C00LeS WaReZ UNiON MeMOiRS: cHApTER #0x17

========= C00LeS WaReZ UNiON * HiSToRiCaL mEmOiRZ * cHApTeR #0x17 =========

DaTE:     1994-11-06 aT aBoUT 20:00

LoCATiON: oEoEkKOELaEn aUTIoTALO, vAEaERaEpAeAe, LiEtEvEdEN KuNTA, FiNLAND

PrESeNT:  C00LeS WaReZ UNiON mEMBERS:

          mR.mEgAStUFf   cAmE wItH bIcYcLE (PHUCK DA PUBLIC ROADS!)
          dArK sTuFfEr   cAmE wITh bIcYcLE

          cULT oF pOWER mEMBERS:

          dRAGONcROW     sOmE kInd oF LeADeR, i ThiNk
          pHASERhAWK     dA mYsTERiOUS C.O.P. guY FrOM ouR sKOOL
          mINDeAGLE      hAs sOMe mYstERiOUs tELEpATHeTIC pOWERZ

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mR.mEgAsTuFf: PC lamer forces get ever stronger and plentier... day by day... and they become ever more arrogant!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: PC lamers want to destroy the Amiga, every fuckin' single Amiga from the face of the earth. PC lamers don't abstain from any means!

dRAGONcROW: Thank you for the information, but we know what PC lamers is, what they want and what they do.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yes, but we want to take part in the fight against PC lamers! We want more strength!

dRAGONcROW: We live in a different plane of existence than the lamers. What happens on the lamer level has no effect on our reality.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well, I mean, eh, shouldn't there be some kinda effect if all the Amigas disappear from the world??

mINDeAGLE: Amiga is immortal. It has always been, it shall always be. Material phenomena do not affect the actuality of the Amiga.

mINDeAGLE: Like Earth shall continue its spinning, so shall Amiga continue its vital existence.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: So, that'd mean like... is it so that if some Mikko fuckin' Kallio comes and goddamn takes yar Amiga, then it's not supposed to affect yar life any way?

mINDeAGLE: The disappearance of a single Amiga is a mere material phenomenon. We in cULT oF pOWER have transcended matter, and the destiny of a singular Amiga shall not touch us.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: But I mean... what about the other Amigists? They can't be all be on such a high level as yar crew? I guess other Amiga crews need to have Amigas, goddammit?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: So, shouldn't there exist at least some kind of anti-lamer fight we can take part in?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: I mean fuckin' hell, how would ya even have risen on yar current level without an Amiga??? Amiga is such a great thing that ya've gotta fight for it, dammit!!!

dRAGONcROW: Well, the arrogance of PC lamers indeed worries me somewhat! I have a little brother who goes to the Lietevesi elementary school... and even his Amiga was stolen just a while ago!

dRAGONcROW: It also delayed responding to you, as I usually use my little brother's Amiga when I'm visiting Lietevesi.

dRAGONcROW: Well, luckily we could use pHASERhAWK's Amiga, and the police later found my brother's Amiga in some firewood shed.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well, I mean, we ilmiantaa** the thief... it was one Mikko from our grade!

dArK sTuFfEr: Mikko told us at school how he's going to steal all the Amigas in Lietevesi and destroy them in that there shed!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, that Mikko's surely a fuckin' lame lamer! He deserves some fuckin' tough handling, dammit!

dArK sTuFfEr: We thought that Janne would be a total lamer, and we think it sucks quite a heap if lamers got Amigas.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah... and we thought it would be a fuckin' elite idea to go to a lamer's home, steal the Amiga and then stage Mikko as guilty for it...

dArK sTuFfEr: We reckon that Amigas don't belong to any lamers who just play games with 'em!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yar like gods to us... we would've never done anything like that if we had known...

mINDeAGLE: Would you regret it if Janne had not been a scener's brother but a so-called pure lamer?

dArK sTuFfEr: WE TOTALLY WOULDNA REGRET TI!!! AMIGAS SIMPLY DON'T BELONG TO ANY LAMERS AND THAT'S IT!!!

mINDeAGLE: Is it therefore justifiable to steal an Amiga, if you regard its user as a lamer?

dArK sTuFfEr: IT'S JUSTIFIABLE AS HELL! ALL THE AMIGAS THAT ARE VICTIMS OF LAMERS NEED TO BE RESCUED INTO BETTER HANDS!!!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well... it's like a fuckin' sissy clown! Somebody who believes too much 'bout himself...

dArK sTuFfEr: Somebody who doesna wanna progress in any direction... who just plays with the computer and won't do nuffin' progressive!

mINDeAGLE: Would this not, in principle, make most of the world's population lamers?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well, regardin' da skillz we're really total lamerz... and we do believe too much 'bout ourselves... we fink we're some elitez even though we really ain't...

dArK sTuFfEr: But I just wanna ask that even if we were lamersz then HOW IN HELL COULD WE GROW OUTTA OUR LAMENESS WITHOUT AN AMIGA?

dArK sTuFfEr: I mean, if we wanna progress, then we do deserve Amigas then! Every single one of us!

dArK sTuFfEr: Well, if the lamer just wants to stay a lamer, then he should give that Amiga to somebody who wants to become something better!

dArK sTuFfEr: Amigas don't last forever in this world, especially now that Commodore went bankrupt this year!

mINDeAGLE: So, in a summary: because there are not enough Amigas for all the lamers, you should be somewhat selective?

dRAGONcROW: You see, Amiga is the key for moving from the material lamer level to the spiritual elite reality.

dRAGONcROW: And the worst problem in the material world of the near future will be the shortage of Amigas that is even worsened by the PC dominance supported by soulless mainstream people.

mINDeAGLE: We in cULT oF pOWER are entirely transcendent. We live in a reality where material shortages need not be suffered from, as no one of us has material desires.

mINDeAGLE: If someone lacks a material Amiga, they nevertheless have an Amiga in their heart, and they do not need any other kind of Amiga in addition.

mINDeAGLE: Amiga is an immaterial, immortal, shiningly brilliant, eternal essence. It is not a human invention but a logical conclusion of human essence. The perfect electronic counterpart of man.

mINDeAGLE: A human being and an Amiga perfect each other when combined, forming a higher-level intelligent being, who can transgress the boundaries of material existence.

dRAGONcROW: The balance between the realities shook a couple of years ago, when the Soviet Union fell down and left only a single power monopoly in the world.

dRAGONcROW: The entire lamer reality is now being controlled by a conspiracy called Bilderberg, who started to force a single truth in everything after its competitors fell.

pHASERhAWK: IBM and Microsoft are being controlled by Bilderberg. Bilderberg's own PC computer started to succeed once the Soviet Union broke down, but Amiga started to suffer. Like every other computer except the PC.

pHASERhAWK: If Bilderberg continues this way, then there won't be any other computers but the PC in the future, and the portal from th lamer reality to the elite reality will be closed forever!

dArK sTuFfEr: Well, we'd rather fuckin' die than subscribe to some Bitti magazine, dammit! There ain't even no Amiga stories there anymaw!

dRAGONcROW: But really, Mikrobitti has been a Bilderberg propaganda magazine from the start, holding its readers tightly in the grip of lameness.

dRAGONcROW: All the Amigists who have read it have always been PC lamers and will always be! And you shouldn't even glimpse at that magazine if you want to transcend matter!

mINDeAGLE: We in cULT oF pOWER are on a higher stage, so the mundane matters of the lamer reality do not move us at all. Therefore, we no longer fight Bilderberg either.

mINDeAGLE: But in case you are interested in this fight, then tell what you need from us.

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Well... we'd like to make modem calls for free... for even a short time... a couple of months? So we can beat Mikko!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: In tradin' competition... nowadays Mikko often has all da new warez before us and can sell it to all da other lamerz at school.

dArK sTuFfEr: And them there lamers then believe Mikko in all computer thangs 'cause they trust that Mikko grasps them better than we!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: And Mikko really is a fuckin' lame dood, subscribin' to some Mikrobitti and hatin' da Amiga like helluva much! And finks tradin' is like da elitest thing ever and compares it to some fuckin' sports contest!!

mINDeAGLE: Your reasoning is sufficient. We can therefore release some technology to you, facilitating in the fulfillment of your wish.

pHASERhAWK: Didn't they talk 'bout switchin' it to digital somewhere in the start of the next year...

dRAGONcROW: Didya hear that, fellas! Y'all now got one damn lucky kick! Ye've got just that couple of months y'all wanted afore darkboxes stop workin'!

pHASERhAWK: Some folks in our crew have been usin' them there darkboxes elsewhere as well, but now this here 978 area's one of the last where they work anymore. That's why we've got even a bunch of extra ones here in Lietevesi!

pHASERhAWK: I could bring one pre-assembled box to you tomorrow at school, if yer interested?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: We're really interested! I mean for real, like fuckin' damn much!!

mINDeAGLE: But keep in mind, o newcomers, that there lies higher level of magic within the case of the device! Do not even try to grasp how it works!

mINDeAGLE: If you open the device, the enchantment shall vanish! Do you understand?

mR.mEgAsTuFf: Yeah, we do... We honor yar darkbox and its immence magical power... and only use it for wise purposes...

pHASERhAWK: Once touchtone dial starts workin' we're in the zone of a digital centre and the era of the darkbox is finally over!

mR.mEgAsTuFf: But I mean, a fuckin' lot of thanks one more time!!! Yar our gods and we totally worship ya like hell at C00LeS WaReZ UNiON!!!