C00LeS WaReZ UNiON MeMOiRS: cHApTER #0x04

========= C00LeS WaReZ UNiON * HiSToRiCaL mEmOiRZ * cHApTeR #0x04 =========

DaTE:     1994-07-10 aT aBoUT 14:00

LoCATiON: MyStERiA's r00m, hAutAtAiPALe, LiEtEvEdEN KuNTA, FiNLAND

PrESeNT:  MyStERiA      iz dA sYsOP oF C00LeS WaReZ UNiON dA WHQ bOaRD!!!
          mR.mEgAStUFF  hAs lOTzA eMPTy dIskEttEs wITH hImSeLF
          FaTHeR FuCKeR cAmE wiTH bICyCLe (LAMER!!!)
	  ARJA a.k.a. MyStERiA's MoTHeR (FUCKING ANNOYING BiTCH!!!)

====================== bEGiN cAsSeTTe tRaNsCRiPTiON =======================

MyStERiA: Yeah, it was quite an exciting experience... although I was feeling quite bad afterwards... and mother got angry at me...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Ya've just gotta take part in more of our trainin' sessions. And others in da crew also need training in being tuff! So we won't torture ya like last time...

ARJA: It seems you already invited your new friends here at us, Sam... Well, it's a good thing that Mika and Kasper don't bully you anymore... but you should be wary of those folks anyway... Let it be the last time that you come home with clothes puked all over...

ARJA: I'm no longer your teacher... but the mother of your new friend... and bring your parents the message that they should look a bit better after their kids...

ARJA: It seems Ritva hasn't raised her son very well... I guess you're gonna become the same kind of rascal as Sari... Mika, I think you should bring these messages to Ritva: YOU'RE A MISERABLE CONTEMPTUOUS SHIT and SHAME ON YOU! Could you remember these simple messages...?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: GETTA HELL OUTTA THERE ALREADY!!! AND STOP BADMOUTHIN' RITU, SHE'S YOUR SISTER AFTER ALL!!! DAMMIT!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, she is, but HOW IN HELL IS ARJA-TEACHER CALLIN' HER NAMES WHEN SHE'S SUCH A FUKKEN CRACKPOT HERSELF!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Get back to gropin' those crystals of yars already, ya fuckin' crackpot... And ain't ya ashamed when da whole Lietevesi is laughing at ya!!! THESE ARE DA SIMPLE MESSAGES DAT RITU TOLD ME TO TELL YA!!! LIKE THERE, DAMMIT!!! AND I WON'T TELL YAR MESSAGES BACK, DON'T EVEN TRY!!!

ARJA: Well then... I think I'm so filled with negative emotions that I'll go listen to a hypnogogic tape...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: So pissed off by that kinda sluts... and I'm also pissed off 'coz thunderstorm broke my old modem... so I must call 'round with that uncle Osmo's old 2400-baud shit!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: SSSH! ... but once I turn thirteen I'll get a TERBO MODEM for birthday! And I'll get back to trading hot dayz warez in ELiTE bOARDz!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, we're like dA cREaM oF ELiTE... we've got so damn tough aXXEzZ LeVELZ to a couple of hundred-node boards that are known to VERY FUKKEN FEW doodz... all da warez in them is 0-2-dayz... and no 7-dayz shit... And we've also topped every possible CHART for at least three years!! No one in Finland has been able to anything like that, we're so ELiTE!!

MyStERiA: Yeah, it really sounds you are... I mean, we are such a tough crew! I didn't know that there would be so tough crew here in Hautataipale!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: And that's not all... I've already got a criminal record... I've been fukken tradin' some secret HPA documents from CIA and then I screwed up and got fukken caught! Yeah, and that Purple Motion guy was also in our crew before but we kicked him out 'coz he made so shitty MODs... and then he went to some shitty crew called Future Crew...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah... CWU is really a damn tough crew but VERY EXTREMELY FEW PEOPLE know how FuCKiN' ELiTE we are!! Ya do realize how a great HONOR it is to get to be our WHQ board?!?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Have ya already put the text in your startup ansi that yar board is da CWU WHQ???

MyStERiA: Not yet... I though that you might be able to tell what to write there... 'cause I'm still such a lamer myself that I guess I can't put that ELiTE casing there that well...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: D'ya have some ansi editor where ya could load that startup ansi? I can add it there...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: We've got damn strict regulations on how things gotta be written!! And about what kinda things are prohibited... for example FUKKEN HEARTS or some fukken BRIGHT PALETTES are total no-go!! Those who use them are REALLY FUKKEN LAME!!! Dragons and swords are allowed... and some demons and skulls... but FUCK IT if someone's got a board with some fukken TEDDYBEAR-HEART-ANSI ART then we'll SNACK HIM ON THE FACE!!!

MyStERiA: My BBS, I mean board, has quite a glolomy theme... and dragons and demons are also there... are swords allowed???

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, a gloomy theme suits C00LeS WaReZ UNiON very well... and swords are also allowed... but fuck it if someone tries to become our distro board with some LIVELY THEMES then we're gonna STRIKE HIS SNOUT OFF!!! It's great that yar board is gloomy... All da texts always need to be with da color 9 or 3 or 11 or 7 or 15... or 1 or 8 but only elite ppl can read it... but no fukken 13 or 14!

MyStERiA: There's a couple of texts with fourteen there... does it matter much???

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Let's just change it for some darker color... put da same thing with seven... no, not with seven, it's da DOS default shit! Put it with three...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, it is... I'm addin' that text now in there... "C00LeS WaReZ UNiON wORLD hEadQuArTeRS"... ended up quite kewl, right? Now ur board's da official CWU WHQ!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: By da way, can you copy me some of those Purple Motion MODs from ur file areas? And ya could also copy some of those lamecaptures, they're quite fun!!!

ARJA: ... like, STOP SPREADING THOSE **PERÄTÖN RUMOURS ABOUT ME AND HANNU!!! Our things are none of your business!!! Get a life of your own!!! That's all!!! But now I think I'm going to return to that hypnogogic tape...

FaTHeR FuCKeR: What the hell does she have against everbody...? Such a bitchy-bitch!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, he's shitty... but he's been in CWU before, so I've still got da right to rip samples from him! It's too fukken bad that CWU has no one with sampling gear!!! So we always need to rip da samples... d'ya know anyone with sampling gear, MyStERiA???

FaTHeR FuCKeR: At least he was boastin' aroond da town at Lietevesi week that they had gotten some new "MUSICAL 'PUTER"...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Could he sample us some samples from some record??? At least I'm pissed off about ripping someone else's samples!

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Yeah, I don't think anyone else but lamers use those ripped samples...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Except that I'm allowed to use Purple Motion's samples 'coz he's been in CWU before!!! But everyone else who rips Purple are lamers!!!

MyStERiA: Will I set up some file area for CWU for uploading all the new CWU prods to...?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, we've gotta have such a file area... CWU's got like a goddamn big buncha prods for real... some thoussands... as I said we top EVERY POSSIBLE CHART and this also means prod-makin' charts! So, it'd be quite good to get them into our WHQ BOARD as well!!!

MyStERiA: Yeah, okey... Bring those floppies some day to me and I'll copy them to those areas...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Okay... Great thing... It's so good that we've got so good WHQ board!!! CWU RULES!!! Right???

FaTHeR FuCKeR: I'd like to get hell outta here before Arja comes back with her naggings!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, I may wanna leave as well, if ya MyStERiA have already copied those MODs and captures on those disks...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: So let's just say HOWDY-HOW, and yar welcome to da trainin' session next weekend at da Hönttölä house!!!