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========= C00LeS WaReZ UNiON * HiSToRiCaL mEmOiRZ * cHApTeR #0x01 ==========
                                                                           
  DaTE:     1994-07-04 aT aBoUT 17:00                                      

  LoCATiON: mR.mEgAsTuFf's r00m, hAutAtAiPALe, LiEtEvEdEN KuNTA, FiNLAND   
                                                                           
  PrESeNT:  mR.mEgAStUFf  hAs hOt DaYZ wAReZ cOLLY cD-RoM aNd cD-RoM DRiVE 
            dA dArK ELiTE hAs 41 eMPTy dIskETtEs wiTh hImSelF              
            FaTHeR FuCKeR hAs oNLy 26 dISkEttES wiTh hImSelF (LAMER!!!)    
            mR.mEgAsTuFf's MotHER (as "RITU") -- cOmEs vERy LATE!          
                                                                          
====================== bEGiN cAsSeTTe tRaNsCRiPTiON ========================

dA dArK ELiTE: I've still got some disks left. Wonder what might still fit there? At least I'm not gonna trade that there Ultima 'cause the seventh one was such total CRAP already!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Wouldn't even fit I fink. Ya can take that SIMTOWER altho that's quite crappy as well I fink...

dA dArK ELiTE: Allright, I'll be startin' to trade that one then.

FaTHeR FuCKeR: It's fuckin' sad that I've got so few floppies that I couldna fit even all that I really wanted... OH, FUCKIN' WOW!!! WOWWW!!!!

dA dArK ELiTE: Whatta "fuckin' wow"???

FaTHeR FuCKeR: YE'VE GOTTEN A MODEM AND AIN'T TOLD US ANYTHANG!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Ya noticed quite fast, bwahahahah!!!

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Fuck...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I did say already in da beginnin' that I've got one other new thingie as well, but ya fuckin' lamerz didn't notice until now! Bwahahah!

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Is that yer own???

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Nope, I borrowed it from uncle Osmo... but on my birthday I'll get a TERBO MODEM and then I can trade NPD warez at a fuckin' fast speed even straight from da States!!!

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Can we call some boxie today??? Hey, please please, can we call some boxie -

mR.mEgAsTuFf: They're BOARDZ and not any fuckin' BOXIES dammit!!!

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Fuck it then, please please, can we call a BOARD??? Please please -

dA dArK ELiTE: Whatta fuckin' boxies and boards are ye mumblin' aboot???

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Fukken ELECTRONIC BULLETIN BOARD SYSTEMS, ya fukken hillbilly!!!

dA dArK ELiTE: Okey then, one of them from which ye copied them there GIF pics...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: TRADED, dammit!!!

dA dArK ELiTE: Ok, traded then, who cares...

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Can we trade warez from that there boxie then???

mR.mEgAsTuFf: BOARD, goddammit!!! And ya can't trade anythin' with diz 2400-baud crap... but once I get that Terbo for birthday, then a new era's gonna begin in our ELiTE LiFE!!!

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Can we call even if we dinna trade anything???

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I dunno if I dare calling anywhere 'coz da sysop there would just laugh at me for bein' so slow...

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Please, please, couldna we just forge our name or sump'n...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Fuck that, all da cool boardz got CALLER ID so they'll know what numba we're callin' from!!! Ya can't forge dat...

FaTHeR FuCKeR: FUCK IT! Why did ye get the whole modem thang anyway if ye don't even dare callin' anywhere with it!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Been finkin' about getting some expertise before I put up a BOARD OF MY OWN...

FaTHeR FuCKeR: WOWW!! D'YA KNOW HOW TO PUT UP A BOARD OF YER OWN???

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I FUCKIN' MUST!!! We're a fuckin' CREW now and not any fuckin' "List gang", so we've gotta have a WHQ BOARD we use as da base for our tradin' -

dA dArK ELiTE: Whatta fuckin' DUBYA-H-Q?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: "WORLD HEADQUARTERS", dammit!!!

dA dArK ELiTE: Alright, sump'n like that then.

FaTHeR FuCKeR: I mean wow!!! This is SO COOL!!! CWU will get a BOARD OF ITS OWN!!! And a WORLD-HEADQUARTERS BOARD on top of that!!! I'm sure all the lamers in the elementary school will get sooo jealous aboot us!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: It's still got some thingiez I've gotta work on...

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Can ye show us yer own board??? Can ye show -

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I don't dare yet coz it's got so crappy ANSIz and none of those nice add-ons... Let's call some other board instead? WITH A FAKE NAME, okay???

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Yeah! We're callin' a board!!! All the elementary school lamers will be so jealous!

dA dArK ELiTE: Wait first that I get done with copyin' this game...

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Still many disks left???

dA dArK ELiTE: It's the last one...

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Okey, I can wait for that...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I've got a couple of board lists to look at... An all-Finland list and then a list for da 97X area.

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Hey wow, nine-seven-ex, is the 978 area code also in that there nine-seven-ex?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, but -

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Wonder if there's any board in Lietevesi!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I don't believe there's any in Lietevesi... but there may be some in Pielavesi, I fink...

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Please please, let's look at the 97X area board list!?!?

dA dArK ELiTE: Now I'm done copyin' this game!

FaTHeR FuCKeR: PLEEZE!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Okay then, we can call some board diz time... Wait 'til I get that list on screen... There.

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Yeah!!! Wow, look, somebodies that begin with 978!!! Wow, "DARK MAN BBS", sounds really great!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Some lamer board I fink... no, goddammit! It's a 24H board so it's got a node of its own... AND HEY, FUKKEN FUKK!!!

dA dArK ELiTE: What's that Tossavainen guy cryin' again?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: GUESS WHAT, THAT FUKKEN BOARD'S IN DA LIETEVESI MUNICIPIALITY COZ ITS NUMBA STARTS WITH 4!!! And for da fuxx sake, it beginz wif 43, so it's right here in Hautataipale!!!

FaTHeR FuCKeR: I mean bloody fuck, somebody from Hautataipale has putten a board up!!! Wonder who it's???

dA dArK ELiTE: Didna that there Osmo Kärkkäinen know quite a heap aboot this here telecom stuff...?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Uncle Osmo ain't got any fukken board, he finx boardz are childish. Phoneboardz that is, radio thingiez are different...

dA dArK ELiTE: Wonder if it belongs to somebody in the junior high...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I dunno about anyone in diz village who might've got a board... Korhonen, I mean MoTHeR FuCKeR, would maybe know coz he knowz junior-higherz but he's not here... But I MEAN DAMN! SOMEONE HAS PUT UP A BOARD IN HAUTATAIPALE BEFORE US!!! AND IT'S EVEN A 24H BOARD!!! WE'RE NOT DA ELiTEST GROUP IN DA VILLAGE!!!

FaTHeR FuCKeR: But could we call it right now, PLEASE PLEASE??? Could we -

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Alrite, let's call it... I'm writin' down da numba... Da sysop there ain't very elite coz his handle's SOME FUKKEN MyStERiA!!! Some mid-elite at most perhaps... But da name of da board DARK MAN BBS is rather cool so he may well be some mid-elite...

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Shall we call there with the kinda forged name???

mR.mEgAsTuFf: OFCOZ WE'LL DO A FAKE!!! Especially now that ya can't even get caller-id here in the backwoodz so who cares...

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Do we need to make up such a fake name for us...?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, we could pretend to be some true lamerz coz we've only got diz 2400-baud modem. Lamerz always call boardz with real namez... wonder what's a good one??

FaTHeR FuCKeR: At least not such a name he might know aboot...

dA dArK ELiTE: Sump'n like ALEKSI might be a good one... some traitors-of-fatherland who shit aroond in their mothers' room have names like that...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, bwahahah, ALEKSI, a really lame name!!! All da lamerz are Aleksi or then some fukken MIKKO, bwahahah!

dA dArK ELiTE: Does that need a last name too?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, ofcoz, lamerz always use da full name.

dA dArK ELiTE: Wonder what's a good name... some ALARASTAS, or PENNANEN...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, let's take that PENNANEN, he's some lamer who lives in da town and I've heard he's so fukken lame... Don't dare take that Alarastas coz he might know Sam and start askin'...

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Hahahah, ALEKSI PENNANEN, bwahahahah!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: And we've gotta type totally fukken slowly all da time just like lamerz do, so we won't reveal that we're ELiTE!!!

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Can't we just call the board already???

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Alrite, puttin' da dialer on... No, I'll put da capture on first, so all that gets across da line will get saved in a file...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: A rather cool ansi!!! He's some mid-elite, I fink...

FaTHeR FuCKeR: But a damn long pic, should finish already...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Fuck that, elites are allowed to have long ansis!!! Our modem's just so slow that we need to wait -

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Now it's askin' our name!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I'm typin' it here goddamn slowly: A-LEK-SI PEN-N-A-N-E-N, bwahahah, a real lamer's typin' speed!!! Then ya've always gotta WAIT for a few seconds before pressin' enter, coz lamerz never realize dat ya've always gotta press enter after each line!!!

dA dArK ELiTE: Bwahahahah!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Now it's askin' if we're really a new user!!! Aleksi needs to fink very long before he gets da question!!! Okay, NOW we're pressin' Y for YES, bwahahah.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Aleksi's too lame to get those questions so he'd just type somethin' like "dunno" and somethin' as lame as that, bwahahah... and he wouldn't have got any kinda handle anyway!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: He might perhaps get that... Aleksi's home location would be somethin' like "piela Vesi", with a space in between, bwahahah how lame is that!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Again too difficult words for Aleksi... Anyway he'd just press enter at every occassion coz he won't understand anythin' 'bout those questions.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Fuck, didn't accept "dunno" there, bwahah...

dA dArK ELiTE: Wouldn't he at least know his own birthday, for the fuck's sake?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Okay, I'll put my own there then... Bwahah, it seems to accept "dunno" for phone numbaz...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Aleksi would ofcoz use his own first name as password, bwahah...

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Hey, fuck, what's happenin' now!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Sysop's comin' to chat!!! Bwahahahah!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Bwahahahah!!! We just typed slowly and he now believes that!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Lamerz always try to type in standard Finnish but don't really succeed with it!!! Bwahahah!!!

dA dArK ELiTE: What are those satanic signs he's droppin' there in the end???

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Those are so-called SMILEY CODEZ dat all da elite ppl use... and sometimes lamerz too... but I guess he's some mid-elite coz he's not typing ELiTE or not any cool Helsinki slang... but doesn't write entirely standard either...

dA dArK ELiTE: QSOERS, bwahahah!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Lamerz always copy others so I put a same kinda SMILEY CODE there, bwahahah!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Help me now, whatta fukk will I make up for him...

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Do we hafta make up some name for that???

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Quickly make up somethin', I'm tryin' to win some time...

dA dArK ELiTE: Let's put sump'n like MIKKO KALLIO ...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: WHATTA FUKK!?!?! Didya make that name up for real?

dA dArK ELiTE: Nope, it's the name of one really stupid town faggot...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: FUCK IT, YA GODDAMN LAMER!!! WE TOTALLY SCREWED DIZ UP NOW!!! I'M FUKKEN PRESSIN' ALT-H SO IT'LL CUT...

dA dArK ELiTE: DON'T PRESS IT YET, GODDAMMIT!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: HAVE YA GOT ANY IDEA HOW TO SAVE DIZ ANYMORE???

dA dArK ELiTE: Bloody fuck, let's just ask him all kinds of dullities!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Fuck that, ya can write by yarself then!!! Here's da keyboard!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Type a little slower, goddammit!!!

dA dArK ELiTE: Oops. Anyway, I put such a colon-bar-code-whatever there in the end, bwahahah...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: WHATTA FUCK ARE YA TYPIN'!?!?!? UR REVEALIN' URSELF!?!?!?

dA dArK ELiTE: Don't be so jumpy, this'll gonna amuse us to hell!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Buahahah!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I MEAN WHATTA FUKK!?!?!?

dA dArK ELiTE: HE'S GODDAMN SAM ALARASTAS, AIN'T HE!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Who else was there on da sixth grade at Hautataipale? Jyri Kuusinen was there but he ain't got a computer other than some fukken Sony MSX... and at least no modem...

dA dArK ELiTE: Yeah, HE'S SAMULI FOR REAL, BLOODY HELL!!!

FaTHeR FuCKeR: OH FUCKIN' BLOODY HELL DAMNIT, SAMULI'S PUTTEN A BOARD UP!!! SAMULI'S PUTTEN A BOARD UP!!!!!

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Ask him still some dumb stuff!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: But don't write anything that might betray us!!! Just ask but don't reveal anything!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Why in hell are ya askin' somethin' like that? We do know he's twelve...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Whatta fuck, Samuli's turned thirteen before me!!!

dA dArK ELiTE: I MEAN HAHAHAHAH HHOOHOHHOHO

mR.mEgAsTuFf: FUKKEN BWABWAH!!! I CAN'T STAND DIZ ANYMORE!!!

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Ask still sump'n, pretty please pleeze???

dA dArK ELiTE: I canna make up anythin' anymore!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Okay, then finish it. Say somethin' like that yar mutta's asking ya for coffee? Bwahahah, lamerz always got muttaz askin' 'em for coffee...

dA dArK ELiTE: Whatta fuckin' MUTTA???

mR.mEgAsTuFf: MOTHER, goddamnit, or should I say MOMMY-YOMMY ya fukken hillbilly!?!?

dA dArK ELiTE: Got it...

FaTHeR FuCKeR: HAHAHAH, SAMULI'S SHOWIN' OTHERS HOW NOT TO APPEAR LIKE A LAMER!!!

dA dArK ELiTE: BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Gimme that keyboard...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I MEAN GODDAMNIT!!! I'VE GOTTA RECOVER FROM DIZ SHOCK!!!

FaTHeR FuCKeR: HAHAHAHAH!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: QUIT THAT LAUGHIN' ALREADY, I'VE NOW GOT SOME BIG BUZZ TO TELL YA!!!

dA dArK ELiTE: Whatta hell???

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Wait for me to shut da door first...

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Won't that there Samuli make ye laugh...?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Ofcoz he's a total idiot guy, but HE'S SURPASSED US IN ELiTENESS!!!

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Whatta???

mR.mEgAsTuFf: WE'VE GOTTA HAVE AN EMERGENCY MEETING AS SOON AS POSSIBLE AND FINK ABOUT SOME REALLY GENIUS RESCUE PLAN!!! For da fuxx sake damnit... he could've been anyone else than SAMULI, I mean FUKKEN FUKK!!!

dA dArK ELiTE: What's we gonna do now??

mR.mEgAsTuFf: We've gotta find a way in CWU to take revenge at Samuli who put his board up before us dammit!!! On junior high EVERYONE will laugh at us if we fall behind SOME FUKKEN SAMULI ALARASTAS in eliteness!!! Someone whose handle's so immensely stupid as "MyStERiA"!!! If Samuli's gona get a hundred swirlies then we'll surely gonna get like MILLION!!! DIZ AIN'T FUN!!!

dA dArK ELiTE: But ain't Sam still quite dull even if he knew how to use computers better than us? He hasn't even tried out booze or tobacco...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Right, and he hasn't even got any porn pixx coz he dunno anythin' about them... but STILL, COME UP WIF SOMETHIN' WE COULD DO TO HIM!!!

RITU: Didna ye boys not hear me??? GET TO THE COFFEE TABLE NOW!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Alrite mutta, we're comin' RIGHT SOON...

RITU: COFFEE WON'T BE WAITIN' MUCH LONGER!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: YEAH YEAH GOT IT, GET DA FUKK OUTTA HERE NOW YA GODDAMN BITCH!!!

SLAM!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Let's go for that coffee... but DON'T EVEN WHISPER ANYTHING about Sam in the coffee table or ya'll FLY OUTTA DA CREW!!! This thing's like TOP SECRET!!! And ya ain't allowed to mention da emergency meeting either!!! Da meeting's gonna be at da Hukkasuo shed so that any kiddiez won't eavesdrop!!!

dA dArK ELiTE: Got it.

FaTHeR FuCKeR: But we can talk at coffee aboot all of them there games we copi- I mean traded.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah.

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