««- · CWU MEMOiRS 0x43 · -»»
========= C00LeS WaReZ UNiON * HiSToRiCaL mEmOiRZ * cHApTeR #0x43 =========
DaTE: 1995-08-16 aT aBoUT 09:03
LoCATi0N: cOMpUTER cLASSRooM, LiETeVESi SCHOOL, FInLAnD
PrESeNT: mR.mEgAsTuFf / CWU \ ThEsE SiT TOGeTHER
WaRe FuCKeR / CWU /
mYXTER / CWU \ tHEsE aLSO
dArK sTuFfEr / CWU /
dA dArK WaNKeR / EX-CWU \ aND ThEZE
MiKAEL dA WInDOWS-LAMER /
+ SoME oTHer STuDENTZ (bUT nOT MiKKO, jANi oR MoTHeR WaNKER)
RAUNO - dA SHITTIEST AND LAMEST COMPUTING TEACHER EVER!!!!!===========================================================================
RAUNO: All right, let's now stand up there.
RAUNO: Good morning!
OPPILAAT: Morning...
RAUNO: Sit down, please.
mR.mEgAsTuFf: (Whatta fuckin' nazi...)
RAUNO: As many of you probably know already, I am magister Rauno Huttunen.
RAUNO: You are now in the eighth grade computing group number one, and I work as your teacher -
RAUNO: KASPER, HANDS OFF!
WaRe FuCKeR: But I just touched that there box...
RAUNO: In this classroom, nobody touches a computing device without my permission! DID YOU HEAR?
WaRe FuCKeR: Yes, I heard...
RAUNO: And the rest of the pupils should take their hands off the desks now! You can put hands on the desks only after we have gone throught the rules.
RAUNO: The one who does not follow the rules will be removed from the classroom and fails this subject! IS THAT CLEAR?
RAUNO: DID YOU HEAR? IS THAT CLEAR?
OPPILAAT: Yes... it is...
RAUNO: You can only pass this subject by strict discipline and order! Let's begin.
RAUNO: Rule number one: magister Rauno Huttunen is the only grown-up person in this space, and therefore the only qualified expert.
RAUNO: I know that many of you are zealous computer kids and therefore assume knowing more about the the discipline of computing.
RAUNO: This IS NOT TRUE!
RAUNO: One does not reach any kind of computing expertise by playing games, but an appropriate computing training is required for it.
mR.mEgAsTuFf: (Does he really fuckin' think we're some kinda gamer-lamers...)
RAUNO: SILENCE!
RAUNO: Rule number two, that was already revealed in practice:
RAUNO: When handling computing devices, my instructions will be followed TO THE LETTER!
RAUNO: The one who tries anything else, will get a paper to bring home, and will get detention for jeopardizing hardware security.
RAUNO: Rule number three:
RAUNO: The classroom must keep free from any external disettes or similar computing items while the computing devices are on, and preferably in other times as well.
RAUNO: Due to this, your bags will be stored to the cabinet next to the exit door before the instruction begins.
RAUNO: The cabinet's door will be locked and will not be opened until the last computing device is shut down after the class.
RAUNO: Any questions?
dArK sTuFfEr: (Whatta hell...)
RAUNO: The rules have now been gone through for the first time.
RAUNO: The second time, you will go through them today, as you will type them by yourself using a computing word-processing software and print them.
WaRe FuCKeR: (Yeah!! we'll get to)
RAUNO: Kasper, be quiet there, can't you hear me!
RAUNO: The cabinet's door is open. Move your bags inside it, please!
...
WaRe FuCKeR: Would we soon already get to -
RAUNO: The theory must be in condition before you'll even get to touch a computer.
RAUNO: We will first go through the components of a computer and the necessary hardware security rules.
WaRe FuCKeR: What aboot if we already know 'em? Could we get -
RAUNO: YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING BEFORE I'VE TAUGHT IT! IS THAT CLEAR?
WaRe FuCKeR: Y-yeah, it's clear...
RAUNO: The device you are sitting in front of, is an automatic data processing machine, or, in short, a computer.
RAUNO: All computers always consist of four major components, without exceptions:
RAUNO: The device resembling a TV screen is called DISPLAY UNIT. It's a "monitor" or other youngsters' game word, but a DISPLAY UNIT. Is that clear?
RAUNO: The device under the display unit is called PROCESSING UNIT or a PROCESSOR.
RAUNO: The board consisting of alphanumeric buttons in front of the processor is called a KEYBOARD.
RAUNO: The smaller devices to the right of it, on the other hand, is called a POINTER CASKET. Not a "mouse" or anything, but a pointer casket.
dArK sTuFfEr: (Tee hee...)
RAUNO: The computer must always be started up by first starting up the processor.
RAUNO: The power switch of the processor is always red-colored, and it is always located in the back end of the right side of the processor.
WaRe FuCKeR: Would we already -
RAUNO: HANDS OFF, KASPER, OR YOU'LL GET DETENTION!
RAUNO: You will hear through the whole of the rules, and act only then!
WaRe FuCKeR: O-okay...
RAUNO: In order to start up the computer, starting up just the processor is not enough, but you must also start up the display unit.
RAUNO: The display unit must always be started within three seconds from starting up the processor.
RAUNO: The power switch of the display unit is always located on its right side and is always colored red similarly as the processor's power switch.
RAUNO: Kasper, please go stand at the door, because you appear quite unpredictable.
WaRe FuCKeR: So unfair!!
RAUNO: Now find the afore-mentioned power switches in the computers in front of you.
RAUNO: Each working pair should also agree, who gets to start up the computer.
RAUNO: Has everyone already found the power switches I mentioned?
SANNA: We ain't found 'em yet...
MIKAEL: They're there and there...
SANNA: Oh, I see, thanks.
RAUNO: Is everybody ready to start up the computer?
RAUNO: I still repeat: the first unit to be started up will be the processor, that is, THE BOX AT THE BOTTOM.
RAUNO: After then I will count to three, and then then you should start up the display unit.
RAUNO: Start up the processooooor - NOW!
RAUNO: One... two... start up the display unit - THREE!
WaRe FuCKeR: May I go back there already?
RAUNO: Yes, do go there, but YOU MUST NOT TOUCH THE COMPUTING DEVICE WITHOUT PERMISSION! IS THAT CLEAR?
WaRe FuCKeR: That's clear...
RAUNO: You are now seeing, how the computer is starting up itself.
RAUNO: On the black background, there will, for a moment, will be some text, you should and must know nothing about!
RAUNO: You can touch the keyboard unit and pointer casket only after the start-up batch is over. And only with my permission even after that.
mR.mEgAsTuFf: (Mrrrh...)
RAUNO: Now, there should be the text "WINDOWS" on the screen of the display unit.
RAUNO: All the computers currently in use are of the Windows brand.
RAUNO: "Windows" means that special "windows" get drawn on the computer's display screen.
RAUNO: You do not need to know anything about them yet, but we shall go through them during this class.
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Err, I've got a question for you...
RAUNO: Well, Mika?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: WHATTA FUCK ARE YOU BABBLING THERE DAMMIT?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yar lying in front of our faces that there'd be some Windows in every computer, and that -
RAUNO: RULE NUMBER ONE!!!
MIKAEL: Windows is in every computer, in principle...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: And who the fuck are ya s'posed to be there?
mR.mEgAsTuFf: WINDOWS DEFINITELY FUCKIN' AIN'T IN EVERY COMPUTER, EVEN IN PRINCIPLE!!!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yar views are so fuckin' retarded and ya don't even explain them anyhow...
MIKAEL: It's yar responsibility to explain them, 'cause ya defied our teacher's rule.
mR.mEgAsTuFf: For da FUCK'S SAKE! At least I don't have any Windoze AND WON'T EVER FUCKIN' HAVE! That's an operating system for over-miserable shit-lamers!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: And nobody else in our crew has, or Osmo Kärkkäinen, or -
RAUNO: SILENCE!
RAUNO: WINDOWS IS IN EVERY SINGLE COMPUTER! IF THERE IS NO WINDOWS IN A "COMPUTER", THEN IT IS ONLY A CHILDRENS' TOY DEVICE!
MIKAEL: Exactly! Yar just gamers like that who don't know anything about anything.
RAUNO: And as I already said before, one does not reach any kind of computing expertise by playing with childrens' toys!
RAUNO: Windows belongs to the elementary skills of computing, and it must be learned first!
RAUNO: Just like reading must be learn already on the first grade, nobody can progress beyond the basics without Windows skills.
RAUNO: Your computer skills are therefore on the level of a pre-schooler -
mR.mEgAsTuFf: FOR DA FUCK'S SAKE THERE DAMMIT!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Man, yar fuckin' claimin' for real that some Unix mainframes of the university are "chidren's toy devices"!!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: AND THAT SOME HELLUVA UNIX GURUS WOULDN'T KNOW ANYTHING 'BOUT COMPTUERS! YAR SO FUCKIN' EMBARRASSING! YAR EVEN LAMER THAN -
RAUNO: I AM THE EXPERT IN THIS CLASSROOM! If you still continue insisting, you're going to get detention!
MIKAEL: Exactly! Listen to what the expert is saying!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: And whatta hell are you there to estimate his expertise? D'ya even have a fuckin' computer of yar own?
MIKAEL: Of course I have! It's a 486DX/66, eight megs of RAM and the Internet...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, surely ya've got the whole fuckin' Internet inside of yar computer, bwahahah, DON'T YA KNOW BULLSHIT 'BOUT ANYTHING FOR REAL!!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: You're maybe just using some shitty Windows soft to call some fuckin' 9700 node of some hoax company, five marks per minute plus da local rate!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: And then yar all hard-on adorin' some fuckin' ugly WWW page with that fuckin' Mosaic or whatever shitsoft it was...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: And then ya say that HEY I'VE GOT DA INTERNET IN MY OVER-DA-TOP 486!!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: And this is s'posed to make ya some goddamn mega expert, and qualified to conclude that the chap they knows sumthing 'bout sumthing...
mR.mEgAsTuFf: YAR ONE FUCKIN' CARDBOARD-HEAD!!
RAUNO: SILENCE! I AM LEADING THE DISCUSSION NOW!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: Ya can lead a shit in yar pants, but I am mR.mEgAsTuFf SLASH C00LeS WaReZ UNiON, THE LEADER OF THE OFFICIALLY ELITEST SCENE CREW IN LIETEVESI!!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: CWU GOT THEIR MANDATE DIRECTLY FROM cULT oF pOWER!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: AND SINCE YOU'RE, FRANKLY, A GODDAMN-FUCKIN' SHITHEAD LAMER WHO KNOWS TOO MUCH 'BOUT HIMSELF, CWU WILL NOW DECLARE WAR AGAINST YOU!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: YOU WILL BE DESTROYED -
RAUNO: SHUT UP 'ERE NOW, YE GODDAMN RASCAL! AND GET OUTTA THE ROOM!!
mR.mEgAsTuFf: AND I WILL KEEP THIS WORD!! EITHER YA GIVE UP YAR WANNABE SHIT OR DIE!!! DIE!!!
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