««- · CWU MEMOiRS 0x0B · -»»
========= C00LeS WaReZ UNiON * HiSToRiCaL mEmOiRZ * cHApTeR #0x0B =========
DaTE: 1994-09-16 aT aBoUT 18:30
LoCATiON: mR.mEgAsTuFf's kITchEN, hAutAtAiPALe, LiEtEvEdEN KuNTA, FiNLAND
PrESeNT: mR.mEgAsTuFf -- LiVES hERE, iT'S hIS BiRThDaY PARtY!
MyStERiA -- cAmE WiTh BiCYcLE
DiCK PUNiSHeR -- cAME WItH HiS FaTheR'S "mErCeDeS-bEnZ" cAR
FATHeR FuCKeR -- cAmE WiTh HiS FaTHeR'S "DaTSuN" cAR
+ SoME nON-CWU LaMErZ, iNcLUDiNG:
* mR.mEGAStUfF's MoThER "RITU"
* FaTHeR FuCKeR's MoTHeR "TERTTU"
* mR.mEgAsTuFf's uNCLE "OSMO"===========================================================================
RITU: Come on, take one more pieces of cake, boys... there's still some left of that there lemonade also...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: We'll take later...
RITU: Just eat all of it... growing boys need heaps of fat and sugars... the quicker y'all grow into handsome young men the quicker y'all get to play 'roond with girls... tee hee...
TERTTU: Right the way, tee hee... Or maybe they've already gotten there? But at least Kasper's never talked to his parents aboot that yet...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: We fukken haven't!!!
TERTTU: What aboot Sammy and Timmy?
MyStERiA: No, I'm not...
TERTTU: What aboot Timmy?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: He ain't either, quit it already goddammit!!!
DiCK PUNiSHER: Yeah, fuck it.
TERTTU: At least they've learned to curse... heh... well, no need to hurry at all when yer just thirteen summers old... And it's also nicey that Sammy and Timmy are with in the folks!
RITU: Yep, they bullied Sammy afore, y'know... he's quite a good boy right, but it's a pity that he's gotten to suffer so much 'cause of that there Arja!
TERTTU: True... as long as they won't take that son of Tarja and Taiso Kuusinen into their folks! Scares me a bit... guess he might start preachin' to the other boys aboot some communist and Russkie-licker ideas?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: We won't take him anyway 'coz he's a beginner lamer...
RITU: Jyri was never with in that there "List Gang" of the boys, 'cause he got a wrong brand of computer... they bought him some Eastern computer and not a Western one...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: (Cee-dubya-you, fukken bitch!!!)
TERTTU: That's what them there communists are, I guess! Do stay far away from that there Jyri and don't take him with into yer playin' -
RITU: Have ye Mika already opened the gift box?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: In what fukken time? I've been needin' to eat dat cake!
RITU: Osmo bought some kind of a computer device for Mika as a present... what's that there gadget anyway... maybe Osmo can explain?
OSMO: It's a so-called telephone modem... Mika did have one v22 borrowed from me afore, right, but I heard it's not enough! They need to have a kind of TERBO modem nowadays, I hear!
TERTTU: Sure them here today's youngsters only accept the newest and best! No matter how much economic depression or unemployment or greenhouse effect there is, always buy the best from the store... And now that there's this here European Union that's comin', times ain't lookin' good at all...
OSMO: But it'll sure pay itself back when they save in the phone bills! They copy games to each other with it, and all of them there today's computer games are so big that it may take hours to get just one game with an old and slow modem...
TERTTU: But what's it when they soon want 'gain newer and faster... They've got some real madhouse there...
OSMO: Well, these Terbos are the fastest that can be made, even in theory! No modems faster than that will ever come to phone networks... they should put the kind of laser cables in place of the copper there, and then the data would get to run faster again... but that there Terbo should be well good enough for the next twenty years!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well, actually -
RITU: It's quite good that they can get them there games with a modem like that, so they don't need to get them from postal orders... really saves a long penny!
TERTTU: But surely it'd get cheaper if they just played that there football on the yard, and baseball, and ice hockey once the cold comes... And if they don't dare to do sports then they can take playin' cards, at least three hundred games there and no need to buy one tape!
RITU: Well, it'd surely be more healthy than that...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: And next yar gonna talk 'bout spruce-cone cows, ya fukken backwaters grannies!!!
OSMO: Those devices are also fit for keepin' in touoch with other youngsters! Even 'roond the whole country...
RITU: Could them there boys use them to get girlfriends?
OSMO: Well, I don't really know aboot that, as it's just them there young boys with each other -
RITU: Could I use a modem to get a real man?
OSMO: Well, heh... dunno 'boot that, but ye can pay bills for the bank...
RITU: What's that brumm-brumm soundin' out there?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Dammit! dA dArK ELiTE and MoTHeR FuCKeR came to crash da gate!!!
TERTTU: Like, who???
RITU: I'm lettin' them in...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Ya fukken won't!
RITU: Ain't yer friends** -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: They're my palz, right, but they ain't CWU MEMBERS so they won't get to my birthday! Dammit! Don't ya get it, it's a private party!!
RITU: Oh, right... so, what should I say to them?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Say like GETTA FUKK OUTTA THERE YA FUKKEN NON-CWU-LAMERZ!
RITU: Ye said, non-... what?
TERTTU: All these today's young, they have all their own words nowadays and ye can't grasp at all what they're tawkin'...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Fuck then, I'm gonna say by myself...
dA dArK ELiTE: Hi there Mega.
MoTHeR FuCKeR: How's cookin', Tossavaene.
mR.mEgAsTuFf: GETTA FUKK OUTTA THERE YA FUKKEN NON-CWU-LAMERZ!
dA dArK ELiTE: What?
MoTHeR FuCKeR: Chewin' that bulldung once again.
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Ya ain't in CWU so ya've got no business in CWU private party!
RITU: It's that there Helsinki gentlemen's slang of whatever that what they're tawkin'...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Stadi slang, ya fukken hillbilly!!!
RITU: Tadi lang, right... Mika's been teaching it from them there Suosikki magazines... and then they have all kinds of computer words he teaches too... too much for an old hag to follow!
dA dArK ELiTE: Can we even get that there cake as we got all the way to here?
RITU: Sure the boys will get cake...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: YA FUKKEN WON'T!!!
RITU: I bought the cake, so I rule aboot the cake...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: FUCK YA, IT'S MY CAKE GODDAMMIT!!
RITU: We can give them at least small pieces... Them there boys were here last year too!
JYRI: Hi there Mega.
mR.mEgAsTuFf: So, Jyri came here too!? Well, we don't want ya either... fukken non-CWU-lamer!!!
JYRI: I'd like to give ye a floppy...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: And whatta fuck's in that? I don't need any fukken old warez 'coz I've already got a TERBO MODEM and I can get -
JYRI: There's no warez there...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: What then?
JYRI: There's one mod I made... ye could listen it through...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: I won't be listening to any beginner's lame-ass mods ON MY OWN BIRTHDAY!!!
JYRI: Then listen tomorrow or sump'n, as long as ye listen...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Fine, fine, getta hell outta there already!!
TERTTU: Oh, there's that there Jyri there as well? Don't ye boys forget what I've been tawkin'!
RITU: Come on, sit here in the table so y'all be gettin' pieces of cake...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: AT LEAST THEY WON'T BE FUKKEN SITTIN' IN DA TABLE!!!
TERTTU: Do listen to what Mika is tawkin', Ritu! At least not Jyri...
RITU: Should they be eatin' the cake in the toilet then? Come on, sit down...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: For da fuxx sake, let's get outta here for da meantime! Like, go to my room and open da gift box...
...
FaTHeR FuCKeR: Oh, ye've got yer computer on! Can we listen -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: We won't be listening to anything! I'm nervous enough with openin' this box... Wow!!
FaTHeR FuCKeR: Quite a kewl modem, ain't it!!!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: A new era has begun in our ELiTE LiFE!!!
FaTHeR FuCKeR: Pleeze, couldna we try out da modem right now?? Call to some boxie...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: I'll need to turn the computer off first... just for sure... great that it's an external modem so I don't need to open da case...
MyStERiA: Hey, don't turn it off yet, let's listen to Jyri's song...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Not fukken now!!!
MyStERiA: Yar gona need some time with those cables! We have the time to listen...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Okay, fuck then, THIS TIME!
MyStERiA: Okay... seems to be S3M so probably made with that new Scream Tracker. Let's load it there...
FaTHeR FuCKeR: I'm so excited!!!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Hmm... How are these...
FaTHeR FuCKeR: I gave him that there Scream Tracker sometime last month!!! So excited to see what he -
MyStERiA: Shh!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Ermm... y'know, what fukken song is this?!?
MyStERiA: Let's look at the sample list... At least it says that it was made by Jyri...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Jyri has fukken copied some Skaven's song and says it's hie own!!! Or, well, it ain't on Skaven's level but some mid-elite perhaps... or at least better than those songs I've made...
MyStERiA: At least the samples sound better.
DiCK PUNiSHER: Fuck it.
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Lemme look at that sample list... lamerz never know how to hide da samplez if they've ripped them!!! Err... I don't find any signs 'bout that... Who in da hell has made this!?
FaTHeR FuCKeR: Ain't soundin' like Skaven at all!!! And I didna even give him any songs with that tracker!!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: No fukken way then, if he never even had any songs to rip samples from then I believe it's made by Jyri for real!! All da way down to da samplez!! Wonder if he's already left??
FaTHeR FuCKeR: Ain't we gonna install -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: To the downstairs, quick! Follow me!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Did da doodz go already?
RITU: Yeah, Jussi and Matti left as they didn't want to listen to Jyri's quarreling with Terttu, and Osmo went as well... Jyri's only leavin' right now...
TERTTU: Them there communists always tawk aboot not bein' communist! Rotten all the way down, them folks, all of them!
JYRI: Get it already straight, ye fuckin' bonehead cow that I'M NOT A FUCKIN' COMMIE EVEN IF MY PARENTS ARE!!! I've said this to ye a hundred times already!!!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: JYRIIII!
JYRI: Well, what??? I'm leavin' 'cause I don't wanna listen to that hag...
TERTTU: WHAT! Good manners...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Ya asked me once if ya could get into CWU...
JYRI: Right...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Would yar CWU handle be dArK sTuFfEr then?
JYRI: I've been thinkin' aboot that a little bit, right...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, it's quite an elite handle... Or at least better than some fukken DiCK PUNiSHER!!
DiCK PUNiSHER: Fuck it...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: D'ya know what, DiCK PUNiSHER, we don't need ya anymore.
DiCK PUNiSHER: Err, whatta...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Just get yar coat and shoes, my dear Timmy...
TERTTU: What are them there boys tawkin' aboot over there?
DiCK PUNiSHER: I don't really get it now...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: YA AIN'T IN CWU NO MORE, GETTA HELL OUTTA HERE ALREADY WITH YAR SHITTY MICROPHONE SAMPLEZ!!!
DiCK PUNiSHER: I mean, for real... I would've liked to see when y'all call with a modem...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Ya won't get to see it! Yar a fukken NON-CWU-LAMER now... Muttaaah, could ya deal with this so that lamer gets to his home and no more disturbs us?
DiCK PUNiSHER: (sniff sniff) No... this can't be real... I'm gonna cry...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: We'll be in da upstairs... And Jyri'll be with us! Mutta can try to deal with that lamer all on her own...
TERTTU: Don't ye Timmy cry there too much...
JYRI: So, I'll be comin' with y'all?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Joo, tuu vaa peräs yläkertaa!!
TERTTU: It's a real madhouse, this today's youth's world! And once we join THAT SATAN'S DEMONS' EUROPEAN COMMUNITY, THEN THE LAST DAYS ARE NIGH...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Alright then, from now on I'm not callin' you Jyri anymore! To me yar dArK sTuFfEr... Wait, I'll bring that infofile up, ya can write it yarself 'cause ya've already thought 'bout da ELiTE casing...
dArK sTuFfEr: There.
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Now yar in CWU! And hey, fukk, we'll need to remove that Timmy from there... I'm putting yar mission here as sAMPLE cREATiONS mAN and m00ZiK mAkER. We can release that mod of years like, right now!! Let's upload it today to every fukken ELiTE BOARD with this new modem of mine...
dArK sTuFfEr: I've got some other tunes as well...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well, let's release them sometime later! Yar so fukken tuff, I fukken LOVE YA, HEY, for real... dArK sTuFfEr... We'll get da fukken tuffest CWU releases ever becoz of ya!!! If I were blasted with kilju I could even kiss ya!!
dArK sTuFfEr: Err, right... would it be great if I took some more of guitar samples like that? So I could make some true heavy metal, or -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Dunno, I've heard some heavy metal mods some time, but I don't know if anyone finks it's very elite...
dArK sTuFfEr: At least I think they'd be totally "elite" as hell! Most mods are some fuckin' techno shit anyway...
FaTHeR FuCKeR: Hey, Mega... Mister... D'ya know if uncle Osmo's gonna get yar old modem back?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: I guess he is?
FaTHeR FuCKeR: But will he need it for anythang for real?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: He may be payin' some bank bills with it... why are ya askin'?
FaTHeR FuCKeR: 'Coz I'd like to try it also... right there at home...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: A 2400-baud shit like that??? Well, fuck then, go ask Osmo by yourself... I guess even he'd be laughing at ya, like who's so lame that wants to use some 2400-bauder nowadays!!
dArK sTuFfEr: I'd like to try it too...
FaTHeR FuCKeR: No, I! I asked first, the very firstest!!! Ye must buy yer own!!! Ye must buy yer -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well, if yar so zealous 'bout gettin' some lamer modem then fukken take turns or somethin' dammit!! One uses it one week, then the other uses it the other week... but remember that EVERY TIME YA CALL IN 2400 BAUD YA MUST USE SOME FAKE NAME OR FAKE HANDLE!!! NO ONE WANTS TO RIP THEIR EYES OFF FOR DA SHAME OF BEIN' IN DA SAME CREW WITH SOMEONE WHO CALLS AROUND WITH SOME PD-LAMERS' "LAMER SPEEDS" SHIT!!!
dArK sTuFfEr: Do we hafta fake even when calling CWU's own boxie?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: BOARD dammit... but yeah... MyStERiA, wasn't there lastcallers list in da Darkman BBS?
MyStERiA: Yeah, there is, but it doesn't show the speeds...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well, okay then... ya can use yar own handle when callin' Darkman but YA MUST DO FAKE IN EVERY OTHER BOARD!!! IS IT CLEAR??? If ya want some file then ask me or maybe MyStERiA to get it!! So ya won't be blockin' da lines with yar three-hour downloads!!! Fukken wannabe-leechers...
dArK sTuFfEr: Yeah, of course...
FaTHeR FuCKeR: Yeah...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: "LAMERS SUCKS ELITES RULES"!!! RIGHT, DOODZ!?!?!?
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