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========= C00LeS WaReZ UNiON * HiSToRiCaL mEmOiRZ * cHApTeR #0x00 =========

DaTE:     1994-07-03 aT aBoUT 19:00

LoCATi0N: hÖnTTÖLä aBaNDoNEd hOuSe, hAutAtAiPALe, LiEtEvEdEN KuNTA, FiNLAND

PrESeNT:  mR.mEgAsTuFf  (as "MEKA")  cAmE WiTH "tUnTuRi" mOtORcYcLE
          dA dArK ELiTE (as "JUSSI") cAmE WiTH "vALmET" tRaCtOr
          FaTHeR FuCKeR (as "KASSU") cAmE WiTH BiCYcLE (LAMER!!!)
          MoTHeR FuCKeR (as "MASA")  cAmE WiTH "tUnTuRi" mOtORcYcLE

====================== bEGiN cAsSeTTe tRaNsCRiPTiON =======================

MEKA: Is it recordin'?

KASSU: Yeah...

MEKA: Okay, sit down... Uh-hum, okay... Ya know, I wanna...

MASA: Huhuhuh, "Ya know, I wanna".

MEKA: SHUT DA FUCK UP NOW! I've got sum big buzz to tell ya now.

MASA: "Big buzz", huhuhuh, all the way up to "big buzz".

JUSSI: It always shows when he's been to Helsinki, as his yapperin' makes naw sense anymaw. Tryin' to be some posh gentleman...

MASA: It's that Helsinki slang thang.

JUSSI: But sure it'll fix when time goes on...

MEKA: SHUT DA FUKKEN UP NOW YA FUKKEN LAMERZ DAMMIT!!!

MASA: Huhuhuh, now we're "fukken lamerz dammit", hahahah.

MEKA: COME ON GUYS, FOR REAL, GODDAMMIT, D'YA REALLY BELIEVE THAT ONCE WE START DA SEVENTH GRADE, THAT DA GUYZ THERE WILL TOLERATE SUCH HILLBILLY CRAP? Ya don't even know what's lamer or scene, and ya blabber in some fukken dialect and are totally out of touch from da rest of da world!!! ALL OF YA are gonna get at least a hundred swirlies and ...

JUSSI: Huhuh, yeah right, they'll be givin' us at least A HUNDRED swirlies!

MEKA: Well, ya know, ofcoz ya can blabber any kind of hillbilly shit here in da woodz, but once we get to the junior high I DON'T WANNA SEE ANY OF THAT HILLBILLY SHIT IN OUR GANG! Didya geddit, lamerz!? Ya'll be spoilin' ur reputation and mine as well!!! Town-dwellers will laugh at ya, like "what kinda lamerz those are who don't even know what's lamer or scene or elite and never even tried out tobacco and -

JUSSI: We've fuckin' TRIED OUT TOBACCO AND EVEN BOOZE, DAMMIT! D'ye reckon we're some -

MEKA: Well yeah but ya don't even know what's lamer or elite and don't even know what's WAREZ or even NPD STUFF! Ya still always ask if ya've got any new "COPSY-GAMES"!!!

JUSSI: For the fuck's sake, copsy-games are copsy-games dammit!

MEKA: DA ONE WHO CALLS WAREZ "COPSY-GAMES" WILL FLY OUTTA DA CREW DAMMIT!!!

MASA: "Da crew", huhuhuh.

JUSSI: Ye should just speak Savonian like rest of us, so that folks get what yer sayin'.

MEKA: Well, I mean OUTTA DA LIST GANG!!! Except that we're no longer any fukken "List Gang" 'coz we're now a CREW called C00LeS WaReZ UNiON.

MASA: Yeah right, all the way up to "Kawles yoonion".

KASSU: Has the list stopped from bein' in effect!?

MEKA: It's still in effect, but DA ONE WHO STILL CALLS OUR CREW "LIST GANG" WILL BE KICKED OUTTA LIST G, I mean CWU.

JUSSI: What the fuckin' see-dubya-you?

MEKA: FUKKEN C00LeS WaReZ UNiON, GODDAMMIT!!!

JUSSI: Hahahahah, this must be the most fuckin' insane shit ever ...

MASA: It's aboot that great "kawles-yoonion" thang.

JUSSI: I reckon we hafta leave ye alone with yer fuckin' "crew" or whatever "union" it is. There ye can blabber about fuckin' "warez" and pretend to be some Helsinki faggot all yerself, dammit.

KASSU: Aye, he's screwing aroond with some total super bulldung now!

MASA: Bulldung right away, he's chewing some bulldung once again dammit.

MEKA: Ofcoz ya can leave da crew anytime, but I should remind ya that I'VE GOT A WHOLE CD-ROM DISKETTE WITH MYSELF FROM HELSINKI, FULL OF NEW HOT DAYZ WAREZ!!! I mean for real! A WHOLE CD-ROM DISKETTE with many HUNDREDS of megz ONLY hot dayz warez -

MASA: Uhuhuhuh, "hot dayz warez".

JUSSI: Try to sound even more gay -

KASSU: D'ye mean new copsy-games now?

MEKA: WAREZ, not "COPSY-GAMES", GODDAMMIT!!!

KASSU: Yeah, I got it, I mean warez, like hundreds of megs??? HUNDREDS OF MEGS!!!

MEKA: Yeah, warez right away, and DA WHOLE CD-ROM DISKETTE FULL OF IT! But ya should remember that ALL DA LIST RULES STILL APPLY, so if ya ain't CWU members then ya ain't allowed to get 'em!

MASA: Huhuhuh.

KASSU: I mean, ye know... At least I can be in the crew even if those hillbillies can't. Because at least I'd like -

JUSSI: WHAT HILLBILLIES ARE YE BLABBERIN' ABOOT???

KASSU: I mean, hey, for real, guys!!! Do y'all wish that y'all won't get copsy- I mean warez from anywhere anymore? All the junior highers will tease us for not havin' got any new games or not even any of that GIF porn except for the same old...

MASA: Yer right, it'd be nicey to get some of that from somewhere.

KASSU: Allright, so let's be in the crew so we'll be gettin' games and GIFs.

JUSSI: God-fuckin'-dammit! If y'all goin' into that bulldunginess then I'm 'fraid I'll have to follow y'all as well, fuckin' bloody hell dammit.

MEKA: Good that we've got an agreement now so I don't need to throw anyone outta da crew, dammit.

KASSU: What was the name for our crew again?

MEKA: C00LeS WaReZ UNiON. Ya write it like cee-zero-zero-el-ee-es and all other letters big except dat E small, and then dubya-a-r-e-zee 'n' - FORGET IT, I'LL WRITE IT DOWN, DAMMIT!!!

MASA: "Sawles... varets... oonion".

MEKA: "Kawles", ya fukken countryside hillbilly who doesn't even know English.

JUSSI: Why d'we need to write it like that? Dinna we just get the hell outta the elementary school? Big and small letters -

MEKA: It's fukken written like that coz it's ELiTE that way, dammit!!!

MASA: All the way down to "ELiTE", right.

MEKA: I mean, those who don't write that way are LAMERS!!! If a crew's name ain't written ELiTE or the members have some lame handles -

JUSSI: All right then, any way ye like.

MEKA: Ya'll get at least MILLION swirlies if ya write like ur language teacher says and not ELiTE!!! And by da way, ya haven't yet made up any handles for ya.

JUSSI: What the hell are "handles"?

MEKA: Somethin' like nicknames, but not lame ones like "Jussi" or "Masa" but some tough English-language ones. Like I'm mR.mEgAsTuFf.

MASA: Right, uhuhuhuh, yer what?

MEKA: Ya've gotta write that ELiTE as well. Kassu, gimme da pencil and I'll show ya...

MASA: Em-are... mekas-tuhv.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Ya pronounce it like "MISTER MEGASTUFF", or ya can just call me "Mister" -

MASA: Yeah, right, yer "Mister Uproar" from now on, huhuhuh.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Shut da fukken up now!!! Well, ya can well call me Mega as well. But right, now make up those handles for ya...

JUSSI: Do ye FORCE US TO???

mR.mEgAsTuFf: YA WON'T GET WAREZ AT ALL IF YA WON'T MAKE UP DOSE HANDLES!!!

KASSU: Can there be swearwords there?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, swearwords are cool.

JUSSI: Aye, there must be swearwords, that's a given!

MASA: I dunno 'bout those in English...

JUSSI: One tough swearword is "MOTHER FUCKER", it's like SON-OF-A-BITCH...

MASA: Huhuhuh, hahahah, son-of-a-bitch, can I get sump'n like that? Yeah, I'm son-of-a-bitch. Except that ain't that "mother" word sump'n like "mommy"...?

JUSSI: That's literally like "MOMMY-BANGER"... Ain't it, Meka?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah.

MASA: Huhuhuh, hahahah, I'm MOMMY-BANGER, damnit, yeah, that's a good one!!! This boy's bangin' some mommies, huhuhuh.

KASSU: Bloody hell! If ye're some "mommy-banger", then I'm "FATHER FUCKER"!!! Like "DADDY-BANGER"!

MASA: Hahahah, huhuhuh, daddy-banger, ye're even tougher, lemme... naw, I reckon I can just be a mommy-banger, I mean son-of-a-bitch.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Let's write ur handles down, I can put da ELiTE casin' in... ur MoTHeR FuCKeR 'n' FaTHeR FuCKeR...

MoTHeR FuCKeR: Huhuhuh.

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Right on.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: What about Jussi??

JUSSI: Can't I just be plain Jussi like before?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Town-dwellers will fuckin' regard ya as a LAMER if ur just some fukken stupid JUSSI and not...

JUSSI: Can I be Jussi if I write it ELiTE or whatever 'twas?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well... let's say somethin' like that YA CAN'T BE ANY KINDA FUKKEN JUSSI GODDAMMIT, even if ya wrote it NUMBERS-ONLY ULTRA-ELITE, dammit!!!

JUSSI: Fuck then, could I then be that "ELiTE" if even that's gonna fit?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: ELiTE is already taken!!! ELiTE is one tough -

JUSSI: There's many of us Jussi as well!! And nawbody's ever nagged to me aboot bein' Jussi!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: But other crewz regard ya as a lamer coz ya've ripped someone else's handle!!!

JUSSI: For the fuck's sake...

mR.mEgAsTuFf: But put somethin' like DaRK in da beginnin', it's a tough word and I dunno 'bout anyone else called DaRK ELiTE...

JUSSI: Okey, let's make it all the way into THE DARK ELITE-

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Except that ya can't use da word "THE", ya've gotta use da word "DA" instead, ya know.

FaTHeR FuCKeR: WHATTA FUCKIN' "DA"!? ARE WE SOME FUCKIN' RUSSKIES???

mR.mEgAsTuFf: NUFFIN' TO DO WITH RUSSKIES DAMMIT!!! That's somekinda really tough American ghetto warez slang, ya know.

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Allright, if it's like some American word and not a Russkie one, then I guess it might be quite tough stuff then!

JUSSI: My handle would then be like DA DARK ELITE, right???

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, I can write down da ELiTE once again... dA dArK ELiTE. That's it.

dA dArK ELiTE: Hahah, yeah, it's allright.

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Can we get to copy those gamies already??? Can we already -

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, but YA MUST PROMISE TO FOLLOW ALL OF MY RULES so that ya'll become tough doodz and I won't have to kick ya outta CWU!!! Didya geddit, ya fuckin' rednecks!?!?

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Aye, we got it.

dA dArK ELiTE: Aye.

MoTHeR FuCKeR: Aye.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Ya've got still lots to learn about what's it like to be a TOUGH DOOD and not some fuckin' country hillbilly softie!!! I'm gonna start givin' ya da kinda trainin' sessions where ya learn some TOUGHNESS!!! Ya'll learn to speak like civilized doodz and learn about da scene and thingz like that...

FaTHeR FuCKeR: But can I come to yer place tomorrow and copy some of that CD-ROM warez?

dA dArK ELiTE: I'd like bein' there also.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: TRADE warez goddammit... but yeah, ya can. But then ya must take part in da trainin' session next weekend!!!

FaTHeR FuCKeR: Allright.

dA dArK ELiTE: I guess we'll be there as well.

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