuckin' follow any newfiles listings on capture confs! I mean fuck, y'all guys make a capture and then in the same week ANOTHER CAPTURE OF THE SAME FELLA!!! SO BLOODY MISERABLE, AIN'T Y'ALL ASHAMED AT ALL GODDAMMIT???

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Bwahah!! Yar own fault coz yar so LAME then that ya believe anyfing others tell ya! Yar like a TREASURE CHEST OF HUMOR, people could take like a hundred different captures of you, and each one would let us baffle in a different way WHAT A GULLIBLE HILLBILLY YA ARE! I mean -

dA dArK ELiTE: And once yer sittin' behind the keyboard yerself it blows yer mind even harder...

ThE SkEneMiEs: I MEAN GOD-FUCKIN'-DAMMIT! EVEN THE FIRST ONE GAVE ME ENOUGH TROUBLE!!! I mean, last night the fuckin' SCHOOL NURSE came to visit us and tawked with my mummy and daddy... I heard I'm s'posed to like some "PERVERT PORNOGRAPHY" so fuckin' much...

ThE SkEneMiEs: I FUCKIN' AIN'T! I HAD TO KEEP ARGUIN' TO THAT HAG THAT IT'S FAKE... BUT DINNA BELIEVE ME... "This is a print sheet from a computer system, so it is true, 'puters know everthang and never tell lies"... I MEAN WHAT A BUNCH OF ROTHEADS!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: BWAHAHAH!!! Ya deserved it... and was all awkward there lyin' that it's fake -

ThE SkEneMiEs: And when they FINALLY FINISHED and I got to my own room to call some boards, then 'twas right on my face there in the first file listing, sump'n like "MIKKO KALLIO IS MUCH LAMER PART 2, READ AND DIE OF LAUGHTER, MUST DOWNLOAD!!!" and then I had to waste my own rations on it to see what's in there...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, yar such a PD lamer that even those ten-kilo textfiles are really demanding downloads to you and ya've gotta check da RATIONZ before starting... bwahah! And ya even call ratios RATIONS for real, for da fuck's -

ThE SkEneMiEs: It fuckin' slipped!!! And I'm just tellin' to LET Y'ALL KNOW THAT Y'ALL GONNA BE PUNISHED FOR ALL THESE CAPTURES AND SHAMINGS!!! AN EYE FOR AN EYE!!!

dArK sTuFfEr: And how are ye gonna handle that there "an eye for an eye"? Take two captures of us as well?

ThE SkEneMiEs: Well, we're reckonin' aboot a little bit more ambitious payback than some lamecaptures! We've made a new crew called SUoMEN HUiPPU KoPSARiT...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Ya've made WHAT? "TOP COPIERS OF FINLAND", get FUCKIN' REAL! Ya should take part in some Finnish lameness championships and make up those unbelievably lame names there and make people rip their hair off... And Pillu Paikka SBBS would be yar WHQ then? Bwahahah...

ThE SkEneMiEs: CLOSE THAT FUCKIN' HATCH THERE ALREADY DAMMIT! We've got all da fuckin' toughest fellas in da crew... Jani, Mikael, Eero, Kimmo... so WE'RE GONNA BEAT YER TYPES OF SISSIES IN ALL THE FIGHTS FOR SURE!!! IT'S THE STRENGTH THAT COUNTS!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well, I guess they "count" in fightin', but what about this tradin' side? Yar name's referring to that and not any anemic karate kicks of yars, ya know...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: And what's ya gonna fight us with? With some fuckin' 30-day-old Pelit BBS games, PD lamers as ya are? Yar so fuckin' AWKWARD!!!

ThE SkEneMiEs: Well, like Dark Crystal... and Bat's Nest... and Night Moon... and Dark Hole...

dArK sTuFfEr: Yeah, yer tradin' helluva lotta NPD warez in some DARK HOLE... it's a total PD lametarium...

ThE SkEneMiEs: OF COURSE I meant Dark Zone and not Dark Hole... I always mix those up!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: But where have ya learned 'bout those board names??? They ain't public knowledge!!!

dArK sTuFfEr: Don't ye get it there, he's been EAVESDROPPIN' OUR CHATTER BETWEEN CLASSES and written 'em all down in some notebook!! So that he could then brag aboot havin' called there and there and bein' such a fuckin' wanna-be-elite...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Right, now I got it... YAR SO FUCKIN' AWKWARD, MIKKO!!! DON'T YA FUCKIN' PD LAMO REALIZE THAT WE CAN VISIT THOSE BOARDZ ANYTIME AND CHECK IF YAR IN THERE FOR REAL AND HOW MANY UPLOAD BYTES YA'VE GOT THERE!!!

ThE SkEneMiEs: WELL, FEEL FREE TO CHECK 'EM OUT THEN! I'VE BEEN TELLIN' THE TRUTH ALL THE TIME!

dArK sTuFfEr: Yeah, sure it's absolutely true if you mix up Dark Zone with Dark Hole... credibility at the top of the world...

ThE SkEneMiEs: They're ALMOST THE SAME NAMES! There's such a fuckin' heap of those dark-sump'ns anyway...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: "DARK-SUMP'NS" ARE DA FUCKIN' TOUGHEST! It's not those boards' falt if ya've got such a PD lamer's name memory!

ThE SkEneMiEs: HOW ARE Y'ALL DARIN' TO MISTRUSTIN' WHAT I'M TELLIN'! Y'ALL INSULTED ME GODDAMN MUCH NOW!!! AND THAT'S WHY SUoMEN HUiPPU KoPSARiT IS NOW GONNA DECLARE A GODDAMN BLOODY WAR AGAINST CWU!!! AND ON THE WOODWORKIN' CLASS WE'RE GONNA SHAME Y'ALL LIKE HELL!!!

IceHockeyMan: WE'RE GONNA SNACK Y'ALL ON THE FACE WITH SOME REAL MUSCLES SO YAR FAT HEADS FALL OFF!!! Y'ALL DON'T KNOW NUFFIN' ABOOT SPORTS SPIRIT!!!

ThE SkEneMiEs: AND WE'RE ON SUCH AN ELITE POSITION ON THE NEXT MONTH'S PC-TOP THAT THE HAUTATAIPALE LAMER GANG'S GONNA START CRYIN'!

ThE SkEneMiEs: THERE'S THAT THERE DETENTION COMIN' 'CAUSE OF THAT THERE "CHAINSAW PORN", SO A BEAT-UP'S NOT GONNA CHANGE IT MUCH ANYMORE! SUoMEN HUiPPU KoPSARiT IS GONNA BEAT CEE-DUBYA-YOU IN EVERTHANG LIKE 100-0! AND THIS IS THE COLD FUCKIN' TRUTH FOR THE FUCKS SAKE!!!

JUKKA-OPE: Boys, boys, what's this threatening here? It isn't really appropriate, is it...

ThE SkEneMiEs: (Fuckin' teacher came!!!) SORRY, SORRY, I'M SO TERRIBLY SORRY... DON'T GIMME MORE DETENTION, PLEEZE...